There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Saturday, December 23

The Fat Man Cometh....

So in just Two Days the merry man in red will visit us! the tree is decorated, the weather is wonderful, and we are trying to "behave". Its going to be so fun to watch my son really appreciate his first christmas!

Merry Christmas all those who follow the Santa tradition, and Happy Holidays to all those who follow others.

May your season be peaceful, inspirational and harmonious as possible. Love is the only gift we truly need. May you be showered with it beyond your saturation levels.

See you in the New Year!

:kiss: :hug:

Saturday, December 16

What a Year!

Okay people. Some of you don't know me very well. Or maybe you do, I am not one to be shy about my business. HA! deal. But I thought that I should do an inventory before the New Year. What has transpired over the last year of my life, and hand out some well deserved thanks to the people who got me here. So the story begins.

As some of you know, November 2005, I set out on the road with a two year old son and moved us to California. I didn't have much in the way of cash, nor did I take many belongings with me. Previous to this journey, Here is the story.

I was involved in a three-four year relationship with a man who has "poor me" syndrom. (I have a feeling at the time I was similarly afflicted.) I found myself pregnant, and realized that was going to be a burden I would solely carry. After working through the stigma of dealing with being pregnant out of wedlock, (therapy for sure. my parents had a very difficult time with it) Thankfully I had found full time employment during this whole ordeal. Unfortunately, I found myself in a job where I was treated and paid poorly. To be sure, I was pretty low. I was feeling depressed, desparate and desolate. But, I am a strong woman, or maybe just mule stubborn, and kept on smiling in the face of the tests. Just as I had decided to turn things around, by moving in with my best friend, I lost my job. I am not entirely innocent in that transaction. It was a blessing in disguise. I could have gone after them, but I was so happy to be out of there. They were/are bouncing paychecks, making shady deals and treating some of their employees awfully. And, they cost me 2200 of my savings investment with them by not paying the premiums to the savings house. You can see how I might have had some subconcious desire to run from that place like it was on fire.

I was at a crossroads. A few weeks before my job loss, a girlfriend of mine was talking about moving back to California. I had joked with her about coming along. She said to me, "You are wasting your talents here! You should quit and come along." The previous two years had lead me to California three times for various events. I attended my sister's wedding, went to a great party in Pasadena, and also a family reunion. During the months after my last visit to California, I had moved in with my friend, liquidating my furniture, and belongings, to save money. And after falling in love with its terrain and weather, I mindlessly thought about it. No real intent in place. But, with this sudden freedom, I thought, why don't I move!? The intent was set in motion. And the universe couldn't have been more compliant.

Here are a few of the details:
I had two cats. What was I going to do about them? Where would I leave them? A friend from work was going to the pound to pick out a couple of cats for her husband and her son. They have a much better home life now than we had.

Where was I going to stay while I found a home? My sister was on her honeymoon in Italy, I got to stay rent free in Napa for a month. Sistah! thanks for having faith in me, and being a most generous auntie. And John, for laughing at us instead of being annoyed.

Where Am I going to spend Thanksgiving? with a new cyber friend Jason. Thanks to him, his BBSOW, and her sweet intelligent family, I had a great meal, and great company! thanks bro!

Where would I stay along the way? I had a friend in LA that let me stay with him a few days. Thanks B. I have a good friend in Santa Barbara! She offered to take me to a few places to look. And to stay with her for a week. You will always be my Santa B. sis Lexi!

What am I going to do until I find an apartment? My uber-cool aunt in Carmel let me crash her guest house for two weeks. Barb... without your generosity, I would have been lost.

So, off I went. Less than 1000 in my pocket. No home. No job. And a two year old. Amazingly, I felt the best I had in a long time.

So I landed in LA. Drove to SB. As soon as I crossed that line, my body relaxed like it hadn't in five years or more. I knew I was at home. I should have found an apartment that day! But instead I took some freelance work, and traveled the state a little. Finally got a paycheck from an old freelance job owed me for about a year. And with the help of my most generous benefactor, My wonderful Father, I am here. Moved in on Dec. 16th, to apartment #16, and the third 16 to that equation? My sons birthday is a 16. It cinched the deal for my soul and my concious. I knew we were fated to be here. The first six months were more stressful than pregnancy. Not working, living hand to mouth, pacing the streets looking for any kind of work that would allow us to stay. I was rewarded six months later with a permanent job with the company my father works with. That day I had two other job offers as well, including an interview for a job paying just a bit less than I am making!

Its far from over, but without these special people, including my son, well, I don't like to think about where we would be. Fate has lead me to this moment. I took all its hints and offerings hitching the Nissan to a star! We landed in paradise.

More to come about the six months and the happenings that followed. But for now, even living in a tiny apartment in California, we are happy, blissful, and moving forward with creating a new life. Deep sigh of content.

Tuesday, December 12


so... I am standing under the mistletoe,
Its kissin time!
:smack: :mwah: :smOOOOOch:

Merry Merry Holidays Everybody!

Monday, December 11

Sorry Readers

My wittle G5 is BUSTED! I have been having issues with it for some time, finally took it in. Now I am waiting on a part from apple. Seems that "apple" doesn't notify the repair centers if the part is going to be on back order or not. So, I am computerless at home! I have considered getting a small PC laptop just so I can do my blogging/chatting/email etc. But... I have also considered it may be time to invest in a PDA instead!

So... Do not get discouraged, I will catch up with you when I get a chance. More than likely over Christmas break you all will get a total influx of comments from me. But for now, Work is SWAMPED! and I don't have time to blog and catch up. DAGUMMIT!

Merry Holiday Festivus! May The Supreme Being Bless Us Everyone!

Friday, December 8


So I have always been un-cool. And, it's a safe bet that I will continue to be un-cool for the rest of my days. I have a talent to draw unwanted attention to my silly demeanor. In addition to that, I laugh at just about everything. Yes, even in tragedy.

Its just not in my nature to make graceful entrances or exits in this lifetime. I have fallen off many barstools, before imbibing. I have laughed out loud when the soloist finishes and all are completely silent. I am the girl, who at the company Christmas party (btw: At the time, I was working for a major high dollar, high fashion retailer), was decked out in a black velvet dress I had someone make for me, expensive costume jewelry and my best heels. As I was walking to the "powder room", I slipped on the carpet. Of course it was at high traffic time. Lo and beholding to many unsuspecting party guests, my skirt flew up over her head! I was sans-panties for this function as well. Of course, that is when I started drinking heavily... Ha! And that is just one example of my many triumphs.

Its just those kinds of events that plague me. The ones you can never outrun. The ones that will be gossiped about for weeks. And now that I am a mom, I have a little one that I can train in the fine art of enjoying your own un-coolness.

So, if you ever see a woman on the streets of Santa Barbara making an ass of herself without even trying, more than likely its me. I figure, I am going to look like an idiot anyway, I might as well make the most of it. So enjoy the show, because I have NO shame when it comes to enjoying life as the un-cool chick.

