There is a lot to be said for being a single parent. Discipline is not one of them. Men/boys have a definite respect for other men, the authority of them, the power of them, whatever it is that you guys have as a bonding agent. I find that I love this kid so much, there is a tendancy for me to let him run his own show. The problem with this is I have to get control at certain times of the day. Its not an accomplishment I am proud of, its a definition of a deserved serenity in our coexistance.
Discipline helps him to understand the boundaries. Discipline helps him to realize order. Discipline helps me to not want to kill him, or run off and leave him. I freakin HATE doing it. Hate it. The thing I have realized is that, even though this little man has good manners and a great heart, he deserves to have set of boundaries so he feels peaceful and secure.
I am an idealist in many senses of that term. I have always thought there could be another way for parents and children to coexist. But upon living this experience, I realize, discipline is necessary. As I explained to my son tonight, we all go through it, and it makes our lives easier in the long run. But the temporary abonishment psyche is a hard feeling to understand. I hope i can do him justice.
Because there are so many other things he will learn that will hurt him so much more. Like the question I will eventually have to explain... Where is my daddy? I do NOT look forward to that bridge. I will not lie. I will allow him to understand without full explanation, or shame. He deserves to be an individual with confidence. And I can give him that. Will give him that.
whew. thanks for your patience. you may now return to your single, and unburdened lives.