Practical

Maybe I am not practical enough to be a mother. I don't seem to be able to meet specific timing issues. Always been a problem. Comes from my core belief that time is irrelevant. Its a measurement used to keep track of what we are doing where we are going etc. All of life happens whether we measure it or not. I find it highly amusing that we pretend to control that aspect of the universe.

That being said, I realize its "importance" to my relationship with others living here. And when it comes to cooking, or the amount of distance I can travel in a time frame. Where to meet and "when". Even after I say those practical applications, I still find it amusing. My mother and others may say, "You are using that as an excuse to not be on time, or do things in a timely manner." Thats because I am having to do these things on YOUR time frame.

Anyway... I find that my disregard of time and the necessity of getting things done in alloted time frames are impractical when it comes to raising a child. Doesn't mean I will become any better at working the "system of time". Just means that I need a little clock with bells that ring at intervals to make sure I am moving to the beat of another's schedule.

someday... i will have a hut and NO CLOCKS ALLOWED!!!! Come visit me there. I will be a happy little guru. :-p

Scary Dream

I hate having disturbing images in my dreams. It happens frequently. After all the years I have had them, i am only slightly desensitized to them. This one wasn't really spooky, but the image in my head wouldn't leave. It kept me awake for a little while and when I did go back to sleep it still wasn't out of my head. whew...

You want to know don't you? I was in a shop/restaurant/hotel sort of place somewhere. The person at the counter said, watch out for those two over there. I said why? They are always up to something. Today they seem to be bent on torturing themselves with carving tools...

Sure enough I look over and one of the girls is peeling off her skin with a carving tool, making detailed scrolls, not deeply, just a quarter inch into her skin. NO BLOOD! the other girl had a hollow tube and was making swirls up and down her legs... carving away at herself. I could see the areas where the flesh was gone, almost to the bone. Again, NO BLOOD or organs showing. It was like watching wax figures carving themselves up. Making no noises, except a few words to one another while they were "decorating" they called it.

I tried to not look and you know how that goes. I couldn't help but LOOK!!!!! thats when I said in my sleepy brain, you have to wake up, and i did. Read a few words, then made myself forget it and went back to sleep.

Surreal baby... I should have known that first dream I remember as a child that it was going to be a surreal life. I dreamt that I lived in a cave and was the last woman on earth... and I was responsible for procreating a new world... I was maybe 6. yea. scary.

Life is never boring for me. Thank you UNIVERSE!!! i appreciate that gift. more as it evolves.

Happy weekends!

Hey did you see the post below about my book? yea. Check it OUT!

Unexpected

Things that happened in the last couple of days (and weeks) are unexpected. Surprise, sorrow, accomplishment, anger and joy. I realized I have felt settled into a "mudane" just following the responsibility sort of life. I used to be a huge firelight that was ignited daily by anything I saw in nature. I am the one that has let the fire go out, and coming back from the semi-dead is a difficult wall to climb. I have a son that needs me to be alive. I have a lot left to dish out and accomplish. Can't give in to the "weary" demon any longer.

One more lab test. Then a procedure to schedule. A bunch more pictures to draw... and a new beginning I feel will be coming in the next year. Am I prepared? My dreams tell me there are a few land-mine's that will trip me up. I have to remember to keep paying attention, forgive myself for mistakes, and learn when someone is blowing smoke to gain their own footing. My biggest challenge will be finding a place to have some alone time to CREATE! I have a child and man-child that suck the life energy out of me. I need a closet with white walls, directional lighting, paints, pencil, eraser and paper. And a few tacks.

Tis time for a new beginning.. and my mind and body are preparing for that, in dreams and reality.

OH and please... Order the book. we have 25 more to sell before we can break even on the "costs".

Thank you so much for your support... emotionally and otherwise. peace and gratitude.

A book I drew.

Ok.. I can finally release the long awaited news. I illustrated a book for my friend who lives in Texas. Its finally printed!!!!

Check it out. You won't get to see the interior just yet, but here is the initial website.