We don't need no stinkin woopie cushions. ;-)

Thursday, December 7

Daily Affirmations

Okay, do you remember Stuart Smalley? Hilarious stuff. I think Al Franken is hilarious!

I had a chance to catch "Stewart Saves His Family" the other morning on cable. And it took me back to reading his book, and seeing that movie. I personally have not been involved in a twelve step program, not that I don't need it mind you. But have done plenty of self help work. And it has changed my perception of my childhood, and my life. I am a better person for it, believe me!

Refreshing to remind myself to put the FUN back in dysfunction this holiday season! Ho HO HO!!!!!

Tuesday, December 5

Child Care

Okay people who think you got it soooo difficult... I got some not so great news today. Thankfully its not life threatening or terminal, just inconvenient. On top of what I am already dealing with, I got a call from the state assistance office that is suplementing my daycare costs saying, "You make TOO much money, so you have to pay full time daycare costs. We are cutting you off!" Now this is a very big chunk of change, for those of you parents that know my pain, you understand this scary thought. Especially you CA residents. Daycare costs can cost you as much as the mortgage on your house, or rent for your apartment. And that is not for a school, or a high up daycare, that is for moderate well kept daycare.

I am Not going to be able to get child support, as I hear that the boy's daddy is very very ill. And I have not heard from him since the baby was born. My son's "other grandmother" has not contacted me in over a year. Besides, she is NOT responsible for her son's responsibilities.

How do people manage this? I mean I am not even sure that I shouldn't quit the job I love so much to make less money to save money. Does that make any sense at all? NOOOOO. Maybe I should ask AHHHNOLD for the money.

I am about to go crawl into a corner and just start humming and drooling until the holidays are over. Try not to miss me too much.

blech. I hate self pity! No worries. I will get by. Even if it means putting the kid out on the street in costume and making him preform a scene from the Christmas Carol all weekend long...

Fudge & T-shirts

I am sorry for the lack of content here today. But seeing as I am a single mom, and down to my last few shopping days before Christmas, I need some suggestions!

Does ANYONE know of a cool T-shirt site? Dad and Bro are hard to shop for. I have tried Cafe Xpress. Any others you recommend?

And I am going to make some fudge for the locals, Since I don't eat the stuff, it's easy to make and give away!

Here is a recipe for you all!

4 1/4 c. sugar
1 lg. can evaporated milk

Boil slowly 10 minutes, stir constantly (count time) remove from heat and add 1/2 lb. butter and 3 pkgs. chocolate chips. When they start to melt add 1 (8 oz.) pkg. marshmallow cream and 2 tsp. vanilla and 2 cups nut meats (pecan and black walnuts). Pour into buttered 9x13 inch pan. Cut when cool. Keep refrigerated.

yea. no fat in that recipe, nor refined sugars... YUMMY!!!!! Keeping the caloric intake at a respectable HIGH! after all. its the Holiday's!

Aw Honey.... Sugar Sugar.... You are my candy Boy and you got me wanting you....


remember to play the seduction game below... I am curious...

Monday, December 4

The Visionary cuz Pissy asked

Gumbo Monday ~ Sans the Okra

A pot full of thought, and some random sarcasm to blend. no okra!

• I can't want it OR I can't like it. That is the phrase my son uses when he doesn't want to eat something. Or do something. Sounds about right to me.

• THIS IS FOR THE WOMEN, MEN BYPASS IT! ~ PEEERIODS!!!!!!!!! sheesh. Can you believe that Friday I used 4 overnight pads in four hours and was still standing? And I was not being a bitch at all? I challenge ANY man to this test.

• I HATE HATE HATE football! Did I mention how much I can't like it? well that's kind of a strong statement, but I would rather shave my nether region than watch it all day on Sunday, or Monday night! And, I still have a hard time sitting through the Super-Bowl. The season is too long, and its only four months! (maybe a left over feeeling from marching band days)

• Is it wrong to lie? yea. Seriously wrong. So why am I so tempted to do it so often!?

• How come I can't work 20 hours a week for the same amount of money they pay me to do 40? I already do all the work in 20 hours anyway! I am baffled at this concept. sighs. I need a home office.

• I HATE HATE HATE stupid drivers! I mean, its Monday, and I am not on top of things yet, but... seriously, maybe people should be required to refresh thier drivers liscence more than once every 10 years.

• Parenting is a B*tch! Discipline sucks. but the little buggers are sooo cute! and i think there is a reason for that.

• Most days I think about just making myself numb. I don't want to get out of bed, or see what is outside my apartment. But I do. I think its minor depression, the holidays do that to me.

• Someone hit my car, and drove away. Now my car is in the shop, and I have a rental. Funny how the person whose fault the wreck is, doesnt really have to do to much but agree when the insurance agent calls them to find out if it is thier fault. But no one was hurt, and my car gets a new bumper, and lights for christmas!

• Why does it seem that everything breaks down about the time Christmas rolls around? My car, my computer, my life... its a big mess right now. Not a horrible unrecoverable mess, but its not smooth. Ah. guess its always that way, but the Holidays seem to add a dose of "did i finish all my shopping" to it. And I am not looking forward to defending myself for two weeks while i visit my family. As much as I try to remain neutral, and not take things they say to me personally, after a week of it, i want to scream at someone! loudly and without censure. This time, I am going to take the baby on walks. Lots and Lots of walks.

• Sighs. So, when someone tells you that they love you, does that mean they do? Or does that mean they want to, and can only love in thier own way? Or... hell, what does love mean? I am tired of looking for that answer. I hope it finds me, cuz I am DONE looking. DONE!

If that isn't enough for you on a Monday, you got to get a life! kidding. Thanks for listening.I will be back tomorrow all sparkly and sunshiney again!

And thanks for the music suggestions. I am going to start making my list and filling it. Happy Maundays.

Thursday, November 30

Time to pick up my guitar.

I miss listening to my fav station at work. If you haven't ever listened to RadioParadise, click the link on my sidebar. Great stuff. I can't even access the website to see the playlist. This really sucks. Truly. Its one of my lifelines, music is.

For now I have to listen to my I-Tunes. And I hate to keep listening to the same things over and over again! IE: I need new music suggestions! Currently in my changer is Steve Earl, Government Mule, Patty Griffin, new Bob Dylan, Nada Surf, Drive By Truckers, Sufjan Stephens, Black Keys, Old 97's (and more)... But I get bored easily, suggestions. I desire some new music. I am a voracious music person! And when I am going through a phase, music helps me through it. Something I haven't heard. Even if its local to you, give me the info! I like everything but rap. Oh and this NEW R&B... Give me old R&B everyday!

