There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Tuesday, June 18


OK so, over the last year I am more aware of what is coming at me, in terms of energetic exchanges with other people. I believe this is a response to a request I made to the universe a year or so ago (seems these questions are answered with a very slow response).

At the time of the question, I was noticing my words being misinterpreted, and/or not being understood for what I meant. I realized this is on me, and wanted to clear it up. Upon doing that I started noticing more and more honest exchanges, (TY!!!) but a LOT of exchanges ended up in someone being hostile towards me, or angry? So now I have a new question of the universe... What am I doing that brings in this energy towards me? Is there a universal rise in frustration or hostility? Or is it something I am asking for?

I believe that you should always question yourself first then question others. ie; not an 'I am to blame' but more like, are my intentions matching my exchanges! Maybe I am being tooo sensitive? Or maybe I have too much time on my hands! giggle.

Pondering this more and more. I will return with a more defined entry tomorrow. ciao my peeps.

Sunday, June 16


WHAT a piece of crap. Look, life is what it is. We all have desires and dreams but, is that part of your life demanding others to be a way that YOU are not being? Also, I am NOT an expert, or perfect or even judging others on how or what they are 'being'. BUT we live in a world full of expectations based on self-delusion! AND we flock together in these groups which hold these parameters dearly so we can justify our repetitive hate. 

What are you wearing? Who are you talking to? What did they say? Are they political? Are they spiritual? How many times did they mess up (which is your filter, not theirs)? Why can't they do this? Why won't they do that?

Don't get me wrong here, as humans, a set of livable standards eases our monkey minds so that we can exist in hope, love, and laughter. But when you are demanding another be some 'way' for you to accept them, then there isn't love or even like there. Just remove them from your life, and find those that can live with your filter/expectations/demands (as it is one).

There. Humanity is a loveless landscape in a LOT of ways, but it doesn't have to be. An elated celebrity has a right to an indignant lifestyle, so does the homeless person deserve a right of respect and dignity.

The problem with the majority is the need to condemn and classify. That's just all I have to say about it. If you love, then love. If you judge that's out of hate. period.

Not free of guilt here but sure trying to move away from being a toxic judgemental excluder.

Saturday, December 29

My movie

I have been watching SOOO many movies lately and wondering, What would my movie be about? If I started writing a screenplay, what would the plot be? How many actors? And how long?

Short stories, vignettes. Real life comedic moments. I don't like drawn-out dramas with monotone dialogue. We suffer too much from our own created and world stress to make that our entertainment too. ;)

Monday, July 2

Independence and Freedom

Here is a speech I wrote to be presented in my spiritualist church on sunday!

When I started to research what I was going to present today, I had a clear opinion about independence and freedom. First Independence.

Grain of salt disclaimer, the following content is largely based on my opinion which may NOT be the norm for most people… just sayin.

True independence is nearly impossible, unless you are a nomadic traveler living centuries ago. In our day and age, We are clusters of independent thinkers, yet dependent inhabitants. And that’s not a bad thing! We have grown as a species in great ways because of this communal existence. We need each other for basic things, like food, water, shelter, protection, and community. We have also as a whole thrived under that model. And theoretically, independent thought is always available to us. Just as an example, being here in this community has brought us together with a group of like-minded practitioners, but that is more about freedom of thought/choice than independence. Independence, as a concept, sustains our hopes and is compelling us to choose the lives we desire, but technically, there are a lot of other people involved in helping us get to the summit of our successful lives. Make sense?

Now, the real juicy topic is Freedom! The definition of Freedom: the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

It is a philosophical concept which I found MANY tomes to pull from but that would take hours to pare down to a 3-4 minute talk. I debated all the ways we take freedom for granted, all the ways we don’t. What is being said now, and what was said 50 years ago, 100 years ago, etc. There is such diversity in definition based on race, sexual orientation, gender, age, etc. So in regards to how to discuss it, I was at a loss to a “take off” point! Which of course led to distractions and delays… ha.

So lets do it this way.
As a child, my thoughts on freedom were based on growing up in the civil rights movement/era. I remember watching JFK give his speeches and seeing the faces of my parents and listening to them speak about this topic. Very moving and it established my thoughts on how humans should treat one another. But truth be told, my perception of freedom at that time, from my core, was How much time can I get outside to ride my bike and explore? Finding creative ways to do my chores without feeling bad or sad. That was my level of freedom.

In my teen years, freedom was about talking on the phone, gossip, secrets, gaining a level of independence that meant more ‘freedom of thought’. Exploring what my mind was absorbing from a more intellectual level. Watching the social aspects of my ‘tribe’ and what did I ‘think about that’, choosing who to associate with – that was freedom.

