There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Friday, November 3

Living with Ghosts

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.
Maya Angelou

Today this phrase/title, Living with Ghosts, came to me as i sat down to work. I am reflecting on a late night conversation. One I am not sure that I made myself clear enough in. One of the resons is I find myself living my life in the past, past experiences and past choices that reflect in a tired single mom's speech when she can't possibly have one more conversation that reflects her intelligence. Each day is an opportunity to pull myself out of that wreckage by choices. Choices in each moment. Like continuing to breath... yea that is a choice I have to make some days. The older we get, the more the floor is covered with the past, and the more I have to scuffle through the scraps of memontos and place it in the right files... making sure to pick up all the little post its, moments of sorrow, organizing it so I dont have to come back to it AGAIN! Some days, I just dont want to look at it. Those are the days I retreat into someone elses words to find comfort. (can i tell you how much i miss painting! my therapy is on hiatus. Not for long).

The album Living with Ghosts is fabulous. If you like Patty Griffin, or even if you don't, pick up a copy of this one. The lyrics are amazing. The songs on here to me seem transitionally based. Some people may find her to be a bit depressing. I find that listening to the insights of someone who so eloquently puts pain into small digestable rivers of vision feeds my own transitional fears and soothes the doubts in a comforting process. You know, like music always does? Do you love Patty or what?

It's funny how a morning turns a love to shame
Disguised and disfigured and you thought I tasted like rain
There`s nothing here but a shadow nothin here
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
There's nothin here but the shadow, and now you know

I spit, I spit in the eye
I tear, I tear out my heart
and I scatter the bits
I stay unseen by the light
I stay untold by the truth
I'm sold by a lie
By this I am able in all of my travels
To make these memories quit
But tonight I clearly recall every little bit

I can chew like a cannibal
I can yell like a cat
I even had you believing that I really really like it like that
But there was never a moment
Not a moment
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
You ever got within a hundred million miles of my soul

I spit, I spit in the eye
I tear, I tear out my heart
And I scatter the bits
I stay unseen by the light
I stay untold by the truth
I'm sold by a lie
By this I am able in all of my travels
To make these memories quit
But tonight I clearly recall every little bit

You left open the window till the morning
And the winter walked in
Reality fired her wooden bullet
Splintered under our skin
They say I'm walking on freedom
This is freedom
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
I still don't blame you for leaving,baby
It's cold living with ghosts

I spit, I spit in the eye
I tear, I tear out my heart
and I scatter the bits
I stay unseen by the light
I stay untold by the truth
I'm sold by a lie
By this I am able in all of my travels
To make these memories quit
But tonight I clearly recall every little bit


Every Little Bit ~ Patty Griffin

Deep cleansing breaths... I need to go and do some watercolors. You all have a pleasant weekend, make memories that don't have to be swept up and organized. Memories that hang on the wall. Beautiful pictures to look at in your golden years. Life is too short to be a janitor in your own body all the time. Keep it simple and enjoy!

namaste!

15 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post:)
    Thank you for this.
    Especially"Life is too short to be a janitor in your own body all the time. Keep it simple and enjoy!"
    Perfect words to live by!

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  2. "Life is too short to be a janitor in your own body all the time. Keep it simple and enjoy"! That's very good and so true.

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  3. I am definitely going to check out some Patty Griffin this weekend. :)

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  4. Great Angelou quote! I'll have to check out some Patti Griffin now.

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  5. very well written post! sometimes I need a reminder to feel and live in the here and now........

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  6. goddess: I have been trying to post comments to your blog with no success. but i have been visiting. :wink:

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  7. I've been sifting through memories this week as well, based on unexpected conversations. I'm with you on this one, Mellie Mel.

    Instead of painting, I've taken to picking up my camera (even though it's not the best quality), and going out to shoot photos. I guess our friends over at RP are to blame. But although they're not all masterpieces, I do find that it's a great (and inexpensive) means for me to do something creative and out of my house.

    Hope I get to see you again sooner rather than later, my friend. :hug:

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  8. I also love the line about being a janitor in your own body. Good stuff.

    Are you going to post pictures of your watercolors for us to enjoy?

    Thanks for visiting my blog. I"ll be back!

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  9. I haven't been painting as much either. I miss it, but I don't miss the mess that I make.

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  10. Ah, if it wer only that easy! I guess we all have that fight each day to live for no regrets on a small or big scale.

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  11. Wise, wise words.

    Hope you have such a beautiful weekend, yourself!

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  12. Hey Melanie, What a beautiful way with words you have. How did you watercolours go?

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  13. I think we all do this from time to time. Trying to find the "right" words at the right time is so hard. I spend many a day after a "late night" conversation thinking "I did not say that right, did they take it the way I meant? I am daft! No they are daft! Hell maybe we are all daft!" LOL Hang in there girl and keep at it, it is all part of the rollercoaster! I will have to check out this Patty Girffin, I have never heard of her! Thanks for the recommendation!

    hugs- T

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  14. Hope you had a good weekend, babe.

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  15. miss I: thanks!

    Hi Suzanne! thanks for coming by.

    BOAW: welcome! found it on brainy quotes.com, check them out sometime. WARNING: if you like patty, she can become addicting.

    NWG: missing you as well. wish I could get down to see you soon,but we will see. HUGZZZZZZZZZZZ.

    Hearts: watercolors to be posted in the future. and yea. clean up on the upper level is done. for today.

    mist1: unlike all the other messes you make? giggles. The hardest part for me is keeping the kid from painting everything with the water.

    lbug: yea. not so much the regrets as staying in the here and now like the goddess said. I don't regret the things i have done. Everything is a learning experience if you let it be.

    loraloo: thanks. giggles, spent the weekend cleaning my apartment.

    Ali: thanks! I wish writing came that easily all the time. I should probably practice more.

    Tgirl: thanks. rollercoasters are great fun, but everyonce in a while, you have to take a break from the ride for piece of mind! Patty is AWESOME! you wont regret it.

    hey Frank! Weekends are never long enough. right?

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