Thanks in advance for sharing your discoveries. Sighs. Expect some poetry this month, or song lyrics. :wink:

Wednesday, November 29

Satsuma Tangerine

Some days I wonder if I didn't grow up under a rock. I snuck a couple in my purse as I left my cousins house. They are a treat! Have you tried these little gems, the Satsuma?

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm sweet. And the skin on the sections is not as thick as oranges. My taste buds are happy today! I am not much of a tangerine eater, but these zipper skined orbs are just right for snacking.

Treat yourself to a basket. They make a great center piece, and you can eat them too! I am sure Martha has a recipe stashed somewhere for Satsuma Marmalade...

*wanders off to plan her next cooking adventure...*

Tuesday, November 28


So, I am a little blue today. Just because I thought something was one way, but it turns out it is another. So... give me a minute to pep up a little, regroup, and establish a proper footing to hike through the bullshit I have surrounded myself with.

I hate being stupid, gullable and idealistic. It attracts the selfish and self centered. Maybe mine is a standard I shouldn't place on others.

okay, melanie, GET OVER IT!

Monday, November 27

After Holiday Blues...

Its so hard to come back to work after a holiday weekend, isn't it!? I had a great Thanksgiving! I hope you all did too! So I am thankful for cousins that live in the canyons of malibu, and drive a porsche around those hills. Sighs. Its tough to come back to the semi-existant life after you see the rich at play! :lol:

Anyway... a short list of what I have to be thankful for.

• my kid ~ that repeats one sound over and over again until my aunt, who can't hear much anyway, says to him, if you say that one more time, I am going to come over there. (I said to her later, I was just letting him continue, cuz i wanted to see the old lady take down a three year old)

• my family ~ my cousin and his really cool wife have a great place up in the canyons of malibu, and are great hosts! Now that I have invaded once, I will invade again soon.

• my courage ~ to take my next to no money a** on a giant leap of faith moving to California in the first place! this month is the anniversary of my brass ball adventure! Yea me! (plus the courage it takes to be a single mom, and not kill yourself!)

• good health ~ for my family, and my friends! We are having a fairly good year on that count.

• my parents ~ without them, I would not be possible! nor would the grandson, or my brother or sister, or lots of great things they have provided.

• work ~ I like working, even when its a shitty job. Don't get me wrong there are days when I would rather be cleaning up the apartment, or sleeping rahter than sitting at this desk, but I am THANKFUL to have employment and great employment at that.

• this blog ~ gives me a community of fellow souls that have great imaginations, hearty senses of humor, and colorful insights. thanks for letting me share your lives.

And i would write a bluesy tune to go with the title, but I have a self evaluation to do for my job review... YIKES!

happy blissful after the holiday monday's to all that pass here. we can MAKE IT!

Wednesday, November 22

Baking for Malibu

The baking is done! Last night was "baking for Thanksgiving" night! I am off to the relatives casa in Malibu. I made Chocolate Pecan Pie that turned out beautifully. Pumpkin Bread, with golden raisins, dried cherries and almonds. Also, a Jeff Davis pie, which is actually a chess pie. Not sure about the pumpkin bread. Ended up making two loaves. For some reason it didn't cook just right. But tastes good anyway!

Now all I need is a turkey feast, and some vino! I am ready for the day, aren't You? Happy Thanksgiving all!

Tuesday, November 21


While living in Texas I only saw daddy long legged spiders. There were not many spiders in the house. But here in So Cal? Everywhere I turn I see another spider! Just so I can identify them, I am considering purchasing a Field Guide to Spiders. Or do some online research, Spiders of California. And here are some interesting links with photos... arachnid lovers!

I am not phobic about them. They don't really bother me too much except when I lay down to sleep, and start thinking. I think... the spiders may crawl up the comforter, you know, cuz the bed is so warm and cozy... EEEEEEKK. This type of thinking doesn't make for restful sleep. Oh well.

Can't you just feel it staring at you? saying... well, nothing! just waiting. and waiting. and waiting.

Monday, November 20

Time for Turkey!

So, I am not going to do a big "I am thankful" entry until Thursday. Tough it out, folkes. But I do have to be thankful for one thing. Thank you religious zealot puritans, er I mean Pilgrims, that were evicted, er um decided to go from England to the colonies. Thank you for finally becoming cozy with the natives, and sitting down for a feast! Because now, we have a short week, and a long weekend to relax, and imbibe.

Are your menus ready? And your pies cooked? And what about the bird? (I am not a vegetarian. I tried it, but... no offense my veggie eating comrades, I like meat. And we all have a purpose on this sphere.)

Okay, off to finish this 2 + 1/2 day work week! Have safe journey's, charge up your batteries on your camera, ready your pie crusts, and chill the vino! its CHOW TIME!

gobble gobble...

Friday, November 17

The bees have it. the birds have it.

This poem was written for someone I thought was my friend. There was great poetry written during this time of my life. Check out dreamers kiss, if you like poetry. For some reason, in times of extreme, I have these poems that just fester, appearing to me in dreams. Coming to me in voices that seem to be outside of my body. In waves. All I have to do is get out the Thesauras and replace a few redundancies. And I am thankful.

This poem describes, to me, how chemistry is so important in a relationship. It flips on the glow light of your soul. It also presents a pure blissful agony associated with the beginning of a relationship. The seperation that pierces the balloon.

sighs. my friend, he is no longer in my life. as life goes on, so have we both. *goes to the yellow pages looking for a muse*.

Lets all have a weekend getting to know someone better. mmmmmmmeow!

The bees have it. the birds have it.

the body follows the scent of you
its longing takes its own directions
looking as it has not eaten for years
never been filled to satisfaction

i feel your body beside me in a dream
the warmth of its fur and energy
not moving towards me but with me.
learning its curves slowly with purpose.

i don't know if that dream will come
to my doorstep or in my window.
or if it will always remain outside
looking up as a lover in despair.

but like a fool i will chance its time
keep my candle burning in the window
calling your spirit to join me here
in a dance that has already bound us

i want to melt into you, feel that heat
intent on your turns and troubles
wanting to aleviate your concerns
make you smile for an hour or so.

and let you show me there is hope
for anything beautiful to be alive
inside each others souls for now
winding ourselves tighter in that net.

memsahib © 2005

Thursday, November 16

This Job Rocks!

I don't even know if that phrase is still a valid, "cool" statement or not. But, it describes how I feel about my job. The people are amazing; Intelligent, witty, easy to get along with, free thinking, creators, from England, Germany, California, Texas, all over the place! The company makes Endoscopy equipment, light sources for the telescopes, and video recording/capturing of the procedures. I am not going to elaborate much more than that, for fear of losing you. This site explains the vet applications using our equipment.

We had our company meeting yesterday. Our company meetings are not slump in your chair, and drool trying to stay awake time. I was entertained! And rewarded.

First was the slide show with photoshop altered images of employees by my co-worker. heh! Then of course the business end, how the business was doing, with a few jokes thrown in! Amazing minds here.

