You know they do! Its awesome... I am so happy for someone right now... Just want to say thank you universe and bestow my gratitude for continued generosity and positive changes. Now whose turn is it? Oh yea MY TURN!
chicka bow chicka bow wow... oh yea.. my turn.... Hallelujah... beat the drums yea.
Monday, March 5
I'm in a store and I'm SINGING
SIGH... another week closer to the anniversary of the day I was spit out upon this god forsaken sphere of doom!!!! (giggle)
meh I am a happy soul! I say, why be gloomy when there is a sky overhead, earth below, ocean within walking distance, and a kid that puts a smile on my face reminding me to understand that life can be magical. You have to allow it. Sadly and silently and a-lonely (ha i made that up) I have realized I wont be allowed to participate in some peoples lives. Its still hard for me when I see that bright light shimmering between two people and they can't or wont appreciate it for the simple thing it is, or the promise and potential of what it COULD be! How one little step towards joining these forces opens up a world of influence not just for the two people but for ANYONE that comes in contact with that team. It really can be a ripple effect IF you allow it without judgement or agenda (yea I got my issues with agenda too).
There were moments in my past where I thought was very close to that but since then I have realized it just wasn't right. I am happy to have learned that and know what it is I am looking for! There isn't an agenda for any person that comes into my life (friend or lover), but I do know that it requires someone willing to take risks in their lives. We can only grow stronger by joining forces and forging ahead to transform our lives and in beautiful chorus, the lives of others we touch on a daily basis. Negativity (or lack of positive thinking) is a deep dark soul sucking hole that gives you a false sense of security and allows you self indulgence in spades... it also provides you with pathetic brief momentary relationships that suck out even MORE life out of your soul. Dont create or reach for a dream from that place. Turn on your light and don't be afraid of what you see there. Life is transition at all times. Pick up your little pieces of shit you don't like, toss them in the bin, and put the ones you do like on the wall as sign posts or guides to where you WANT to go.
Hello? companion? are you hearing my siren song? I kinda keep singing it at the TOP OF MY LUNGS... maybe I should roll the driver window down.. (giggle)
meh I am a happy soul! I say, why be gloomy when there is a sky overhead, earth below, ocean within walking distance, and a kid that puts a smile on my face reminding me to understand that life can be magical. You have to allow it. Sadly and silently and a-lonely (ha i made that up) I have realized I wont be allowed to participate in some peoples lives. Its still hard for me when I see that bright light shimmering between two people and they can't or wont appreciate it for the simple thing it is, or the promise and potential of what it COULD be! How one little step towards joining these forces opens up a world of influence not just for the two people but for ANYONE that comes in contact with that team. It really can be a ripple effect IF you allow it without judgement or agenda (yea I got my issues with agenda too).
There were moments in my past where I thought was very close to that but since then I have realized it just wasn't right. I am happy to have learned that and know what it is I am looking for! There isn't an agenda for any person that comes into my life (friend or lover), but I do know that it requires someone willing to take risks in their lives. We can only grow stronger by joining forces and forging ahead to transform our lives and in beautiful chorus, the lives of others we touch on a daily basis. Negativity (or lack of positive thinking) is a deep dark soul sucking hole that gives you a false sense of security and allows you self indulgence in spades... it also provides you with pathetic brief momentary relationships that suck out even MORE life out of your soul. Dont create or reach for a dream from that place. Turn on your light and don't be afraid of what you see there. Life is transition at all times. Pick up your little pieces of shit you don't like, toss them in the bin, and put the ones you do like on the wall as sign posts or guides to where you WANT to go.
Hello? companion? are you hearing my siren song? I kinda keep singing it at the TOP OF MY LUNGS... maybe I should roll the driver window down.. (giggle)
Sunday, March 4
I care, therefore I do
My friends never have to wonder what I think about their presence in my life, nor the affections I have for them. But sometimes, you spend time to shower them with affection and attention and they shit on ya! Life is a series of lessons I thought I had already learned, and accomplishing tasks that dont always turn out like I thought they would.
People, even when bad things happen, you have to be grateful as they put you in a place to realize how good you have had it! and you need to express that gratitude as it FREES you for better things to come. Gratitude for negative things implants the desires, the seeds of growth to give you the assurance of joy to come. This game of life is all a balancing act my friends... and if you sit on your end of the see saw with your feet on the ground you are leaving someone else hanging in mid air WAITING on your sorry ass to get over it and push off.
So that being metaphorically beaten to death, I think I will take this current pile of shit that someone left here for me and plant some daisies... because at this point? Daisies are much more appealing.
Maybe I need a dog. Dogs communicate with pure love and appreciation immediately no words necessary! You have to love any creature that freely expresses gratitude no matter the situation, or condition of their own lives. The expression of joy in the moment is all we really have to be hopeful for, and a choice that we can make at ANY time despite any condition in life. Well, there is one other thing to look forward to, besos.. muy besos.
Communication isn't commitment, its acknowledgment in a form we HUMANS have become accustomed to using when working within these confines of a physical body. Try it. OR you cold train the world how to pick up and talk to each other using telepathic abilities!!!! Now THAT would really help things out, but take a bite out of conventional methods of transferring info.
OH and Happy Birthday to my friend R
People, even when bad things happen, you have to be grateful as they put you in a place to realize how good you have had it! and you need to express that gratitude as it FREES you for better things to come. Gratitude for negative things implants the desires, the seeds of growth to give you the assurance of joy to come. This game of life is all a balancing act my friends... and if you sit on your end of the see saw with your feet on the ground you are leaving someone else hanging in mid air WAITING on your sorry ass to get over it and push off.
So that being metaphorically beaten to death, I think I will take this current pile of shit that someone left here for me and plant some daisies... because at this point? Daisies are much more appealing.
Maybe I need a dog. Dogs communicate with pure love and appreciation immediately no words necessary! You have to love any creature that freely expresses gratitude no matter the situation, or condition of their own lives. The expression of joy in the moment is all we really have to be hopeful for, and a choice that we can make at ANY time despite any condition in life. Well, there is one other thing to look forward to, besos.. muy besos.
Communication isn't commitment, its acknowledgment in a form we HUMANS have become accustomed to using when working within these confines of a physical body. Try it. OR you cold train the world how to pick up and talk to each other using telepathic abilities!!!! Now THAT would really help things out, but take a bite out of conventional methods of transferring info.
OH and Happy Birthday to my friend R
Night Alone
So, my son is at a sleepover! Wooohoo!!!!!!
And yea. you know what I did? I slept.... ah..... I wish I would have had some company, but everyone already had plans. sigh. I was reminded of how alone I am when I don't have my son around. NO bueno.
Ok wait... back to sleep! ah....
And yea. you know what I did? I slept.... ah..... I wish I would have had some company, but everyone already had plans. sigh. I was reminded of how alone I am when I don't have my son around. NO bueno.
Ok wait... back to sleep! ah....
Friday, March 2
Wow
You know, I can hear the things you are thinking when you are thinking them! its annoying sometimes... like when I am sleeping? yea... they show up in my dreams as "notes".
all will be well, love... now sleep already! xo
all will be well, love... now sleep already! xo
Thursday, March 1
School Play
Each class does a play at my sons School... This year? Mr. Poppers Penguins, and the kid was a cop.Each play is a musical too, so there was singing and dancing by everyone. I love OAS... The Open Alternative School.
Watch out CHIPS!!!!!
Tuesday, February 28
Meditations
The absolute ONLY time I can still my mind or stop the gerbils from running is during Yoga! I should do that Yoga thing EVERY day.... I wish my life contained more discipline. Its a serious issue i have in regards to all I want to accomplish.
Today during my yoga class i saw an image of a person balled up in the corner in darkness... I was curious to see who it was. I approached this figure in my "vision" trying to shine a light on him... (felt like a man or a boy). I had a candle or some kind of torch in my hand, and walked up to this figure. Every time I tried to lighten up this face, it turned... put its back to me, the light was deflected. I felt helpless... as I am sure this figure did. I decided to walk away and back to my space/light.
After being back to center, i felt a set of eyes looking at me and this face came into the light. Not sure who it is still, but definitely a man and definitely someone that is seeking my help to get out of the dark.
hellooooooo?????? echo... come on out here so we can fix this thing!