As a young adult, my freedom was OMG finally! I have my own space, I have my own furniture, I have my own car, I have a more independent life (that being said, a lot of it was from depending on a paycheck). Freedom to choose where I wanted to be as an adult!
As an aging adult, my freedoms now are, finding like minds to share with. Learning how others are suffering for their freedoms and how I could help support those in need, fully.

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” Nelson Mandela.

I know that we all have that sense of freedom in our lungs and hearts, and if we are lucky, in our minds as well! But identifying and accepting the freedom available to you without restraint could be overwhelming, or it could be a sign directing you to a “free way of being” in the middle of your chosen restraints. That’s the level of freedom I hope we all obtain in life. Peace of knowing our personal freedoms.

“Truth seek we both — Thou in the life without thee and around; I in the heart within. By both can Truth alike be found. The healthy eye can through the world the great creator track; The healthy heart is but the glass which gives creation back.” BULWER

“Every human has four endowments - self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change.” Stephen Covey


Just so someday my son can read my writings! 

Sunday, February 18


The last few months, since before the fire, I seem to have lost my passion. Part of me feels that its due to environmental issues, emotional changes with my sons energy, the constant running on the treadmill of life, and an overall distrust that romantic love actually is achievable.

I have focused so much on just 'surviving', that I don't find much inspiration in the steps to get there. I am determined to change this. I may even start daily journaling about it.

Today is step 1 - admitting that I am willing to let life inspire me again.

Wednesday, January 31

Blood Moon thoughts - Jan 31 - 2018


WHAT AN AMAZING EVENT! Thankfully I woke up in time to see it all from before total eclipse until moonset at 645 am pst. Energetically it was transcendent.

Something I did witness though is how up in ourHEADS we are. UG. Humans are weak lil blobs of meat with bones holding it all together and a massive ball of nuerons trying to run the 'show'..   We just can't seem to get out of our own way in order to follow what nature intended for us.

Sunday, November 19

Virtual Mystics Group Post

I started a page/group (technically Jayden started it, and I made it flourish) called Virtual Mystics. The other day an innocent question turned into a twisted conversation about racism. It literally had me swimming in about 50 directions. I should have ended it before it started and never engaged. I felt as a leader of the group that I 'could' attempt to make a civil conversation about it, but that's not what happened. Hopefully, it ts my last lesson in attempting to have conversations that trigger others in a calm manner. HA~ Here was my post at the end of the day, after deleting the entire commotion.

Today was rough on my heart. AND as the poverty-stricken, spiritually driven, ancient and hopeful white girl leader of this group, I choose to see that controversy can teach each of us, that words can be harmful triggers to issues we need to be facing. We all know that love is what is driving all of us to try help others. When we disallow someone the right to ask a question in regards to their needs we become trapped in a cycle of retribution by disagreeing via our OWN experiences. I wouldn't discount theirs any more than they should discount mine. That being said, NO more. The educational post from today is being removed - I do suggest that it teaches you that no matter what, opinions and reality are two diff snakes and trying to charm them both at once is a bitch. I don't relish being a leader, I do it so we can learn from each other how to better navigate, and I would never presume to tell any of you to do to it my way... because I am flawed. But I do expect you all to understand that we are here to remain peaceful and respectful. I'm not a dictator, and none of you should be either. Love isn't indifference. Love is energy. Indifference is a choice. Choosing to love instead of hate is a choice. Be calm, stay safe, be true to yourself. 

Monday, February 27

Monday Poetry

When the world thinks they know you
But the really have no clue
How to open your door into truth?

False accusations are just words on a page
Don’t block your path forward with guilt as a shield
The path ever changing is the only way on

To be what you are and to right all your wrongs
Don’t ever let others blame you for their pain
NO relationship is one sided when it comes to fame.

With true acceptance and proper goodbyes
You move into the light of sunnier skies
The past is a promise you know how to live

And the future is the opportunity to continue to give. <

Sunday, February 5


I made it through  a long session this winter. I don't think I have been as aware of how down I could get until now, and that is saying something! I have experienced so much I didn't feel it was possible. I think seeing my aging parents and my teenager son grow to be taller than me has reminded me that the end could happen. :)

What lead me to writing today was how to find an inspiration to continue out these days of my life, which is a great deal! I will be where I want to be - but what guides me? My life has been like an ocean voyage from one place to another, a traveler of sorts. I like that sort of life. Each stop gives me more information, more interaction, more energy for living and creating inspiration. I have been pretty static for a few years, so its itchy feet time again. I think I need to not ignore it, but not necessarily follow it this time around!

I am looking for a way to really find what I want out of life, which seems weird at my age, but so be it. I know I seek more spiritual enlightenment, and I argue with that because I have a child, and in order to really find that you must abandon all "attachments". Learning what the balance is maybe the only lesson I have during this phase of enlightenment.

I am posting these here because no one reads my blog and I need a place to journal that I will go to and keep up with.

Sunday, November 20

Coastal Lenormand by Melanie!

