Family. They are fun. Sometimes. And in short little spurts. I was at a family wedding this weekend, and when i left it, i felt sad, tired, and totally drained. What am I missing here? What am I missing? Family time should be relaxing, and laid back, at least mostly. But i felt like i was up against a wall, and under the "beacon of shame" as my girlfriend Kat and I call it. :giggles. "beacon of shame".
I need analysis. serious reflection time to figure out why the five people that consist of my faction of this clan are so messed up! I thought i had gotten through it all, more settled into what issues were in the past, and which still remain. But right now? I find myself crying "dear baby jesus. help me!" from what has this despair been spawned? shit. shit shit shit... I think i will take a retreat at Christmas to a holy land, and give all my posessions to the needy. Only when i am free of burden can i actually see in my own personal space what is left to solve.
but seriously. there are deep currents from childhood, i am sure we all experience, that when i am around these people, begin to get some white caps. shit. shit shit... thats all it is. and its stinking up the joint.
JANITOR! CLEAN UP ON THE TOP LEVEL!