Today during my yoga class i saw an image of a person balled up in the corner in darkness... I was curious to see who it was. I approached this figure in my "vision" trying to shine a light on him... (felt like a man or a boy). I had a candle or some kind of torch in my hand, and walked up to this figure. Every time I tried to lighten up this face, it turned... put its back to me, the light was deflected. I felt helpless... as I am sure this figure did. I decided to walk away and back to my space/light.
After being back to center, i felt a set of eyes looking at me and this face came into the light. Not sure who it is still, but definitely a man and definitely someone that is seeking my help to get out of the dark.
hellooooooo?????? echo... come on out here so we can fix this thing!
Monday, February 27
Teamwork
Last nights dream was all about team work (dream work). I was surrounded by people that were holding my hand and guiding me through purpose. Whatever purpose that was. I feel I am surrounded by spirits/people/energy that is helping me through a phase right now, and its MIGHTY nice to finally feel a part of the collective.
I remember part of the dream involving some artwork that needed being done. Part, I was at a resort working, it was winter time and we had to secure the upstairs of a hotel for some reason! That part of the dream felt the most comforting, as everyone at that moment was selfless, laughing and really accomplishing something despite the odds.
Another part of the dream I was in an RV by the ocean with some other misfits. A huge tsunami (why is that word spelled with a t?) came in and our RV was floating. For some reason I had climbed up on top and was safe. I remember bouncing around like it was a top, and reaching for a good male friend who had been on the ground painting at the time and was floating around in the turbulent waters (yea i caught him, and pulled him to safety). I felt HUGELY relieved that he was back on the bus with us. It was nice to feel that everyone was safe.
At one point I was cruising through the airport, preparing for a departure. It was a trial run through this family member was putting me through. I was wearing heels, and had to take them off. I was severely "buggered" that this chic was making me hike across the airport at that moment because it was 24 hours before my flight, if not more. But a purpose all the same.
Final segment was spent with a man, someone that I don't really know, and we were in bed together. Interesting that we were outside in bed and the weather was very cold. That whole process with him was like WORK, and I remember feeling extremely frustrated with his callous behavior. His inability to find a way to make me feel wanted or was happy/appreciated that I was there placed the final straw and I got out of there. Post haste.
Dreams; an every night reminder that my mind has a lot of information sifting through it, and sometimes I don't even gather how much till my body is at rest. I used to remember them all. Now only half the time, and thats OK!
I remember part of the dream involving some artwork that needed being done. Part, I was at a resort working, it was winter time and we had to secure the upstairs of a hotel for some reason! That part of the dream felt the most comforting, as everyone at that moment was selfless, laughing and really accomplishing something despite the odds.
Another part of the dream I was in an RV by the ocean with some other misfits. A huge tsunami (why is that word spelled with a t?) came in and our RV was floating. For some reason I had climbed up on top and was safe. I remember bouncing around like it was a top, and reaching for a good male friend who had been on the ground painting at the time and was floating around in the turbulent waters (yea i caught him, and pulled him to safety). I felt HUGELY relieved that he was back on the bus with us. It was nice to feel that everyone was safe.
At one point I was cruising through the airport, preparing for a departure. It was a trial run through this family member was putting me through. I was wearing heels, and had to take them off. I was severely "buggered" that this chic was making me hike across the airport at that moment because it was 24 hours before my flight, if not more. But a purpose all the same.
Final segment was spent with a man, someone that I don't really know, and we were in bed together. Interesting that we were outside in bed and the weather was very cold. That whole process with him was like WORK, and I remember feeling extremely frustrated with his callous behavior. His inability to find a way to make me feel wanted or was happy/appreciated that I was there placed the final straw and I got out of there. Post haste.
Dreams; an every night reminder that my mind has a lot of information sifting through it, and sometimes I don't even gather how much till my body is at rest. I used to remember them all. Now only half the time, and thats OK!
Sunday, February 26
Transition
One day in the home of a friend of mine, I looked up at the mantle and saw a piece of artwork hanging there that completely impressed me. It was a black and white drawing of a doll, hanging by a rope around its neck. Not a noose, just a loose loop and the image was of this doll moving through space by this rope tied around its neck. There were smaller images in the back ground of other dolls in similar positions, just in different perspectives. It really caught my eye, the movement, the generic treatment of the emotionless faces of these "rag dolls" moving via a rope around the neck. I looked and looked at it... I finally asked my friend about the drawing. Who did it? A friend. Whats the title of the piece? Transition.
Woah!!!!! how freaking perfect is that!!! Sometimes in life it seems as though we are being dragged by the neck without our consent and we become complacent to just let it happen. We become the "lifeless" dummies that get stuck and are then forced to move on via an outside force, along side of other faceless strangers in the same situation.
More often than not though, I have found that situations where I am forced to transition, I have subconsciously requested the universe to deliver to me. Hence, I have the feeling of freedom, see the choices, and breath into the motivation which comes from being unburdened by something I didn't really want in the first place. Yea!!! so cool huh?
Transition: dolls... in... space!!!!!! (you know like an echo-ey voice from a bad sci-fi movie where the words fade into the background? HA... visions don't fail me now.)
Woah!!!!! how freaking perfect is that!!! Sometimes in life it seems as though we are being dragged by the neck without our consent and we become complacent to just let it happen. We become the "lifeless" dummies that get stuck and are then forced to move on via an outside force, along side of other faceless strangers in the same situation.
More often than not though, I have found that situations where I am forced to transition, I have subconsciously requested the universe to deliver to me. Hence, I have the feeling of freedom, see the choices, and breath into the motivation which comes from being unburdened by something I didn't really want in the first place. Yea!!! so cool huh?
Transition: dolls... in... space!!!!!! (you know like an echo-ey voice from a bad sci-fi movie where the words fade into the background? HA... visions don't fail me now.)
Friday, February 24
Dont waste it
On a somber note, Someone in my realm of peeps died suddenly this week. A healthy beautiful woman, vibrant, on the go, involved, single mother with 3 kids. She was healthy one day then within 48 hours had passed on. Life is a GIFT. A brief span of days in a body that is fairly fragile in some ways and impervious in others. The sun comes up each day with an opportunity for you to just say YES to EACH one with a smile. DO it! Experience it all and forget the should's. The should's NEVER have your back when it comes right down to it. Not to mention that the word is pure rubbish in the first place. How do you know what I should be doing? yea. you don't.
I see life as a series of choices based on previous choices. Dont live in the past... keep making the fearless ones! Even if you think you know everything? You really really don't. And then one day? You are gone. Energy shifted.
Carpe diem is an overused term but it still packs a whallop in the karmic scheme of things. Get in the saddle and RIDE fellas! So much to see before sunset... so much! People are waiting to share that ride with you too... Ripple in the pond, eh watson?
Thursday, February 23
LOVE
when you are offered flowers of love,
gather the delicate bouquet to your face,
deeply breath in their fragrance,
embrace the colors shining in all directions,
remove all your lingering doubts,
these blossoms are meant for you,
they were cultivated for your senses,
watered with tears of sorrow and joy,
nurtured with the glow of hope,
presented with joyous abandon,
placing trust again in a stranger,
knowing that the risks are great,
braving conventional fears in an irrational manner,
waiting, watching, hoping for that smile,
which makes all those risks worthwhile,
hearing life's sweet chorus sing yes yes yes...
there is love here and i see you.
I am beauty, love, light and laughter. No matter what anyone says, I will be nothing less... There are times when I see people doubting love and looking at me in disbelief as I show unashamed love. I feel like reaching out to them saying, watch and learn! Pain isn't anything but a thing. GET-T-F over it. Why would you keep yourself from running to the huge amount of joy love provides you because of that little blister you might have in your shoe from a previous walk?
Today I realized I may be standing in front of a man who is not allowing himself to see a huge reward the universe has offered us both. I believed in him when he reached out to me and kept believing despite his fears and hiding. Sadly, now, I fear he will have to re-earn that reward from me, if he even chooses to. Damn choices, eh mate? I wish him only the best as I always have. I am grateful to be reminded I can choose to stop over thinking things. That EVERYONE has boundaries that should be honored. How wonderful it feels to give your affections to a person you have a connection with and deem worthy. It reestablished the "I am worthy" of a certain level of respect and its time to stand up for that. My sweet friend, find your rewards here as well and stop being sad. You could always give up the fears and let us be friends. We could just play and enjoy life without expectations or anger or micro management of our time, or some kind of map to where the freaking wagon train will lead us next, and just have FUN! cuz really? Joy is what its all about. btw? I still feel you around me. You are still in my thoughts daily.
