So I have always been un-cool. And, it's a safe bet that I will continue to be un-cool for the rest of my days. I have a talent to draw unwanted attention to my silly demeanor. In addition to that, I laugh at just about everything. Yes, even in tragedy.
Its just not in my nature to make graceful entrances or exits in this lifetime. I have fallen off many barstools, before imbibing. I have laughed out loud when the soloist finishes and all are completely silent. I am the girl, who at the company Christmas party (btw: At the time, I was working for a major high dollar, high fashion retailer), was decked out in a black velvet dress I had someone make for me, expensive costume jewelry and my best heels. As I was walking to the "powder room", I slipped on the carpet. Of course it was at high traffic time. Lo and beholding to many unsuspecting party guests, my skirt flew up over her head! I was sans-panties for this function as well. Of course, that is when I started drinking heavily... Ha! And that is just one example of my many triumphs.
Its just those kinds of events that plague me. The ones you can never outrun. The ones that will be gossiped about for weeks. And now that I am a mom, I have a little one that I can train in the fine art of enjoying your own un-coolness.
So, if you ever see a woman on the streets of Santa Barbara making an ass of herself without even trying, more than likely its me. I figure, I am going to look like an idiot anyway, I might as well make the most of it. So enjoy the show, because I have NO shame when it comes to enjoying life as the un-cool chick.
We don't need no stinkin woopie cushions. ;-)