There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Friday, September 8

Dysfunction Junction - eek.

Family. They are fun. Sometimes. And in short little spurts. I was at a family wedding this weekend, and when i left it, i felt sad, tired, and totally drained. What am I missing here? What am I missing? Family time should be relaxing, and laid back, at least mostly. But i felt like i was up against a wall, and under the "beacon of shame" as my girlfriend Kat and I call it. :giggles. "beacon of shame".

I need analysis. serious reflection time to figure out why the five people that consist of my faction of this clan are so messed up! I thought i had gotten through it all, more settled into what issues were in the past, and which still remain. But right now? I find myself crying "dear baby jesus. help me!" from what has this despair been spawned? shit. shit shit shit... I think i will take a retreat at Christmas to a holy land, and give all my posessions to the needy. Only when i am free of burden can i actually see in my own personal space what is left to solve.

but seriously. there are deep currents from childhood, i am sure we all experience, that when i am around these people, begin to get some white caps. shit. shit shit... thats all it is. and its stinking up the joint.

JANITOR! CLEAN UP ON THE TOP LEVEL!

5 comments:

  1. Responding in kind...

    I'll NEVER forget that weekend, woman! Meeting Noel...speaking of which...where was his damn brother anyways?

    And no, I do not think they ever recorded that song. Bastards!

    Remember that time we took that trip touring the wine country in Cali? We both were so sick and tired of these little dribbles of wine to sample, we both had that "Sideways" meltdown where we both just grabbed bottles & just started chugging! Gawd that was great. Too bad those damned awesome white blouses we had on got ruined.

    Ah well...fashion suffers where drinking is involved. LOL

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  2. Family sucks.

    My only hope is that I do a better job with mine as my parents did with theirs.

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  3. I WANNA GO WITH YOU ON CHRISTMAS TO THE HOLY LAND....FOR REAL! THATNKS FOR CHECKIN OUT MY LIL OL BLOG.....I WILL BE BACK TO VISIT! AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT!!GOD KNOWS I NEED IT!

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  4. jj: that brother of his is a wanker. we all know it. of wanking on some poor unsuspecting lady i suppose.

    and yea. the wine country is just waiting for our return. the one place we skipped is schramsburg. going to have to hit that champagne maker upon our return. and memo to selves... wear black!

    Bro: there is always hope that we do it better. i can tell i already have at least a half step up since i am doing it alone without a partner to argue with. :wink:

    Dink: Welcome! yea. wouldnt it be nice to be free of burden for a year? just breath in the calm and peace of being unburdened. And it sounded to me like you already made the decision in your blog entry. i just wanted to confirm that fact. thanks for the camaraderie.

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  5. You, me, and everyone I know...

    We get our cars tuned up, we get our computers fixed, we get pills and stitches, and self-medicate, and hide, and do all kinds of shit - but, (as the joke goes) "They don't call em 'the rapists' for nothin'!"

    It's hard to let somebody else inside our heads when we are stuck between the rock of conflict and the hard place of fear concerning the unholy terror of realization that "Everything We Know (from childhood) Is Wrong!" - or, sometimes, so it seems.

    :hug:

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