Then, the founder of our division of the company talked to us about the new technologies the engineers were developing. It was amazing to watch (if you are a geek like me). Following that, one of the engineering departments did a skit showing the equipment in use, with a doctor (dr. hurts), a patient (that they actually did a pretend shaving on) and silent interns. And instead of a sedative IV it was a keg can of heinekin! heh!

The best news of all from the meeting? We are off for the Christmas Holidays! Two weeks! DaGUMMMMM!!!!!!!! I was tap dancing all the way to the car! (I had already planned on taking it off, but now, its paid for! righteous.)

This job is in the top five of things to be thankful for! Can I get an amen from the bobble heads? (I love that line).

Homeschoolers Meme

I have no half naked shots of me. You will have to wait on that mystery meat. And since I am on a Carb High from the Thursday pastry give away here at the job place, I had enough energy to copy a meme from Lael. I will try to get back to some serious posts by next week.

1. First name? Melanie (memsahib)
2. Were you named after anyone? Miss Mellie, from Gone with the Wind. I don't think I will ever live up to that shrine. Besides, Melanie is a greek name meaning black! Take that Shaniqua!
3. When did you last cry? I watched a strange film on TV last night, and cried when the little girl lost her baby.
4. Do you like your handwriting? its artistic, and illegible. yea. suits me.
5. What is your favourite luncheon meat? HA! cheese.
6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Yea. But i don't like the sound of my voice, it sounds kinda whiny outside me.
7. Do you keep a journal? Used to. Now I blog.
8. Do you still have your tonsils? No Way. Had them out when i was five.
9. Would you bungee jump? Only if a Gun was pointed at my head.
10. What is your favourite cereal? Cream of Wheat
11. Do you untie your shoes before you take them off? No. Not gonna do it!
12. Do you think you are strong? As in heavy lifting? yea. As in emotionally? Double hell yea.
13. What is your favourite ice cream flavour? Like I would have to pick. Depends on the day. You can never go wrong with vanilla, though. or coffee.
14. Shoe size? when i was young, it was an 8, now its a 9.
15. Red or Pink? In Winter, red, in Spring and summer and fall, pink
16. What is your least favourite thing about yourself? I snore. I cuss. I laugh too much.
17. Who do you miss the most? My maid, no wait. i never had a maid! I would have to say myself. I seem to be missing.
18. Do you want everyone to send this back to you? no.
19. What colour pants, shirt, shoes are you wearing now?Dark jeans, Black T-shirt, my harley clogs, and purple undies and my red courderoy jacket...
20. Last thing you ate? carrot muffin
21. What are you listening to right now? Nada Surf
22. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Purple.
23. Favourite smells? Popcorn at the movie theater, Orange blossoms, lavender, and clean sheets.
24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My cool sistah!
25. First thing you notice about someone you are attracted to? Eyes. and thier smile.
26. Do you like the person you stole this from? stole? i think i would like her if i met her.
27. Favourite drink? Bourbon and sprite... and Water.
28. Favourite sport? today? Baseball
29. Eye colour? Blue
30. Hat size? not sure. dont like hats much
31. Do you wear contacts? Have them, mostly glasses
32. Favourite food? Cheese. (okay italian)
33. Scarey movies or happy endings? Happy endings
35. Summer or Winter? Spring
36. Hugs or Kisses? Same sex? Hugs. Opposite Sex? If your teeth are clean, kisses.
37. Favourite dessert? creme brulee
38. Who is the most likely to respond? Dont care
39. Who is the least likely to respond? See answer above.
40. What books are you reading? Nothing, just finished Shadowman. scary...
41. What's on your mousepad? Dont Use One.
42. What did you watch on telly last night? Deal or No Deal. then Medium!
43. Favourite sounds? Music, Ocean waves, children's laughter, the bowling alley, birds, and oh... silence.
44. Stones or Beatles? Beatles
45. The furthest you've been from home? England
46. What is your special talent? I am artistic, have a psychic intuition, and i can make people laugh

Okay. thanks for reading this through. If you are bored, or don't have time for a real entry, i invite you to share.

Wednesday, November 15

Colin F.

I am not the kind of person to be fasinated by celebrities. Nor do i find them particularly attractive because of their work/status. When I encounter them in real life, its more like, would they have anything truly interesting to say about something but themselves? In fact, all through my teenage years, I have been attracted to unusual famous people. I admittedly had a huge crush on Billy Preston in high school, along with Dan Fogelburg. And Riff Raff from Rocky Horror Picture show, because of course it was Tim Rice. (I am an extremist.) I also have a strange attraction to Tim Roth. And of course, Noel Gallagher.

The last couple of years, there is something about this man that attracts my senses. I fear he is a horrible kisser though. I try not to think about that as it would shatter my romantic illusions. Feel like revealing your own!? Do TELL!

oh and I do have an un-natural attraction to Mr. J. Depp, but that is another day. This is Colin's. HA!

Tuesday, November 14

Spell It

I am so busy at work today that I have to leave you with something else to do.

Word Shoot Out

is kinda fun! and it sharpens your typing skills. HA!

anyone got some mind numbing games they would like to share?

Monday, November 13


How can someone love me when I don't love myself? How? What makes up that kind of relationship? Not good... I am thinking, that is not good.

Friday, November 10

Deal or no Deal?

So... Howie and 26 models dressed in halter dresses. And one MILLION dollars on the line. Three nights a week. Doesn't Howie look kinda cute all shaved and a little soul patch?

Are you watching this show? If you aren't , don't start. that's all I am gonna say about it!

:whispers: can't wait to see what the gamblin woman from Iowa is going to do on Monday. HA!

Thursday, November 9

The Poop

So, many of you readers know I have a son. He is three. He is NOT potty trained yet. Will NOT use the "potty". He is TERRIFIED of his own bowel movements! When he does have a movement, will hide in a quiet spot while his face gets red... and he does the typical sounds. I ask him, are you pooping? He says no as he grunts. And then happy bouncy boy when its passed! This movement is a powerful force in nature. Powerful.

Last night he got into his nice warm bubble bath, totally relaxed, and into the tub it went. He was beside himself! "Poop in the tub" he starts screaming and crying, practically mames the little german soldier to get out of the tub. It was all I could do to not laugh out loud at him. Instead I used calming gentle words, let him stand next to me and watch as I emptied the tub, and removed the aggressor log! Then I sat him on the potty explained why people use the potty, and that is where everyone's poop goes.

I am not interested in forcing him to "do it" on the toilet. I mean who needs therapy over a bowel movement. Its going to have to be a gradual process. But hell, does anyone have tips? I don't want him to have candy as a reward. A friend suggested cookies. I think that is a good idea. My thoughts are bribery is the only answer. He seems to take to that. And it may balance out his irrational thoughts of the demon "poop".

You know its an important step in life to be able to flush your poop away. And I am ready to get him to the "next level". Pampers has enough of my hard earned cash!