I really would love any support you could offer this campaign! Thanks.


Thursday, July 14


Honestly the debate just in this thread alone is proof that people just believe what they want to believe and follow the "story" with whatever version fits their beliefs... AND since there is no real accountability in the billionaire classes in our country, we are at the bottom of a pool waiting on the sociopaths to pass laws in regards to our well being. If Trump is elected I feel like i will be the head of or in league with a very large army of angry women, set on exiting this dying country.

Tuesday, March 17


Todays word... oppression:
prolonged cruel or unjust treatment or control.

I was thinking that since we are all part of the same existence in time, working separately (together), what is the oppression we are putting forth in our own lives, or the lives of others? What does oppression mean to you? Is it about people being held prisoner out of fear? What kind of fear generates it? Or could it be thinking that only toast is what you can eat for breakfast? How deep or how shallow is oppression?

Saturday, March 14

This is cool.. :)


Governed by the element of fire. Notice the spark within each semi-circular glow dome around the barrier, and the large seed that is planted firmly into the base. This symbolizes the ability to remain focused and steadfast, as well as fully energized and ready to move up and outward into your own freedom.

This mandala carries the spirit of the horse. He brings his boundless energy, his dedication to the taks at hand, yet a beautiful strength and sense of freedom. He reminds us to look as though we move freely, but truly only move with intention.

If you are contemplating upon this madala, your spirit may be asking you to take action, build your momentum. The seeds you've sown are now in need of extra nurturing from other elements, in order for you to move forward and maintain your inner drive and ambition. Know that your burning desires are rapidly approaching, but you will only get out what you put in.

Sunday, March 1


I looked out the window today and in the clouds I saw a jaguar. i had to blink and look twice. its still there. What is the message that its trying to send me? I was meditating and my instincts said to look right.. observe the clouds.

Jaguar Spirit animal meanings
Confidence, power, supreme focus, preparation

Jaguar spiritual meaning
Fertility, femininity, breath work, in tune with the earth

Jaguar shamanic magic
Visualization, Manifestation

Today and this coming season I will embody these elements. Focus, feminitiy, breath work, visualization, confidence, power, preparation, manifestation.

This will set the tone for the next phase in my life. :)


Saturday, February 28


If all there is all there was based all we are on communication, how effective are you at that? What are you portraying or receiving, and what if you want something but all you have to do is say... ONE word that changes everything.

Why aren't you saying that word?

Saturday, December 6


they leave us

we react in kind

come in forms

your choices here

i become alive

keep choosing. maybe.

awaits me away from you.


Your light
reminds me of
what i care to forget

your flame
grows silently higher
consuming the purpose

your heat
expands outward
mesmerizing cold bodies

eyes gleaming
from the scent
of the times
here and spent

fire burning down
fire flows around
bodies reaching out
to a smoking pyre

when the fire dies
we are left with ashes
praying for rain
to wash away the stench

and it has rained
the fire is out
the life is awakening
the fire lottery awaits.


What do I do in this lifetime?
How do I talk to the ones I love
There is something going down
And i don’t know how to go

forward from this fog
you chose another day
i wont be here when the train
comes back to the station

where you and I met
there isn’t a way back
you made me second
i wont forget that

friends or not you have
not been honest with me
by not being honest with yourself.
hide and seek isn’t coy

its the game of a little boy
trying to reach something
he was never meant to have
i walk.. further towards a smile

One that greets me in
a life that has sunshine
and people that allow
me to be in their confidences.

Ego and pride
they are side by side
in the way of love
i will never be able

to heal you or us
as you chose to let us die
and then another life 

goes sliding by.. and we wait. 

Monday, September 29

Dreams of Hollywood

Tonight’s dream had a shower, and then I was in Hollywood again. I was with a man that another friend of mine wanted to be with. She had to sons and was hitting on him while he and I were somewhere together. I had already felt that he wouldn’t be a match for me. but She had two sons that were very difficult and I felt that he would be a great father, so in my mind in the dream, he was perfect for her. Even though I desired the same thing I realized it wouldn’t be fair for anyone if I lied about my feelings just to have security. I was in a restaurant in Hollywood and there were some famous people there, and groups of people gawking at them. It was a concept restaurant where the middle of the place was lined with booths that went along a famous route (why famous I don’t remember but I think it had something to do with motorcycles).

I walked to the back of the restaurant and there was a man there I had known. He was standing as still as a statue (It looked like Donald B. to me) he was staring at me. I think he didn’t even realize he was staring at me until I said his name then he went all “actor” and went into some kind of act. It was a very odd feeling.

What i do find interesting about my dreams.. Lots of bathroom scenes.. and parking lot themes. I often wonder why that is. I also dreamt of Oprah Winfrey for MONTHS before coming to Santa Barbara... I think that I am going to have to move to Hollywood at some point... sigh. I sure don't like that idea. :(