And as usual, on the music therapy side of all MY situations, I have been having an affair with Gavin Degraw's album/CD Sweeter (as if you didn't notice... HA. i love redundancies). I started February with Soldier, and in writing this entry? I gravitated to Stealing. I think I am going out to get a mic and a guitar... "we had a good time, then it was sorrow, i called it stealing, you called it borrowed..." :whistle:
hey did you like my poem? its was kinda groovy wasn't it? yea baby!!!!
gather the delicate bouquet to your face,
deeply breath in their fragrance,
embrace the colors shining in all directions,
remove all your lingering doubts,
these blossoms are meant for you,
they were cultivated for your senses,
watered with tears of sorrow and joy,
nurtured with the glow of hope,
presented with joyous abandon,
placing trust again in a stranger,
knowing that the risks are great,
braving conventional fears in an irrational manner,
waiting, watching, hoping for that smile,
which makes all those risks worthwhile,
hearing life's sweet chorus sing yes yes yes...
there is love here and i see you.
I am beauty, love, light and laughter. No matter what anyone says, I will be nothing less... There are times when I see people doubting love and looking at me in disbelief as I show unashamed love. I feel like reaching out to them saying, watch and learn! Pain isn't anything but a thing. GET-T-F over it. Why would you keep yourself from running to the huge amount of joy love provides you because of that little blister you might have in your shoe from a previous walk?
Today I realized I may be standing in front of a man who is not allowing himself to see a huge reward the universe has offered us both. I believed in him when he reached out to me and kept believing despite his fears and hiding. Sadly, now, I fear he will have to re-earn that reward from me, if he even chooses to. Damn choices, eh mate? I wish him only the best as I always have. I am grateful to be reminded I can choose to stop over thinking things. That EVERYONE has boundaries that should be honored. How wonderful it feels to give your affections to a person you have a connection with and deem worthy. It reestablished the "I am worthy" of a certain level of respect and its time to stand up for that. My sweet friend, find your rewards here as well and stop being sad. You could always give up the fears and let us be friends. We could just play and enjoy life without expectations or anger or micro management of our time, or some kind of map to where the freaking wagon train will lead us next, and just have FUN! cuz really? Joy is what its all about. btw? I still feel you around me. You are still in my thoughts daily.
And as usual, on the music therapy side of all MY situations, I have been having an affair with Gavin Degraw's album/CD Sweeter (as if you didn't notice... HA. i love redundancies). I started February with Soldier, and in writing this entry? I gravitated to Stealing. I think I am going out to get a mic and a guitar... "we had a good time, then it was sorrow, i called it stealing, you called it borrowed..." :whistle:
hey did you like my poem? its was kinda groovy wasn't it? yea baby!!!!
Wednesday, February 22
Monday, February 20
You know...
So I am looking over this plethora of mental diarrhea, and I notice something! I have a lot of entries that start with the words "you know"....
BAD grammar!!!! yea. I got it like that.
BAD grammar!!!! yea. I got it like that.
This song... yea.
Where did all the people go?
They got scared when the lights went low.
I'll get you through it nice and slow
When the world's spinning out of control
Afraid of what they might lose.
Might get scraped cause it might get broke
You could bet on what's the use.
That's why it's called the moment of truth.
Chorus:
I'll get it if you need it
I’ll search if you don't see it
You're thirsty I'll be your rain
You get hurt I'll take your pain
I know you don't believe it
But I said it and I still mean it
When you heard what I told you
When you get worried I'll be your soldier
Funny when times get hard
at the last moment when youre sposed to charge
we're always on the longest yard
oh they feel their feet getting cold
Funny when times get hard
at the last moment when youre sposed to charge
we're always on the longest yard
oh they feel their feet getting cold
hiding here, hiding there
find them underneath the stairs,
people hiding everywhere,
trying to be still like a stone
Chorus: repeat.
find them underneath the stairs,
people hiding everywhere,
trying to be still like a stone
Chorus: repeat.
Sunday, February 19
Its hard
when you get to a point you hear the same thing 50 times, and you see the contradiction 50 times... what do you start to believe? yea. me too.
time to stop listening!!!!
time to stop listening!!!!
Saturday, February 18
Reasons
Everything happens for a reason... EVERYTHING. I am trying to stay strong, figuring out "why" and remaining positive to the course.
Universe, give me support. My heart keeps getting shot out of the cannon and falling into the wrong places. I have faith you will send me a net that holds as much hope and compassion as I have for the recipient.
Namaste.
Universe, give me support. My heart keeps getting shot out of the cannon and falling into the wrong places. I have faith you will send me a net that holds as much hope and compassion as I have for the recipient.
Namaste.
rough
i had a lovely dinner at a friends house last night. i got a chance to get out of my element and see others perspective. i realized i am a bit of an odd bird, not in a bad way, just not as polished as some.
so call me a diamond in the rough... but ffs, CALL ME!!!
so call me a diamond in the rough... but ffs, CALL ME!!!
Friday, February 17
Out of Touch
This week on the planet where my body lives:
WHAT the HECK are you people THINKING???
Just calm down... take a DEEP breath. Resistance is futile. The sooner we let go and embrace our connections, and where they lead us with reassurance and faith? The easier it gets for EVERYONE... and you know when you say the word everyone? that includes YOU & ME.
Sigh. I don't know why as humans we have a pathetic ideal of our self importance. We have to stand our ground and put up walls of protection, usually disguised as anger or disgust. Then that venomous attitude is spewed on any living creature within range. LET GO... free fall, trust the process and the guidance you receive to just allow things to happen, allow people to be as they are.
You know I am talking to myself too. Being human is such a complex bag of emotional retarded mess. But, makes for a GREAT comedy routine. Am I right? yea I know I am.
WHAT the HECK are you people THINKING???
Just calm down... take a DEEP breath. Resistance is futile. The sooner we let go and embrace our connections, and where they lead us with reassurance and faith? The easier it gets for EVERYONE... and you know when you say the word everyone? that includes YOU & ME.
Sigh. I don't know why as humans we have a pathetic ideal of our self importance. We have to stand our ground and put up walls of protection, usually disguised as anger or disgust. Then that venomous attitude is spewed on any living creature within range. LET GO... free fall, trust the process and the guidance you receive to just allow things to happen, allow people to be as they are.
You know I am talking to myself too. Being human is such a complex bag of emotional retarded mess. But, makes for a GREAT comedy routine. Am I right? yea I know I am.
Thursday, February 16
TESTS~
Two of them... totally unprepared... I don't know why I do this to myself. Its like if I am not on the edge of something I can't keep motivated or guided to do the right thing.
Gotta rethink that HI. :wink:
(raising arizona reference, for those that are uneducated to it.)
Gotta rethink that HI. :wink:
(raising arizona reference, for those that are uneducated to it.)
Wednesday, February 15
Healing Stones
I had a thought about making a bracelet out of some healing stones. I have been feeling a lot of negative energy swirling around me lately. In truth, there is nothing wrong with being precautionary. Belief is half the battle isn't it?
I have been having panic attacks lately which isn't natural to me. I don't ever panic! That whole concept is foreign to me. Life is pretty simple! So, my perception is that its coming from outside, and since I can't help the person they ARE affecting, I want to protect myself.
Whomever you are thats feeling so close to me and a part of me, that is in a state of fear or upheaval, just call me. I swear it would be a lot better for both of us to talk this out. I am a GREAT listener. and I give pretty good hugs too...
Just sayin.
I have been having panic attacks lately which isn't natural to me. I don't ever panic! That whole concept is foreign to me. Life is pretty simple! So, my perception is that its coming from outside, and since I can't help the person they ARE affecting, I want to protect myself.
Whomever you are thats feeling so close to me and a part of me, that is in a state of fear or upheaval, just call me. I swear it would be a lot better for both of us to talk this out. I am a GREAT listener. and I give pretty good hugs too...
Just sayin.
Tuesday, February 14
Valentines Day
Whats the ideal date? I have had one for sure in September with a man I met online. I have had impromptu dates that were ideal as well! Isn't it all about becoming closer if thats your due course?
My magical date would be to show up unannounced on a day I know he is free to be out all day. I would have packed a basket with cheese, bread, pate, fruit and some beverages. I would have a bag with soft blankets and scented lotion. The digital camera and a handful of mixed CDs, plop him in the passenger seat and take OFF. Drive from one spot to another, no set agenda, stopping when we felt like it, making memories along the way. Ultimately I am fortunate enough to be able to end this date at the beach for a sunset walk and a small fire.