Tuesday, November 7

Wednesday Will

So it's hump day, and I am behind schedule for almost everything. I don't have time to make a long and exciting verbalization of my tedious existance, so I thought this would be a good opportunity to lay down some laughter!

Okay. I don't particularly like Will Ferrell, but somethings he does are actually quite freakin hilarious! The Phantom of the Opera is one of them. BTW did Adam Sandler start someting so long ago when he was Opera man?

The other is Commander and Chief of the World... giggles. "Growing out my Soul Patch" that totally cracks me up! We need nature to cooperate with us... Ha!

Enjoy the show. Everyone needs a laugh now and zen... :wink:


It's the right of almost every man and woman over the age of 18 to vote. A privelege. Do you understand how powerful it CAN be? I have a friend that told me once, my vote won't count, so I don't vote. I think that is an ignorant statement. And, even though I don't have very much faith in our current system of voting, that is not going to stop me from trying. After watching a short documentary film on HBO the other night called Hacking Democracy, I have serious doubts about the voting machines. But what else do we have?

I was reading over my sample ballet this morning. Since this will be my first time to vote in California, I wanted to familiarize myself with the "lay of the land" (Actually I have been reading the general election book a bit too... GEEK!) As I was looking at this, I thought, since I don't know anything about some of these candidates, would I vote for them by name or career choices? I feel like I am at the Race Track, trying to pick a winner by description on a page only!

Anyway, Here are the Candidates for Govenor:
Phil Angelides ~ Treasurer of State of CA ~ Democrat
Arnold Schwartzenegger ~ Gov ~ Republican
Art Oliver ~ Engineer ~ Libertarian
Janice Jordan ~ Counselor ~ Peace & Freedom
Peter Miguel Camejo ~ Financial Advister ~ Green
Edward C. Noonan ~ Computer Shop Owner ~ American Independant

hm... I am inclined to vote for the Comp. Shop Owner here... But I do like the sound of Art Oliver... Nice name!

And even more interesting, the Lieutentant Governer Candidates:
Lynette Shaw ~ Caregiver/Musician ~ Libertarian
Jim King ~ Real Estate Broker ~ American Independant
Jon Garamendi ~ CA State Insurance Commissioner
Tom McClintock ~ CA State Senator ~ Republican
Donna J. Warren ~ Financial Manager/Author ~ Green
Stewart A. Aleander ~ Automobile Sales Consultant ~ Peace & Freedom

and on this list? I would be inclined to vote Libertarian or Green party. (I wish more people would steer away from the two main political groups, but have a feeling that is a long time coming. Maybe my son's generation.)

Oh, get this. In California, there is a proposition up for Vote, Prop. 86, to raise the taxes on cigarettes by $2.40 a pack! $2.40 YIKES! Do they not understand that the rich aren't big smokers? And that by raising the taxes on cigarettes all they are doing is promoting crime!? That tax money isn't going to help the non-sm0kers anymore than it might help control smoking in young people. Yea, you should read the propoganda on that one.

Sighs. In a perfect world, there would be no need for governing of the people. In MY perfect world, we would all respect each other as being different, and yet the same. And treat each other with kindness and dignity. Give when we can, take when it is offered. We are all cut from the same stuff, no matter what our life experience. We all need healthy food, clean water for drinking, and clean air in our lungs. Having those things shouldn't be better for some and worse for others. But that is MY idealistic dream.

Get out there and vote people. I could use so much propaganda here ie: "Many a good men died so you could have that privelage." Or, "If you don't vote, you have no one but yourself to blame when things are not as you like them." But that's below my fine readers! Sharpen your pencils/computer skills, and Just Vote! You know you want to... ;-)

edit: added note: back from voting, and this was on my ballot as a city issue.
Shall the city of SB adopt an ordinance mandating that the SB Police give State and Federal marijuana laws the lowest law enforcement priority possible?

like i had to think about that one more than one second... giggles.

Monday, November 6


So Citizen has placed the definition of meh on his site. I think it describes exactly how i feel on Mondays.

I used to like them as a child! Sound crazy? Going to school meant getting out of the house, and hanging out with my friends. And the library! sighs. The library. I don't go there enough. I have recently started reading novels again. Its been a few years actually since I did much reading.

Here is the one I just finished, that my daycare provider lent to me. Shadowman. A real eerie pageturner mystery. Watch for this guy. And now that I live in California, I can relate to the location references. Cool.

Now that I am done, I want to find a new one! Whats everyone reading?

Friday, November 3

Living with Ghosts

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.
Maya Angelou

Today this phrase/title, Living with Ghosts, came to me as i sat down to work. I am reflecting on a late night conversation. One I am not sure that I made myself clear enough in. One of the resons is I find myself living my life in the past, past experiences and past choices that reflect in a tired single mom's speech when she can't possibly have one more conversation that reflects her intelligence. Each day is an opportunity to pull myself out of that wreckage by choices. Choices in each moment. Like continuing to breath... yea that is a choice I have to make some days. The older we get, the more the floor is covered with the past, and the more I have to scuffle through the scraps of memontos and place it in the right files... making sure to pick up all the little post its, moments of sorrow, organizing it so I dont have to come back to it AGAIN! Some days, I just dont want to look at it. Those are the days I retreat into someone elses words to find comfort. (can i tell you how much i miss painting! my therapy is on hiatus. Not for long).

The album Living with Ghosts is fabulous. If you like Patty Griffin, or even if you don't, pick up a copy of this one. The lyrics are amazing. The songs on here to me seem transitionally based. Some people may find her to be a bit depressing. I find that listening to the insights of someone who so eloquently puts pain into small digestable rivers of vision feeds my own transitional fears and soothes the doubts in a comforting process. You know, like music always does? Do you love Patty or what?

It's funny how a morning turns a love to shame
Disguised and disfigured and you thought I tasted like rain
There`s nothing here but a shadow nothin here
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
There's nothin here but the shadow, and now you know

I spit, I spit in the eye
I tear, I tear out my heart
and I scatter the bits
I stay unseen by the light
I stay untold by the truth
I'm sold by a lie
By this I am able in all of my travels
To make these memories quit
But tonight I clearly recall every little bit

I can chew like a cannibal
I can yell like a cat
I even had you believing that I really really like it like that
But there was never a moment
Not a moment
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
You ever got within a hundred million miles of my soul

I spit, I spit in the eye
I tear, I tear out my heart
And I scatter the bits
I stay unseen by the light
I stay untold by the truth
I'm sold by a lie
By this I am able in all of my travels
To make these memories quit
But tonight I clearly recall every little bit

You left open the window till the morning
And the winter walked in
Reality fired her wooden bullet
Splintered under our skin
They say I'm walking on freedom
This is freedom
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
I still don't blame you for leaving,baby
It's cold living with ghosts

I spit, I spit in the eye
I tear, I tear out my heart
and I scatter the bits
I stay unseen by the light
I stay untold by the truth
I'm sold by a lie
By this I am able in all of my travels
To make these memories quit
But tonight I clearly recall every little bit

Every Little Bit ~ Patty Griffin

Deep cleansing breaths... I need to go and do some watercolors. You all have a pleasant weekend, make memories that don't have to be swept up and organized. Memories that hang on the wall. Beautiful pictures to look at in your golden years. Life is too short to be a janitor in your own body all the time. Keep it simple and enjoy!