Butterflies and Flower Petals


I feel relieved. And excited. And I anticipate a lot of good ideas coming from this initial piece of work. I want to be the next Rob Scotton... Who doesn't love SPLAT?

Wish me luck!

(Mom, when you go to the website, click on items. You can order the book from the link above... Thanks!!! LOVE YOU!)

White People

I was asking my son's daycare provider if he thought it would give my child a complex because I call him "white man".

He said, "It all depends on how you say it."

I said, "Well, when I am asking him to do things, like, Clean your room up white man!"

My son always says, "Hey, my name is A.J."

I say, "Your name may be A.J. but you are still a white man."

The day care provider said, "Well, its not a lie or a slander. I think you are ok."

I still ponder it and have cut back. I guess I think its going to help him when he gets older and people say that, and he can say yea! so?

So, speaking of white people, the race of tweaky humans I claim as my tribe, here is a deliciously humor filled tribute to my breed of inbreeds.

Stuff White People Like...

Enjoy my long lost internet fall er-ers...

Sick...

Sick this weekend, so missed out on trick or treating! I really am despising my physical status lately. (All that will change sooner than I think, so I must prepare.) I do not feel ugly, I feel immobile. Which is even worse.

The happy thought I keep in my head is that I know love and have love in my life. Nothing has ever been perfect nor is it likely to be in the future. I enjoy the moments when it falls together and I can relax for a minute or two. Life is about movement and I need to be able to keep up. The goal is in place.

In the meantime I have some projects to get going that will fruitfully occupy my mind and my time!!! I am still sick, and I am still moving. Hi Ho Silver... AWAY!

Happy Halloween

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Avocado Dreams

In this dream, I was strolling around the yard of the house where I grew up in Kentucky. There were fruit trees covered with ripening fruit everywhere. Limes, oranges, watermelons and even peanuts. (Yea I KNOW watermelons and peanuts don't grow on trees, but this is my dream, so butt out!) I saw 3 or 4 avocado trees and thought, Wow!!! Look at all the avocado's! I can't wait till they are ripe enough to share and enjoy. Then I took out my camera and tried to capture images. It was a hugely abundant dream. Although I remember stopping to look at the peanut tree (ha) and the nuts weren't fully developed, and there were some spider webs on them. Not sure what to make of the peanut tree, maybe brushing the dust off things I thought weren't possible?

Anyway today, I got good news from a friend about a project that we have already completed, its FINALLY at the printers. She also sent me a lovely inspirational email about looking at projects as a dance partnership. And to dance freely and easily, as easily as she and I interact together. And now, this dream has inspired me to get working on our next project. Now if only i have a studio to work in! *NOTEBOOK! where are you?* When she mentioned dancing to me, this song popped into my head. Remember Song of the South Disney Fans? Wow. I am OLD.


Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay
My, oh my, what a wonderful day
Plenty of sunshine headin' my way
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay

Mister Bluebird's on my shoulder
It's the truth, it's actual
Ev'rything is satisfactual
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay
Wonderful feeling, wonderful day, yes sir!

(repeat 3 times)

So I am going to head out to the alpaca ranch tomorrow, and take my camera. Maybe they will have a huge avocado tree! Zip-a-dee-doo-dah... Uncle Remus!

SLACKER & Starshine

Thats me. A slacker. I don't care what you say. Its a badge of consistency and I am sick of it. whew.. I feel purged!

Now on a happier note, I have found a columnist whose writing I adore.

Starshine Roshell, who wrote Keep Your Skirt On, is from my happy little town. Check out her book sometime. I promise you will get a good laugh, feel relieved and enlightened.



Enjoy your weekends!

Ok. A word I use alot.

I realized the other day, when I get to a point of finishing a thought or doing a project I say OK.

My boyfriend said to me the other day, "What now?"

And i responded, "Why are you saying that?"

He said, " You say OK a lot, and usually its because you have finished a thought or a process."

I laughed out loud and gave him a big hug. I said, "Yea. lets..." (I don't even remember what we were talking about or doing at that point).

It sometimes takes others for us to see ourselves, huh?