Becoming friends is what every relationship is about. Time spent in nature allows all that to just flow to the top. Hearts out in the open amongst the flowers learning about each other in trust, no expectations or agendas.
Carpe diem love bugs... lets procreate for the sheer joy of it! meow.
My magical date would be to show up unannounced on a day I know he is free to be out all day. I would have packed a basket with cheese, bread, pate, fruit and some beverages. I would have a bag with soft blankets and scented lotion. The digital camera and a handful of mixed CDs, plop him in the passenger seat and take OFF. Drive from one spot to another, no set agenda, stopping when we felt like it, making memories along the way. Ultimately I am fortunate enough to be able to end this date at the beach for a sunset walk and a small fire.
Becoming friends is what every relationship is about. Time spent in nature allows all that to just flow to the top. Hearts out in the open amongst the flowers learning about each other in trust, no expectations or agendas.
Carpe diem love bugs... lets procreate for the sheer joy of it! meow.
Monday, February 13
So, disappearing friend
Wow, last night you actually came and stayed in my dreams! So so lovely... it was peaceful and happy. YOU were still a bit timid, but opened up more to me than you have so far. Bravo. I felt your warmth start to glow a little, and it made me feel so much more at ease.
Now in real life? You have to let go and live. This stress you are putting yourself through isn't worth it. Its not changing anything, its closing doors, not opening them. Learn to forgive and let go... forgive and let go. Even forgive yourself and let go.
Nothing gets easier through agony or blame. You aren't being put upon, we all make choices and have to live with them. I have been where you are! Just reach out, dear. A friend is always there to take your hand and lead you through the fire. If its not me, another will be there. Allow this healing to begin.
I saw your sweet smile last night and your love of life. I felt your arms around me. Look in the mirror and find it again! xo
Now in real life? You have to let go and live. This stress you are putting yourself through isn't worth it. Its not changing anything, its closing doors, not opening them. Learn to forgive and let go... forgive and let go. Even forgive yourself and let go.
Nothing gets easier through agony or blame. You aren't being put upon, we all make choices and have to live with them. I have been where you are! Just reach out, dear. A friend is always there to take your hand and lead you through the fire. If its not me, another will be there. Allow this healing to begin.
I saw your sweet smile last night and your love of life. I felt your arms around me. Look in the mirror and find it again! xo
Sunday, February 12
sniffles
The son has a cold, my friend Michael has a cold, and I don't. Sometimes I wonder if I am a carrier of contagents but never get sick!
hm... pondering the deep thoughts surrounding bacteria and the spread of disease. a bit much for sunday. lol.
hm... pondering the deep thoughts surrounding bacteria and the spread of disease. a bit much for sunday. lol.
I went a wandering
I went to look at one of my friends online, its the only place I could see his face and he was GONE!!!! Well there you go. So in honor of the fact I no longer can see this persons smile, I went window shopping. Giggle!!!
If this last job goes well, I will be sporting a FABULOUS new hat on Valentines day. Hey, I don't have all the answers, but the hat will turn a few eyes with smiles in my direction.
Maybe his will come back someday... until then? Peace my bruttha! You shine, don't ever forget it. xo Wanna see my new hat? giggle.
If this last job goes well, I will be sporting a FABULOUS new hat on Valentines day. Hey, I don't have all the answers, but the hat will turn a few eyes with smiles in my direction.
Maybe his will come back someday... until then? Peace my bruttha! You shine, don't ever forget it. xo Wanna see my new hat? giggle.
Friday, February 3
Weighing in
So, current weight, 170 lbs. That stinks! My goal is to drop 35 lbs by summer. I AM going to do this.
Juicing, raw as often as possible, and no eating after 6 pm. I have already started working out everyday.... I CAN do this. Help me spirits.
My birthday is in 6 weeks... wonder how much I can lose by then? Keep watching.
Wednesday, February 1
Working Out
I have worked out for an hour and a half everyday. I am going to keep this up until my birthday!!!! I will enter a before shot on February 2nd and then a birthday shot of me in a fabulously sexy red dress on March 13th.
Keep your eyes on this spot! LOL
Keep your eyes on this spot! LOL
Monday, January 30
I See you
I swear my tongue gets fatter when I have to talk to you! I don't think I have ever had an issue with NOT being able to talk to someone. Its cute to see you do it too.
but, I do see you... through all the silence and stammers... I see you. Lets go out and PLAY!!!! I am ready to smile and laugh the day away.
and whats up with the anxiety darlin? light the candles and start chanting....
but, I do see you... through all the silence and stammers... I see you. Lets go out and PLAY!!!! I am ready to smile and laugh the day away.
and whats up with the anxiety darlin? light the candles and start chanting....
Expendable
Do I feel disposable? Not worthy of time or of attention? The law of attraction states that we attract to us what we are wanting, do I want people to see me as unimportant? I don't view myself as unimportant, but maybe outwardly I am giving off that energy. I have been feeling a bit run down and tired lately... spirit is giving me the time to rest I suppose.
I have been reaching out. Time to reach within. Put up the mirror and remind myself of all I do and all I am. With a smile and a heart hug.
I have been reaching out. Time to reach within. Put up the mirror and remind myself of all I do and all I am. With a smile and a heart hug.
Friday, January 27
internet HELL
I love internet dating! I have met a few really nice people... some not so nice.
Today's horror story:
I was speaking with a gentleman that lived in Hollywood. Nice man. One lunch date, we hit it off really well and became friends, nothing more. We have similar minds so it was easy flow conversation. We kept in touch by text and phone calls discussing family life and work. I hadn't heard from him in a week or two, so I sent him a text saying Hey you out there? Reply... yes.. I said, is everything ok? then the phone rings. He is calling...
me: This is Melanie
him: Hello... (a WOMAN'S voice)
me: HI.
HER: Are you trying to reach jeff?
me: yes who is this?
Her: my name is renee. I am jeff's girlfriend of 9 years... who is this
me: hi My name is Melanie
her: I am guessing he didn't tell you about me.
me: No.. didn't come up. Wow. Yikes. But honestly there isn't anything going on between me and Jeff.
her: well blah blah blah something rude and hateful
me: Seriously renee, Jeff and i are strictly platonic. there is no reason for you to be angry or nasty to me, i didn't do anything.
her: well you are among many
me: well, again, like i said, we didn't even talk about anything but work and our kids. so you can drop the attitude with me.
her: Yea well this phone number is going off.
me: sounds like a good idea to me. and thanks renee for calling me and letting me know. i appreciate it.
her: yea well goodbye
me: bye
I text-ed her after that saying thanks again, and instead of dumping the phone you should probably dump Jeff... seems like a better idea. giggle...
And last night, I got put "on hold" (whatever that means) by another man who contacted me via internet.
TY so much both of you for reminding me why I am super grateful to be a single woman. My heart is worthy of much more than this madness.
Today's horror story:
I was speaking with a gentleman that lived in Hollywood. Nice man. One lunch date, we hit it off really well and became friends, nothing more. We have similar minds so it was easy flow conversation. We kept in touch by text and phone calls discussing family life and work. I hadn't heard from him in a week or two, so I sent him a text saying Hey you out there? Reply... yes.. I said, is everything ok? then the phone rings. He is calling...
me: This is Melanie
him: Hello... (a WOMAN'S voice)
me: HI.
HER: Are you trying to reach jeff?
me: yes who is this?
Her: my name is renee. I am jeff's girlfriend of 9 years... who is this
me: hi My name is Melanie
her: I am guessing he didn't tell you about me.
me: No.. didn't come up. Wow. Yikes. But honestly there isn't anything going on between me and Jeff.
her: well blah blah blah something rude and hateful
me: Seriously renee, Jeff and i are strictly platonic. there is no reason for you to be angry or nasty to me, i didn't do anything.
her: well you are among many
me: well, again, like i said, we didn't even talk about anything but work and our kids. so you can drop the attitude with me.
her: Yea well this phone number is going off.
me: sounds like a good idea to me. and thanks renee for calling me and letting me know. i appreciate it.
her: yea well goodbye
me: bye
I text-ed her after that saying thanks again, and instead of dumping the phone you should probably dump Jeff... seems like a better idea. giggle...
And last night, I got put "on hold" (whatever that means) by another man who contacted me via internet.