Thursday, November 2

Way up in the Sky...

Number One Son today says, "Look at all o de aeropwanes." (reminded me of that Pink Floyd song) So i commenced to make up an airplane song...

Way up in the sky,
the airplanes fly
they go here and there
they go everywhere,

They take you to rome
they take you back home
they take you to see
Grandpa and G-Mommeee...

Oh how i wish I
could go up in the sky
and ride far away
in an airoplane!!!!!!

yea. stupid huh?and he didn't want to hear it a second time! giggles.

oh to be as rich as that P.Hilton girl, so i could be wandering around with the sprout right now! First stop... New Zealand. yea.

Wednesday, November 1

His First Time

Trick or treating. A.J. aka Mickey Mouse, had never had on a costume before, (mommy thinks infants in costumes are okay for other peoples kids, but not hers) never went out after dark and asked for candy! It was fun.

We started when it was light out at the mall. That was a breeze, then stopped for a hamburger, then we were on to a friends house for the real deal! After it got dark we started wandering the streets. We saw witches, spider webs, and ghosts! OOOOOOOOOOO spooky i would say... and he would say, yea! By the end of our three street journey he was saying Trick or Treat with Gusto! Then, the phrase "more houses mommy", and finally "ooo more spooky, look at that spooky!" sighs. Three year olds ROCK!

Yea, and best of all outside of the absolute cuteness that shown through him all night? We raked in on the sugary stuff! More reeses than anything else! (and mickey doesn't like them! giggles). This morning the says, more trick or treat tonight mommy! I had to enjoy the pureness of that moment. Wouldnt we like doing that? Dressing up and asking for candy, and seeing spooky things for just one more day?

There was only one problem we had last night. While walking past a group of young teenagers, 13 or 14 years old, this boy was cussing at a young girl! I mean saying i am the f'ing f'er of f'ing every f'ing thing... etc. I looked at him and said "HEY! Chill it man!" His friends used it as a much needed chance to tell him what they thought about his language. As I walked away I could hear them telling him about how much lack of respect he had, even for little kids, and how pathetic it was.

What has happened to kids? Are they not allowed to be kids long enough anymore? I think they are forced into this grown up phase tooo quickly. Oh well. I have to worry about one for sure, then hopefully he will influence the rest as well as he can.

For now anyway. Maybe ... just maybe. If my idea gets off the ground and rolling....

pictures to come... ;-)

Tuesday, October 31

The Raven ~ Spooky...

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow will he leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

by Edgar Allen Poe


Watch out for the kids, and have fun!

Monday, October 30

Time for a Cool Change

Don't you love this time change? Oh I know... its going to be dark early, but... that extra sleep did wonders for my attitude!

So Monday thoughts? I am already behind this week! :eyeroll: And will be doing the Halloween thing today, and tomorrow. Fun, but time consuming, oh. and every article of clothing I can wear right now is dirty! And junior has no clean PJ's. There is no washer and dryer at the Camp Memsahib, so it's laundromat time.

And I have to say, I love my friend Wilene. She always gives me the best advice. She will always be a part of my life. Always. The fact that she still answers my calls when she knows it's going to be a lengthy introsepective conversation is proof enough she is a FINE friend!

Oh, and I saw a school of Dolphins yesterday afternoon. I don't spend enough time down by the ocean. Nope.

Pleasent Mondays to all. Are we ready to be SPOOOOOKY?

Friday, October 27

Carving the Gourd

Pumpkin Carving Time!!! YIPPEEE!! I love it. Don't you? Time to introduce junior to the scary gourd-iness... and I am always looking for good ideas.

Bumpkin Pumpkins has some ideas, previous years galleries. Pumpkin Gutter has better galleries. . Masterpiece Pumpkins has patterns too. Check them out. I found a few character patterns, even a Mickey... think he would like that?

Anyway, Can't wait to get mine done... going to buy a couple more today, so.... get out your knives and CARVE THE GOURD!!! then send pix to me! Halloween is great! Happy Carving.

Enjoy your weekends all. I am sure there are going to be Haunted Houses, Hayrides, Trick or Treating... Be SAFE! and have a big time...

oh Halloween Humor... How do you scare a bee? Boo BEE!!!!!

Thursday, October 26

Why? Because we Like YOU!

So, he has been saying Pirate this and Pirate that. We go to the costume store to pick out a pirate costume, and he wants this one!

M ~ I ~ C ~ See ya real soon

K ~ E ~ Y ~ Why? Because we Like you!

M ~ O ~ U ~ S ~ E

Trick or Treat, Here we come!

Songs from the Past

She said I know what it's like to be dead
I know what it is to be sad
And she's making me feel like I've never been born

I said who put all the things in your head
Things that make me feel that I'm mad
And you're making me feel like I've never been born

She said you don't understand what I said
I said no, no, no you're wrong
When I was a boy, everything was right
Everything was right

I said even though you know what you know
I know that I'm ready to leave
'Cause you're making me feel like I've never been born

She said you don't understand what I said
I said no, no, no you're wrong
When I was a boy, everything was right
Everything was right

She said
I know what it's like to be dead
I know what it is to be sad
I know that it's like to be dead

She Said, She Said - The Beatles
(and many others)

So i was listening to a collection of Government Mule songs this morning when a version of this song came up in the que. It made me feel kind of sad, and I haven't quite figured out why right now. Is it time for me to leave? End something? Begin something? Is it a flashback!?

Maybe I am just missing the Beatles era... Music was so different then. People created it for different reasons. Lives were in transition of freedom then.... Hell, I don't know. And last night when we went to the Pizza Parlor, and they were playing Billy Preston, Sly, Melanie, Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye and those great songs from the late sixties and early seventie's... Guess I am wanning nostalgic today.

dust off your vinyl. time to remember the old days... YIKES!!!!! (never wanted to hear those words come out of my mouth!)

Nuthin from Nuthin leaves nuthin... :wink:

Wednesday, October 25

Random Me

I bought a Magic Eight Ball to put on my desk at work! Now all the mysteries of the world can be solved by the shiny black orb.

I love sunflower seeds on salad... LOVE THEM!!!!! sighs. yummy sunflower goodness on my rabbit food. Its heaven.