TY so much both of you for reminding me why I am super grateful to be a single woman. My heart is worthy of much more than this madness.
Plannit.
I just don't get how I let myself fall into the cracks of "daydreaming" and lose track of time so quickly. I freakin need a day planner, as in someone who plans out my day, and I just follow along. I guess that could be me.
Because right now? I have 4 billion things to do and I am sitting on my katoocus at the desk writing on my BLOG!!!! ha.
i got ta move it move it... (whiste n shake)
Because right now? I have 4 billion things to do and I am sitting on my katoocus at the desk writing on my BLOG!!!! ha.
i got ta move it move it... (whiste n shake)
Wednesday, January 25
Lets Unpack.
One fine day long ago, I walked into a bar where my girlfriend was working. I was at the counter writing in my journal. Not long after I got there, a man walked in and sat down next to me. He was with a woman friend of his. His friend gets up to go to the bathroom. At this point, my bar-tending friend says, "I have someone I want you to meet, Jeff." I turn to look at him. The eyes that turned and looked at me that night spooked me. I had a significant dream about those eyes 2 years before I met him. Even though I was intrigued, I ran away. To no avail, he came back over and over again. The universe threw us together for reasons I am still learning today. The few years that followed I lived in a beautiful hell I can still recall at special moments. This exquisite pain shows up especially when I see similar behaviors exhibited in another.
What made this one so special, for one, Jeff wouldn't sleep with me. The 3 years we lived together, he slept on the couch. Another, Mr. Handsome would call me slut in the middle of the night because I had talked to one of his friends while we were all sitting around drinking. Also, he would disappear for days without communication. In his mind, he didn't owe me any type of explanation even though he knew I would be worried, or would have given me shit if I had done that! I paid for our rent, and bills... I was the caregiver. That lead me down a road to weight gain, self sabotage and disbelief that love was a good thing. Self abuse was my lifestyle as I didn't see anyway out at that very moment. To this day a scar lives in me that reminds me to not fall into that trap again. Don't let people treat you with disrespect via their own fears or issues. Do not enable their crap. Be there if they need you with what you can offer, but NOT at the expense of your good heart or good nature.
I realize that we all choose where we stand or sit in our lives. I don't know who was inside my body for those years. I had one or two friends that gave up on me because I wasn't seeing the problems. There is no blame for any of it. Life holds no blame. Part of the issue was not being properly supported/educated to focus, ask for what I wanted and believed I could receive those things without suffering. Or believe in myself at all.
There is a possibility of spending some time reliving past relationship experiences upon encountering new people that enter our circle. And even though I have moved far beyond that space, there is a fear of the "couch daze" making a repeat performance. I look into the eyes of the new people/men I meet, I listen to the soothing tones of their stories. I can hear with an open mind every time, but the minute I cross over that line in the sand towards caring, the little prickly burrs of fear start collecting. I keep picking them off one by one.. eventually these burrs will be burned in a fire created by a love that sees me, we can embrace openly and honestly; a friend, companion, lover, child, man.
I know that I am going to fall in love at some point again. Then, we can sit together by the fire and toss these little insignificant remnants to the past, creating a path towards the freedom of smiling relieved of our residual fears.
Great quote I heard the other day:
Everyone comes with baggage, find someone that loves you enough to help you unpack.
I am that person... who are you?
What made this one so special, for one, Jeff wouldn't sleep with me. The 3 years we lived together, he slept on the couch. Another, Mr. Handsome would call me slut in the middle of the night because I had talked to one of his friends while we were all sitting around drinking. Also, he would disappear for days without communication. In his mind, he didn't owe me any type of explanation even though he knew I would be worried, or would have given me shit if I had done that! I paid for our rent, and bills... I was the caregiver. That lead me down a road to weight gain, self sabotage and disbelief that love was a good thing. Self abuse was my lifestyle as I didn't see anyway out at that very moment. To this day a scar lives in me that reminds me to not fall into that trap again. Don't let people treat you with disrespect via their own fears or issues. Do not enable their crap. Be there if they need you with what you can offer, but NOT at the expense of your good heart or good nature.
I realize that we all choose where we stand or sit in our lives. I don't know who was inside my body for those years. I had one or two friends that gave up on me because I wasn't seeing the problems. There is no blame for any of it. Life holds no blame. Part of the issue was not being properly supported/educated to focus, ask for what I wanted and believed I could receive those things without suffering. Or believe in myself at all.
There is a possibility of spending some time reliving past relationship experiences upon encountering new people that enter our circle. And even though I have moved far beyond that space, there is a fear of the "couch daze" making a repeat performance. I look into the eyes of the new people/men I meet, I listen to the soothing tones of their stories. I can hear with an open mind every time, but the minute I cross over that line in the sand towards caring, the little prickly burrs of fear start collecting. I keep picking them off one by one.. eventually these burrs will be burned in a fire created by a love that sees me, we can embrace openly and honestly; a friend, companion, lover, child, man.
I know that I am going to fall in love at some point again. Then, we can sit together by the fire and toss these little insignificant remnants to the past, creating a path towards the freedom of smiling relieved of our residual fears.
Great quote I heard the other day:
Everyone comes with baggage, find someone that loves you enough to help you unpack.
I am that person... who are you?
Monday, January 23
why
You know the universe puts people in our path for a reason. And as I sit here in silence I wonder why you have been placed in my path. A choice you made is why we are here. You pulled me in, brought me to you. Now after the moments, where are we? And why do I spend any time questioning it? Is there a reason you are questioning yourself?
I know how I feel, no questions. Maybe I am not seeing why I don't measure up in your eyes. Would I change to make that happen? How long do you wait for your heart to decide again its ok to love?
Love isn't safe dear ones. Love is a hurricane, a thunderstorm, a rainbow, a smile, a good luck charm, a reason to have that shit eating grin from a day spent between the covers, a sharp rock that scars you, a splinter that irritates, a brain spasm at any moment when that persons smile flashes in your mind, the eyes that look up at you from the pillow, the whispers you hear in the wind, reminding you that all of life is beauty and perpetuating suffering by isolation is useless.
Walk into the dream darling... take a deep breath, sit down on the hammock and enjoy the sounds of the waves of love that fall all around you, whispering to you that you may not be safe from all hurt, but your home where band aids and soothing kisses are plentiful. you can call me nurse mel! and i can call you doctor... if you are into that sort of thing! giggle...
yea. lets swing the hammock in tandem.
I know how I feel, no questions. Maybe I am not seeing why I don't measure up in your eyes. Would I change to make that happen? How long do you wait for your heart to decide again its ok to love?
Love isn't safe dear ones. Love is a hurricane, a thunderstorm, a rainbow, a smile, a good luck charm, a reason to have that shit eating grin from a day spent between the covers, a sharp rock that scars you, a splinter that irritates, a brain spasm at any moment when that persons smile flashes in your mind, the eyes that look up at you from the pillow, the whispers you hear in the wind, reminding you that all of life is beauty and perpetuating suffering by isolation is useless.
Walk into the dream darling... take a deep breath, sit down on the hammock and enjoy the sounds of the waves of love that fall all around you, whispering to you that you may not be safe from all hurt, but your home where band aids and soothing kisses are plentiful. you can call me nurse mel! and i can call you doctor... if you are into that sort of thing! giggle...
yea. lets swing the hammock in tandem.
Sunday, January 22
smile...
Interesting that yesterday I ran into all kinds of issues. left and right, and no matter, i was smiling! simple reason for that... you said hello.
I often wonder if there is a test going on that I miss all the answers on. Like how many days can the universe show you where you need to grow before you break down and scream like a hungry angry love deprived monkey. Then the universe brings in all the ones looking to take something from you... And yet? still smiling.
I can do this, today. I can DO this!!!!
I often wonder if there is a test going on that I miss all the answers on. Like how many days can the universe show you where you need to grow before you break down and scream like a hungry angry love deprived monkey. Then the universe brings in all the ones looking to take something from you... And yet? still smiling.
I can do this, today. I can DO this!!!!
Monday, January 16
the lonely lists.
You know there are so many laws set forth by man in this universe. The 10 commandments, the laws of attraction, the laws of dating, the laws of social interaction, the lists are endless. We all set out to define how we are supposed to be around the others. It becomes so convoluted that you don't know if you are coming or going sometimes. Whats he going to think if I do that. Whats she going to say if I do that!!! How are we going to perceive the next thing that comes down the road towards us? Threat or treasure!? I am so battle weary.
I have spent nights in the arms of people that I loved but didn't love themselves enough to ever really love me. That being said, I am not the type to give up on someone I love. Its caused me countless scars. I am seen as a fool or a sucker more often than not. You ask, how is that helping your life? I guess in the long run it doesn't in regards to the lists. What I know is that I am an evolved woman, ready to give her heart without hesitation to the man that wants it, deems it worthy, see's it for the light it can provide on a daily basis. I am not without my faults. Every peak has a cavern. Every day has a night. I am no different a creature of these physical aspects of the universe.
I am free now to choose a new partner and a new life. Have been for over 2 years. I am walking down that road. I want to believe his honesty, his passion and our connection. Faith... melanie Faith.
I have spent nights in the arms of people that I loved but didn't love themselves enough to ever really love me. That being said, I am not the type to give up on someone I love. Its caused me countless scars. I am seen as a fool or a sucker more often than not. You ask, how is that helping your life? I guess in the long run it doesn't in regards to the lists. What I know is that I am an evolved woman, ready to give her heart without hesitation to the man that wants it, deems it worthy, see's it for the light it can provide on a daily basis. I am not without my faults. Every peak has a cavern. Every day has a night. I am no different a creature of these physical aspects of the universe.
I am free now to choose a new partner and a new life. Have been for over 2 years. I am walking down that road. I want to believe his honesty, his passion and our connection. Faith... melanie Faith.
Sunday, January 15
Saturday, January 14
Late night at the Oasis
Sometimes things surprise you. Last night I was pleasantly surprised. I am not sure traditional methods are at work here. I have to trust my instincts and gain respect.
Respect is mandatory for moving forward.
Respect is mandatory for moving forward.
Friday, January 6
Hostility
Today I woke up tired, and then drank coffee... It usually makes me a bit edgy/grumpy. The only bonus to that today was saying how I felt. I also accomplished tasks I have been putting off for a while now.
Now, one more HUGE push next week, and I think that i will be organized and ready to face the "classroom". School starts Jan. 23rd... taking 10 hours? yea four classes.
Don't need luck, need brain support! Diet, exercise and sleep.... BRING IT!
manifestation, destination, beautiful sensation!
Now, one more HUGE push next week, and I think that i will be organized and ready to face the "classroom". School starts Jan. 23rd... taking 10 hours? yea four classes.
Don't need luck, need brain support! Diet, exercise and sleep.... BRING IT!
manifestation, destination, beautiful sensation!
Thursday, January 5
The Escape
I was in a room with a man, a stranger. We seemed to know each other. We spoke like we knew each other. When we tried to leave this area, there was danger. Jungle animals had blocked the entrance. We both looked for ways out alone, but ultimately I came up with an escape route. You followed me and we ran!
I finally ended up at a bar in a resort hotel in the mountains. I asked for a glass of water. A man was sitting next to me. He was feeling unhappy and I cheered him up with some banter. They gave me some beautiful water bottles to take with me. He and I discussed heading upstairs together, but I think we walked instead.
I ended up alone in the snow heading to my car afraid, walking through the snow. I jumped in, warmed up the car and headed down the mountain. My car swerved off the road into a leather shoe shop. I went in to shop and woke up.
Monday, January 2
Juicer
Ok people. A new year and a new challenge. I have decided to really get back into shape, watching what I eat more closely and throwing in juices, thanks to my wonderful parents for purchasing me a breville juicer for my Christmas present!
Also I must consider going a bit more "raw" with my food intake. I have been reading up on supplements for the brain, and what to do there. A very fine lady is going to help me with my quest, Ninaya. I welcome the opportunity to find the real joy inside through healthier eating and living. Choosing minute by minute to become more clear.
I encourage you all to consider your bodies and what they need to be fed in order to preform in the optimum condition! Day one starts on Saturday!!!
Also I must consider going a bit more "raw" with my food intake. I have been reading up on supplements for the brain, and what to do there. A very fine lady is going to help me with my quest, Ninaya. I welcome the opportunity to find the real joy inside through healthier eating and living. Choosing minute by minute to become more clear.
I encourage you all to consider your bodies and what they need to be fed in order to preform in the optimum condition! Day one starts on Saturday!!!
Friday, December 30
Tuesday, December 27
Communication
I had a dream about you. You were standing next to me in a rain coat, not sure WHAT you had on underneath, but you were mumbling... something under your breath while you looked at me with wondering eyes. You want to tell me something, but you are afraid to do it. Or you are so nervous you are unsure what to say when you are around me. I woke up in confusion of how to help you get past that. I also realized then you have to want to.
I asked the universe today how we are going to get past this. How are we going to talk to each other. This card showed up.
Peacefully and lovingly. Wonderful.
I asked the universe today how we are going to get past this. How are we going to talk to each other. This card showed up.
Peacefully and lovingly. Wonderful.
Four Leaf Clovers
Night before last I dreamt of you. You couldn't figure out what to say to me... You stumbled and mumbled all the while looking at me... turning in circles, asking for patience. You have it.
Last night I dreamt of four leaf clovers. Succulent abundant everywhere I looked, four leaf clovers. That was only part of the dream.
Every night the dreams I have are vivid symbolism of what is to come. I vow to spend a few mins in the morning to write them down.
Hello world, we will all benefit from our singular good fortunes! Let your light shine.
Last night I dreamt of four leaf clovers. Succulent abundant everywhere I looked, four leaf clovers. That was only part of the dream.
Every night the dreams I have are vivid symbolism of what is to come. I vow to spend a few mins in the morning to write them down.
Hello world, we will all benefit from our singular good fortunes! Let your light shine.
Friday, December 16
Passion
Hello! Where have you been hiding?
I could use you to come out and play these next 10 years or more. I would love to be inspired again. About anything.
BRING IT!
I could use you to come out and play these next 10 years or more. I would love to be inspired again. About anything.
BRING IT!
Monday, December 12
Guts
Last night the strangest feeling came over me... I felt like my insides were being electrified. Some kind of twisted feeling, that was being thinly contained by my skin and bones. I was on fire, and couldn't escape.
I thought about you again. You appeared in my dreams for a second time, and I am not sure where that fits. I can't see you for all the reeds and mirrors you throw up to deflect feelings.
I feel your stress, I feel your emotions. Please don't run mad into the night and forget why you are here. Who is there for you. Why do we all have fire in our hearts that make us reach for disaster? Are we willing to be burnt over and over again?
I don't play dirty, I don't chase. I wont lie. These complexities make me beautiful. A shiny fish woman in the ocean hiding in her own shadows, having been chased there by the demons in my head. How can I wiggle out of these invisible tethers in order to become the best me? And do you require some kind of bait? or do you see the real me?
This isn't meant for me, my strengths are being tapped. Bring me your love and joy. Bring me your fierce strength and know this mermaid has a heart worth winning. You just have to get past the scars from this lifetimes shark bites. I have ointment to soothe yours as well.
I thought about you again. You appeared in my dreams for a second time, and I am not sure where that fits. I can't see you for all the reeds and mirrors you throw up to deflect feelings.
I feel your stress, I feel your emotions. Please don't run mad into the night and forget why you are here. Who is there for you. Why do we all have fire in our hearts that make us reach for disaster? Are we willing to be burnt over and over again?
I don't play dirty, I don't chase. I wont lie. These complexities make me beautiful. A shiny fish woman in the ocean hiding in her own shadows, having been chased there by the demons in my head. How can I wiggle out of these invisible tethers in order to become the best me? And do you require some kind of bait? or do you see the real me?
This isn't meant for me, my strengths are being tapped. Bring me your love and joy. Bring me your fierce strength and know this mermaid has a heart worth winning. You just have to get past the scars from this lifetimes shark bites. I have ointment to soothe yours as well.
Keep on chasing down that rainbow
You'll never know what you might find
Over the sunset on the horizon
Maybe you dream but it tastes like poison
I'm gonna take that tiger outside for a ride
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
You'll never know what you might find
Over the sunset on the horizon
Maybe you dream but it tastes like poison
I'm gonna take that tiger outside for a ride
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
Someday you might find your hero
Some say you might lose your mind
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
Some say you might lose your mind
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
Sunday, December 11
Christmas Set up
Christmas mood is a bit of a downer this winter. I am going to Texas to see my family and that will be wonderful, but in my heart I want to be home in Santa Barbara with my Organic Soup Kitchen family. I have worked all year for this event, and wont be here to enjoy it! But you all can,
Please sign up to enjoy an event, the 3rd Annual Organic Soup Kitchen Dinner and bring me along with you in spirit.