I killed a seagull this morning. I think it was a suicide attempt. The garbage he was eating in the middle of the road at a major intersection was tainted, and instead of a slow painful death, he flew up under my car... I heard him crunch. I couldn't avoid it because there were many vehicles. Surprisingly, I am not as torn up about this as I thought I would be. Thankfully he didn't suffer.

I need more creative people in my life. On a daily basis! Missing my friend Kat. yea she is seriously creative! I miss that random thought process and sharing of ideas. Bouncing theories off each other, and laughing till your sides ache. yea. miss that. also my work misses that. I have stagnated, or feel like I have. that bites major tofu weinies.

Southern California has the BEST weather I have ever lived in. Its FREAKIN heaven! The shit of it is you have to work so hard to afford to live here, you dont get to enjoy it nearly as much as you should. catch 22 in action.

What did I ever do before instant messaging? sighs. Daily therapy with friends is a good thing. And not to mention blogs :wink: can I get an amen from the congregation?

Trader Joes... sing it with me... Trader Joes! A treasure chest offering the unusual at moderate to low prices. I love that place. How did i possibly live without it up till now? They dont have them in Texas. I think that says a lot about Texas... don't you? (and no, whole foods doesn't compare - but i do love whole foods as well...)

I need some Peace and Quiet. no kid whining, no TV blaring, no neighbors rockin the brass bed... no hummingbirds fighting in the courtyard (look for a blog on that one this weekend) no body waking me up... just few days of peace and quiet. is that too much to ask? soon. very soon.

I like my coworker. He is an ADD freak like myself. We seem to get along fine! I dont understand californians, but I sure like them. Different and yet the same.

I cry at sappy movies, and sappy commercials. Sue me! I have feelings and I let them show. Its not a sign of weakness, its a sign that my heart is still inside my body intact. Not smooshed, and out of service. So don't sit next to me at a sappy love story if you are going to be embarrased. Consider that your warning.

Okay, Process that for now. More thoughts as the come to me. Hope your brain is filled with random flavors of your own sort. Mine seem kinda... HOoooo Hum.... but thats just me. :giggles:

Tuesday, October 24

mommies discipline

There is a lot to be said for being a single parent. Discipline is not one of them. Men/boys have a definite respect for other men, the authority of them, the power of them, whatever it is that you guys have as a bonding agent. I find that I love this kid so much, there is a tendancy for me to let him run his own show. The problem with this is I have to get control at certain times of the day. Its not an accomplishment I am proud of, its a definition of a deserved serenity in our coexistance.

Discipline helps him to understand the boundaries. Discipline helps him to realize order. Discipline helps me to not want to kill him, or run off and leave him. I freakin HATE doing it. Hate it. The thing I have realized is that, even though this little man has good manners and a great heart, he deserves to have set of boundaries so he feels peaceful and secure.

I am an idealist in many senses of that term. I have always thought there could be another way for parents and children to coexist. But upon living this experience, I realize, discipline is necessary. As I explained to my son tonight, we all go through it, and it makes our lives easier in the long run. But the temporary abonishment psyche is a hard feeling to understand. I hope i can do him justice.

Because there are so many other things he will learn that will hurt him so much more. Like the question I will eventually have to explain... Where is my daddy? I do NOT look forward to that bridge. I will not lie. I will allow him to understand without full explanation, or shame. He deserves to be an individual with confidence. And I can give him that. Will give him that.

whew. thanks for your patience. you may now return to your single, and unburdened lives.

Monday, October 23

The Pumpkin Patch Sunday

We went to a pumpkin patch today. It was a small little patch of earth with a lot for kids to become entranced by. Here are some of the images my eye caught as i was following my son around this place. Its a wonder what you see through a childs eye. enjoy.

the sunflowers was a lucky image from a bumpy hayride.
the scarecrow was from a corn maze we couldn't seem to make it through. I promised him we would go back and try again. the hayride. yea. it was BORING! he loved it. we did it twice. would have gone a third time, but... it was BORING!

afterwards, the costume shop. he had been saying pirate these last few weeks. We get there, he picks out a mickey mouse costume!!!! LOL. sighs. mommy bought wings so that she could be a fairy. seemed simple enough to wear a pink skirt and top, ballet flats and glitter in order to chase a three year old!

Happy Halloween week Everybody!

Saturday, October 21

Best Wishes

Where there is great love, there are always wishes.

Willa Cather

Where there is love there is life.
Mohandas Gandhi

To my friends Meri & Melissa,

May the years to follow be full of love and enlightenment.

I love you both.

Friday, October 20


I started feeling melancholy this morning, remembering all the good times I had in Texas, Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, Chorpus Christi, Galveston, San Angelo, Menard, Lubbock... sighs. its a BIG place. Lots to do and see. And realizing it was the last weekend for the State Fair of Texas. Actually the first weekend is the best, cuz the corny dog grease is hot and fresh! You can NOT go to the state fair, and not have a corn dog. Nope! (they even have soy dogs I believe. :wink:) So after traveling all over that great state, (despite a few pesky politicians, BTW, I never voted for him or his daddy, I KNEW better!) I realized that there really are no others like them. Strange to say that. I never believed that people were all that different around the globe, and basically they aren't. But, Texans are a different breed.

My sister and I were discussing this yesterday, how much we both miss our Texas women friends. They are independant and strong. You can always count on them to be honest and loving. Even if it is at full volume, brutally honest and in your face, you most always know where you stand. There is a lot to be said for that kind of friendship. So no matter what I feel about the actual state of Texas, I miss my texas friends!

Texas weather sucks most of the year. They have hurricanes, flooding, and those hellacious summers that last from May to Oct. There are more than a few rednecks. They have the death penalty, mosquitos that carry off dogs, and flying cockroaches. It's got great thunderstorm activity. It also has produced some of the GREATest music and some of my favorite people in the world.

So Texas buddies, Howdy YA'LL! Come on out to SB and lets BBQ on the beach. Damn straight.

damn it looks like i missed Jerry Jeff Walker this year. and Cross Canadian Ragweed... oh well. there is always next year! *starts polishing her boots*