Happy Holidays my loving and gracious comrades.
Please sign up to enjoy an event, the 3rd Annual Organic Soup Kitchen Dinner and bring me along with you in spirit.
Happy Holidays my loving and gracious comrades.
Wednesday, December 7
Day 21
Well, here we are. Started fiber. Not working yet... i expect great things today though! giggle. I am doing well on the eating. I have to say that chocolate is my BIGGEST nemesis. I must take that demon by the throat and tame it soon.
I have been doing my morning tonics... Now to beef up on the leafy greens, juices and extra water. Something I realized, I hold my stress in my intestines. Must get some "louise" magic going on that area of the body.
Today? A morning meeting a new friend, finishing up volunteer spot designations, template for my website, texting a friend in need, taking a nap, and a possible christmas card for my friends and family. Then the boys chores!!!!
I love you and I me, and there is a lot of me to go around. Lets support each other in becoming the best we can be for ourselves and others.
I have been doing my morning tonics... Now to beef up on the leafy greens, juices and extra water. Something I realized, I hold my stress in my intestines. Must get some "louise" magic going on that area of the body.
Today? A morning meeting a new friend, finishing up volunteer spot designations, template for my website, texting a friend in need, taking a nap, and a possible christmas card for my friends and family. Then the boys chores!!!!
I love you and I me, and there is a lot of me to go around. Lets support each other in becoming the best we can be for ourselves and others.
Tuesday, December 6
DreamTime
I had a WILDly strange dream last night. In part of the dream there was a store/retail establishment called Sharing dreams (or something like that, sharing time, etc). You go in and they have couches where you spend time with your pets. You dress up in costume and then you have "quality time". The bottom floor had costumes, accessories and pets you could RENT!
oh and my ex was there. not J, Don.
oh and my ex was there. not J, Don.
Monday, December 5
Day 22
The countdown continues!!!!
Today I woke up and cooked myself (and others) eggs in coconut oil, with avocado and fresh tomatoes on the side. Apple slices too. Then off to work at the school. I was bad and didn't do my tonic (wrist slap) and drank 3 cups of coffee! Tomorrow I will be better.
Then after working at the school this morning a meeting with a truly wonderful woman who is helping me with my desire to get this body healthy and functioning without as many internal aches. I have had an ache in a specific area of my body for a few years, not realizing what the cause was. We discovered it. I hope I can choose my health over that pesky desire to eat chocolate and sugar! Daily choice of not putting poisons in my body.
What will I find at the end of this road? A refreshed version of me. I hope my mind really enjoys all this work. I know that my body is going to be muy thankful!
Snubbing old age, eating well, continuing my mind work, daily body toning and Yoga. A retreat is in my future... oh yea! Day 22? I LOVE YA!
Today I woke up and cooked myself (and others) eggs in coconut oil, with avocado and fresh tomatoes on the side. Apple slices too. Then off to work at the school. I was bad and didn't do my tonic (wrist slap) and drank 3 cups of coffee! Tomorrow I will be better.
Then after working at the school this morning a meeting with a truly wonderful woman who is helping me with my desire to get this body healthy and functioning without as many internal aches. I have had an ache in a specific area of my body for a few years, not realizing what the cause was. We discovered it. I hope I can choose my health over that pesky desire to eat chocolate and sugar! Daily choice of not putting poisons in my body.
What will I find at the end of this road? A refreshed version of me. I hope my mind really enjoys all this work. I know that my body is going to be muy thankful!
Snubbing old age, eating well, continuing my mind work, daily body toning and Yoga. A retreat is in my future... oh yea! Day 22? I LOVE YA!
Sunday, December 4
Day 23
Well day 24, I cleaned out the garage, got rid of some furniture, and basically did a few domestic chores.
Day 23 is upon us! I am awake after not a lot of sleep last night. Cleaned out the hamster cage, heading to Costco for some dish soap and an insane amount of toilet paper! Then, dropping off some donations to Goodwill, listing a few more things on Craigslist, and a Christmas card the boy and I are going to work on. YOGA. Tonight I might need a sitter. Any takers?
all my friends, I wish you well on this glorious california day. xo
Day 23 is upon us! I am awake after not a lot of sleep last night. Cleaned out the hamster cage, heading to Costco for some dish soap and an insane amount of toilet paper! Then, dropping off some donations to Goodwill, listing a few more things on Craigslist, and a Christmas card the boy and I are going to work on. YOGA. Tonight I might need a sitter. Any takers?
all my friends, I wish you well on this glorious california day. xo
Friday, December 2
25 Days of Me!
Tuesdays and Thursdays are my "Let it Go" yoga classes in the am. I LOVE my yoga teacher. Its not a traditional class, its a stretch and relax yoga class. I am the kind of girl that has a tendency towards high energy, higher thinking, always gearing up on how to most efficiently accomplish the next task to be completed. I need this class every day, in other words. How come I can't solely focus on myself? What is it I am avoiding!? Why can't I stay in the now? Hence, breath into the "me". Find the "me" lotus. Today, during my "Happy Baby Pose", I had an epiphany. The 25 days of Me... oh yea.
A couple of days ago, a wonderful lady friend of mine did an hour session with me talking about what my nutritional, exercise, body goals are. We set some short term parameters in order to get the structure set up. I am on a mission to relearn myself. Look in the mirror and smile. Enjoy the moment to moment existence that a lot of others on this planet seem to have a grip on.
I start with exercise, and emotional eating. I have five days planned out, Tues and Thursday for sure. My goal is the next 25 days with a class each day, or doing yoga at home. Today? Yoga at home with the kiddo. Oh yea! Will help to have him on board with some exercise too.
Day #1: Let it Go Yoga with Jan... complete
Day #2: Yoga at home with son... pending pick up.
Day #3: Yoga at home, go to the Y.
keep ya posted.
A couple of days ago, a wonderful lady friend of mine did an hour session with me talking about what my nutritional, exercise, body goals are. We set some short term parameters in order to get the structure set up. I am on a mission to relearn myself. Look in the mirror and smile. Enjoy the moment to moment existence that a lot of others on this planet seem to have a grip on.
I start with exercise, and emotional eating. I have five days planned out, Tues and Thursday for sure. My goal is the next 25 days with a class each day, or doing yoga at home. Today? Yoga at home with the kiddo. Oh yea! Will help to have him on board with some exercise too.
Day #1: Let it Go Yoga with Jan... complete
Day #2: Yoga at home with son... pending pick up.
Day #3: Yoga at home, go to the Y.
keep ya posted.
Monday, November 28
Analysis #59 (and counting)
I have been doing self help work for a while now. Years in fact. I still fall into some of the old patterns from time to time. Like feeling sorry for myself, which is never a good use of my energy. Its basically just an excuse to not have to accomplish anything and laze about eating bad food!!!!
Today a reminder hit my email thanks to a stranger I was hoping to become friends with. It was that rejection based on assumption that really opened my eyes. This process is basically the way I treat myself. When I make my food choices, exercise choices, friend choices, I tend to be single sighted and feed those individually instead of visualizing the whole picture. This body is a tool for me to use in order to accomplish the things I want to accomplish! I must treat it with a greater amount of respect. Today is that day to begin fresh and start anew.
All of me, why not take all of me???? :whistle:
Today a reminder hit my email thanks to a stranger I was hoping to become friends with. It was that rejection based on assumption that really opened my eyes. This process is basically the way I treat myself. When I make my food choices, exercise choices, friend choices, I tend to be single sighted and feed those individually instead of visualizing the whole picture. This body is a tool for me to use in order to accomplish the things I want to accomplish! I must treat it with a greater amount of respect. Today is that day to begin fresh and start anew.
All of me, why not take all of me???? :whistle:
Friday, November 25
Thanks
I had a wonderful day yesterday serving food, working with beautiful people, and loving life. I hope you all had days full of smiles and memories.
Thanks for everyday I am here and able to do what I love.
Thanks for everyday I am here and able to do what I love.
Wednesday, November 23
I choose
This morning I woke up in a bit of a downer, because I had such a wonderfully free day yesterday, and now awake, back in the throws of real life. But one minute in time can change your entire perspective.
I was sitting sipping my coffee leftover from my drive home, looking at some tarot cards I pulled on Monday regarding a situation, and the phone rang. A volunteer that is LOST!!! I had the same issue the first time I went to help out at the Organic Soup Kitchen. I had a very pleasant conversation with her, and got her back on the road to food prep land. So grateful to have the reminder of what a wonderful time I am going to have this week; amazing people, amazing abundance and amazing results. And I get to share this with my son. Oh yea!!!
Reminder to self: I choose. I have the power to choose the things that affect me or don't. Allowing and accepting are the only real choices to maintain my true happiness within. I have been given so much abundance, I am grateful that it always comes to me and I can share that with others.
Now if I invited you to join me, would you like to spend some time with me and some other special people getting to know each other in community and joy? I am going to reach out and try.
I was sitting sipping my coffee leftover from my drive home, looking at some tarot cards I pulled on Monday regarding a situation, and the phone rang. A volunteer that is LOST!!! I had the same issue the first time I went to help out at the Organic Soup Kitchen. I had a very pleasant conversation with her, and got her back on the road to food prep land. So grateful to have the reminder of what a wonderful time I am going to have this week; amazing people, amazing abundance and amazing results. And I get to share this with my son. Oh yea!!!
Reminder to self: I choose. I have the power to choose the things that affect me or don't. Allowing and accepting are the only real choices to maintain my true happiness within. I have been given so much abundance, I am grateful that it always comes to me and I can share that with others.
Now if I invited you to join me, would you like to spend some time with me and some other special people getting to know each other in community and joy? I am going to reach out and try.
Monday, November 21
My body
Looking at a picture of me from 4 years ago, I was appalled!!!! I was HUGE. I am glad that i have turned this around, but wow. eye opener! I had good friends around me that loved me, so it wasn't much of a concern that I wouldn't be loved as a big woman. Interesting at the time I didn't feel ugly, just uncomfortable.
Growing up my body didn't require ANY working out to stay slim. I was hugely active and no matter what I ate, I burnt it off. I mean don't get me wrong, I am built very very curvy, I just didn't have any excess fat. As I hit my 30s and drank more, that changed. I didn't move as much and the calories from the sugar hit me. I wasnt huge, but I started getting self doubt and getting bigger. Then full on pregnancy and a break down in my ankle, I gained a lot of weight. I was huge!
Realizing something had to change, I had an ankle operation. I couldnt lose weight not being able to utilize that ankle. It is amazing to be pain free after 10 years of everyday swelling in my ankle!!! GRATITUDE! The surgery took a while to heal, and I couldn't walk during that time. (more weight) Then I could and didn't want to, self esteem issues and a boyfriend that just wasn't right for me. After that break up, I knew, it was time to rethink my life.
My next step was gastric bypass surgery, and that lead to a weight loss of over 100 lbs (i have about 30 more to go for my ideal weight). My body can MOVE!!! I am looking and feeling sexier than I have in years. Thegirl woman I see in the mirror is a bit foreign to me seeing as she disappeared around the age of 32. During this process I have re-learned a lot about myself and learning new things. Especially about my intimate encounters, personal relationships are going to be fun and exciting for me now. Its about TIME! I may seem a bit naive, silly and youthful in a lot of ways, but there is a depth of maturity and wisdom. and Just simple warning: never underestimate a Pisces. Pisces are supremely mellow, but will lash out when they feel attacked.
So, look for me on the streets. I am the giggling lady with the new look in her eyes. Maybe its for you, if you look deep enough to find it, dear fish.
Growing up my body didn't require ANY working out to stay slim. I was hugely active and no matter what I ate, I burnt it off. I mean don't get me wrong, I am built very very curvy, I just didn't have any excess fat. As I hit my 30s and drank more, that changed. I didn't move as much and the calories from the sugar hit me. I wasnt huge, but I started getting self doubt and getting bigger. Then full on pregnancy and a break down in my ankle, I gained a lot of weight. I was huge!
Realizing something had to change, I had an ankle operation. I couldnt lose weight not being able to utilize that ankle. It is amazing to be pain free after 10 years of everyday swelling in my ankle!!! GRATITUDE! The surgery took a while to heal, and I couldn't walk during that time. (more weight) Then I could and didn't want to, self esteem issues and a boyfriend that just wasn't right for me. After that break up, I knew, it was time to rethink my life.
My next step was gastric bypass surgery, and that lead to a weight loss of over 100 lbs (i have about 30 more to go for my ideal weight). My body can MOVE!!! I am looking and feeling sexier than I have in years. The
So, look for me on the streets. I am the giggling lady with the new look in her eyes. Maybe its for you, if you look deep enough to find it, dear fish.
Sunday, November 20
An old Post
This post (Rene Magritte - The lovers) from 2007 gets the MOST hits on my blog when the search comes up. And there is such a truth to this image.
In art school, I did a copy of this painting because the image is so impactive for me, I wanted to try it myself. A couple of years later a boyfriend of mine took a knife to it and shreaded it in front of me. I have learned a lot about myself and men over the years. Abuse was only part of it. Joy was the most of it. Truth can be the most elusive element. Taking moments to know each other is a requirement most men have no patience for.
Moving on to a different comment about Magritte's amazing image. As far as I am concerned, don't worry about hiding who you are from me. I take life as it is, all your faults and secrets are as beautiful as your strengths in my eyes, friends. The more honest the more attractive. Let it out! Once you do, most of it fades away and the sparkly bits gather more light. Just sayin.
In art school, I did a copy of this painting because the image is so impactive for me, I wanted to try it myself. A couple of years later a boyfriend of mine took a knife to it and shreaded it in front of me. I have learned a lot about myself and men over the years. Abuse was only part of it. Joy was the most of it. Truth can be the most elusive element. Taking moments to know each other is a requirement most men have no patience for.
Moving on to a different comment about Magritte's amazing image. As far as I am concerned, don't worry about hiding who you are from me. I take life as it is, all your faults and secrets are as beautiful as your strengths in my eyes, friends. The more honest the more attractive. Let it out! Once you do, most of it fades away and the sparkly bits gather more light. Just sayin.
Friday, November 18
Jellies
I blame Anthony Carroccio for the inspiration. I am hoping if all goes well, 20% of the profits will go to his "non-profit" organization, The Organic Soup Kitchen. I have been working with him since April and thoroughly enjoy my work.
I have only about 6 or 7 different products. I will keep you informed after the show! Wish me luck. xo
UPDATE: Nailed it!!! The A game was in town and i sold almost everything I took there. Yes. well proven fact. I .. CAN... CooK!!!!!
Thursday, November 17
Short Fuse
For a long time, I had a VERY short fuse fueled by my intolerance to all sorts of things. I realize that anger isn't my friend. Forgive me if I stomp off sometimes out of frustration. Its just that most of this life bores me to tears, and I have a difficult time finding a happy medium in some moments.
I am truly a very happy person, I just don't hold much in and it can cause a few fire spurts here and there. Then I am back to mellow charming smiling positive me! Maybe I am lacking something... like a three letter word that ends in X. yea.
I am truly a very happy person, I just don't hold much in and it can cause a few fire spurts here and there. Then I am back to mellow charming smiling positive me! Maybe I am lacking something... like a three letter word that ends in X. yea.
Tuesday, November 15
Scattered
i don't understand what my brain does with certain information! i feel like there is a space in my head that always needs filling with something, and if its empty my mind makes up stuff to put in there, filling the void! scary... just damn scary.
I figured it out!!!! If I let go, and let all the air out of those tires on that vehicle, I just say what I feel, then it works out, and leaves my brain. And I am back on track. If you get notes from me that are honest and forthright, I am grateful for your attention and your responses, negative or positive. Don't hold back. Do you really want to spend your life in regret by not saying what is in your heart because of what someone else might think???? They are going to think what they want to anyway no matter WHAT you say. BE FREE!!!! Be kind. Be loving... Be honest. And do it along with me.
I figured it out!!!! If I let go, and let all the air out of those tires on that vehicle, I just say what I feel, then it works out, and leaves my brain. And I am back on track. If you get notes from me that are honest and forthright, I am grateful for your attention and your responses, negative or positive. Don't hold back. Do you really want to spend your life in regret by not saying what is in your heart because of what someone else might think???? They are going to think what they want to anyway no matter WHAT you say. BE FREE!!!! Be kind. Be loving... Be honest. And do it along with me.
Monday, November 14
call me
You know you want to! LOL. your voice is ringing in my head, and I would love to hear it again... and again.
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