Thursday, October 19

everybody smiles with a doughnut in thier hand

Along with the Starbucks we are treated to everyday, the company where I work provides us with doughnuts on Thursdays. Plus sacks and sacks of bagels. Everyone leaves the lunchroom with a smile on thier face on Thursday mornings. Carbo Thursdays I call them. Don't put your hand between an engineer and his morning doughnuts or you may lose it!

~~~ and on a different note...

Who knew! Jeffery would win Project Runway! And why was that snitty Laura all up in arms about his technique? sheeez. I though for sure Uli was going to take it, but I realized in my own mind, that he was the most innovative designer there. Right? And after seeing him talk about his life, and the changes he had made, I was kind of rooting for him... (is that the right word? rooting?) Well, now we have to wait for the next installment. thankfully Top Chef is going to take that time slot.

Any thoughts? Comments? Hazelnut Creamer? Cuz I am out. :wink:

edit: I have not forgotten you all! I have been WAYY too busy at work to catch up on blogs! will try to get to everyone by the weekend.

Wednesday, October 18

Hump Day... Where's Your Camel?

Its Hump Day for those of us that have Monday - Friday schedules. sighs. That would be me. And it's DRAGGING! I mean, isn't this week over yet? YIKES! So I will sit and stare at this project I am NOT liking until friday.

For you creative types, don't you hate it when you are designing something to someone elses specs, and you HATE IT? And now my mind has a completely new idea, and I am too tired to move? sheezzzzzzzzzzzz. Booth Graphics... (hearing the collective moan). Oh well, I could be cleaning toilets right? but I am NOT YEEEHAW... so I sit and stare at it. Something will spark I know it!

Until then, I blog. I eat. I sleep. I am a Cruise Director, "same as it ever was".

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!

Letting the days go by
let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by
water flowing underground
Into the blue again
after the moneys gone
Once in a lifetime
water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...

Once In a Lifetime ~ Talking Heads

Tuesday, October 17

The Confessions I Must Share

I stole this meme from Neil! Hey buddy... there are only a few things on this list i haven't done. Does that make my life complete? Maybe I should put in the things I still want to do.

(x) Smoked a joint
(x) Done cocaine
(X) Been in love
( ) Had a threesome
(x) Been dumped
(x) Shoplifted
(X) Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
(x) Been arrested
(x) Made out with a stranger
(X) Gone on a blind date
() Had a crush on a teacher
(X) Been to Europe
( ) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
( ) Seen someone die
(x) Thrown up in a bar
(X) Met a celebrity
(X) Met someone from the internet in person
( ) Been moshing at a concert
(x) Gone backstage at a concert
(x) Lain outside in the grass and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) Made a snow angel
(X) Flown a kite
(x) Cheated while playing a game
(X) Been lonely
(x) Fallen asleep at work
( ) Fallen asleep at school
( ) Used a fake ID
( ) Been kicked out of a bar
( ) Felt an earthquake
(x) Touched a snake
(x) Slept beneath the stars
(x) Been robbed
(X) Won a contest
(X) Run a red light
( ) Been suspended from school
(X) Had braces
(X) Felt like an outcast
(X) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) Had deja vu
(x) Totaled a car
( ) Stolen a car
(x) Hated the way you look
(x) Witnessed a crime
(x) Been to a strip club
( ) Been to the opposite side of the world
(X) Swum in the ocean
(x) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Sung karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with only coins
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
(x) Made prank phone calls
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Had a bonfire on the beach
(x) Crashed a party
(x) Seen a tornado
(X) Had a wish come true
( ) Gone bungee jumping
(x) Screamed in public
(x) Told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) Had a one night stand
(x) Kissed a mirror
( ) Had a dream that you married someone
(x) Gotten your fingers stuck together with super glue
( ) Been a cheerleader
(X) Sat on a roof top
(x) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
(X) Stayed up all night
(X) Not taken a shower for three days
( ) Made contact with a ghost while playing a Ouija board
( ) Had more than 30 pairs of shoes at a time
( ) Gone streaking
(X) Been skinny dipping
(x) Been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
(x) Had sex in a public or semi-public place
(x) Been kissed by a complete stranger
(x) Broken a bone
(x) Caught a butterfly
(x) Mooned/flashed someone
(x) Had someone moon/flash you
(x) Cheated on a test
(X) Forgotten someone’s name
(X) Slept naked

This is a few extras...
(x) Read tarot cards for a friend and scared them off permanently because of what you told them
(x) had some sleeping dreams that came true
(x) had a child
(x) preformed live and said shit on mic when i messed up! :lol:

only makes up part of my experiences. i would like to be married one day, I think. Sorry this is a boring entry, but worn out today. and busy at work!

anyone else up for confession?

Monday, October 16

Kinetic Energy

Kinetic energy is the energy that a body possesses as a result of its motion. It is formally defined as the work needed to accelerate a body from rest to its current velocity. Having gained this energy during its acceleration, the body maintains this kinetic energy unless its speed changes. Negative work of the same magnitude would be required to return the body to a state of rest from that velocity.

So, once an object is in motion it stays in motion eh? I was lucky enough to put my camera on the table at the birthday party on Saturday night, and catch a body in motion. This little man has enough energy to power a small city. Does anyone else have a three year old? Whew! I get tired just thinking about corraling him.

He goes non-stop. And the interesting thing is I remember being that way when I was small. Go Go Go! and if my body was at rest my mind was going even faster. So we got him out of the house as much as possible this weekend. Saturday was playing catch, and running around outside, followed by the party which i stayed at until almost 11pm. Then Sunday, we watched cartoons, then...

He ran from exhibit to exhibit with all the adults strolling behind! it was a lovely afternoon, the animals were all very inactive, we got a great look at the gibbon monkeys. We took the little train ride that takes you behind the lion cages, and we got to see them both, the lion was up on his rock. The new penguin exhibit was cool! and when austin saw the fresh water manna rays, he freaked out thinking they were going to escape thier cages. Kids at the zoo are the greatest! We would go every weekend if I could afford it!

Wanna see the penguin picture? :lol: Enough home shots. OH.. And if you are EVER in Santa Barbara CA, you HAVE to go to the La Super Rica Taco shack on Milpas. And even if you have to wait, wait. YUMMMY! can you say leftovers for monday lunch? I KNEW that you could. :wink:

Friday, October 13

Friday Rainbow

This morning when I walked out of my apartment it was sunny. As I approached my car it started raining. Then I looked up in the sky, and I saw a rainbow. I thought, what a great way to start the weekend!

Rainbows are seen when raindrops, falling in the distance, bend and bounce sunlight back towards your eye.

Raindrops reflect sunlight, like a mirror. However raindrops also bend, or refract, light, like a lens. The reflection is spread into a cone of light. The edge of this cone is bright, because sunlight is concentrated at this angle (called the rainbow angle).

Each colour of sunlight is bent and bounced in a slightly different direction. The colours separate around the bright edge of the reflection.

The collection of raindrops that send the same bright colour towards your eye is curved. The centre of the curve is the shadow of your head (called the anti-solar point). The rainbow always appears at the same distance from this central point, at the rainbow angle.

I can't really top that wonder of light and rain making the full color prism arch, so lets just sit back and enjoy. enjoy your weekends, carving pumpkins, drinking pumpkin ales, sleeping in, making soup or chili, watching baseball playoffs and we have a birthday party on saturday! YEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWW.

sniff sniff ~ do you smell the leaves falling? *picks up her camera and wanders into the woods*

be wise, and well.

Yea its friday the thirteenth. I should have posted something about hoaxes and bad luck, but since my birthday is a 13, I am not buying this as being a bad thing! (especially since one of the first things i saw this morning was a rainbow) Embrace your fate. It could be the best day EVER!!!!!