There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Wednesday, February 28


A decision is definitive when you act on a thought. Each decision you make is an opportunity to change either for the better or worse. I have really been focusing on that these last two months. What decisions am I making? Are they serving my greater self? Do I really need that extra serving of hummus? Complex to simple. They are opportunities. They are choices that you make.

They are momentary and are a ripple in a much bigger pond. Don't be fooled into thinking otherwise. If I hadn't made the decision to sleep with someone when I did, I wouldn't have this wonderful child. If I had made better decisions about food, I wouldn't be overweight and feeling sorry for myself. A decision to disregard someones desires, or intentions, can cost you a friendship.

One of these decisions is regarding the time I spend on the computer/TV/Vegging. My child has reached a very influential age, where he needs my undivided attention and input of knowledge. But, sometimes at the end of a very long day, I just feel like watching TV or zoning out at the computer and chatting with friends. I must make better decisions where that time is spent. No. I will make a better decision. I can't get that time back. That time is NOW.

A positive decision I have made, I am going to the gym. He seems totally ecstatic about going to the Y to play games with the older kids. This will help in my goal to become a healthier mom. And teaching him some regard for his physical being. And, I don't want to be the Fat MoM! I want to be the Fun MOM!

Right now the most difficult decision I have is about the food I put in my body. I have a serious love of food and cooking. But, its time to make a change. I have two excellent cookbooks from Weight Watchers and need to start really diving into those recipes. Hoping that the picky little one will eat whatever that makes. And if he doesn't, that I will not eat the mac & cheese or rice and beans I make for him. Plus his love of the cheese is genetic. Thankfully the fat free mozzarella is pretty close to real cheese. Fat Free cheddar is a joke. That is NOT cheese. I splurge sometimes, but its in my head to make wise decisions where my diet is concerned, having larger portions of the good stuff definitely outweighs the smaller portions of the fatty foods.

Decisions are all related to a bigger picture. I have been on the dark side of decision making for quite some time. Its a long road back up the mountain. I hope that you are better at it than I am. I am changing my course, but its going to take some time. Being patient with myself is not a decision that I have settled into as much. But, one decision at a time.

Tuesday, February 27


Someone accused me of getting an attitude today. Excuse me? You preaching to me mister? Fuggget about it! Hell yea I am going to get an attitude. I am sick of the shit that goes down around that arena. I have explained myself for the last time. If you don't get the rules of the mem-sahib ride, then let someone else have a turn.

Maybe I am just feeling the need to move. Not sure what kind of move its going to be, not a physical one that is for sure. But planets are shifting and I feel the need to move with them.

You too can generate your own church sign. I just thought the martyr one fit me today. In spades. :wink:

Monday, February 26

Moneydays SUCK!

Money SUCKS!!!! It bites big nasty corpusley wankazoidal weiners. My daycare provider wants me to pay a full month for less than two weeks of work. :WAH!!!!:

And I still have to come up with a daycare alternative while she is on HER vacation. eyeroll: I am going to be paying twice the amount for daycare that I am paying now. I am ready for a new daycare. I have been working on it. we will see.

HELP!!!!!! and to top it off, I will NEVER be able to own property in Southern California. Or California anywhere. NEVER! tell me that isn't a stressful reality. :eyeroll:

Okay Monday rant over. Onto the Month of March, which is definitely going to be stressful.

oooo and a
Its just the beginning of a new era to your wonderful life. Enjoy.

Thursday, February 22

Just a Reminder

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
Oscar Wilde

Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death
Auntie Mame

I hope that all your weekends are spectacular and safe and sunny and warm.. and mostly filled with smiles!

Bring on the CHEESE!!!!

Safe journeys to those that are traveling. hugs.

Will Power

So, last night I was starving! And it was late at night. I tried to stay away from the kitchen. You know if I lived in a bigger abode, I could physically put myself a good distance, but I don't.
(And with the way real estate prices are going in California, not likely going to ever happen. Unless, I find a big pile of money somewhere, or win the lottery. But, you NEVER know. :wink:)
I tried that glass of water thing too. EH. I have NO will power. HELP!

So I had a handful of fritos, the kid and I were pretending they were monster teeth. :giggles: Then he fell asleep, and I had a handful of fruit loops. You would think I would have some healthier snacks in the house, but I am working on eliminating this huge cache of food I have stored in my cupboards. My theory is if there isn't food in the house, I wont eat so much late night. But the reality isI snack on bad stuff. :lol:

Time to go to the farmers market for veggies and get fresh fruit. Then to trader joes for pretzel thins and whole wheat tortillas, and whatever else I can find that is low fat, low cal, and good for me.

Wednesday, February 21

No More Clowns.

Poetry is NO MYSTERY! Think lyrics without music, and then you got it. :wink:

I had a discussion with a friend last night about poetry. He failed to acknowledge that I had written him a poem last Valentine's Day. I started to question my talents. I don't like that feeling. The more I think about it, the more this irritates me. And I haven't written much since then. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. I need something that lifts me UP, not tears me down.

Am I a Bird or a Stone?

My heart feels like stone.
Sitting in the center of me
a weight I keep walking around
instead of casting it aside.

No waiting for your timing.
Its my time for a smile
You want to be in the arena
throw in your heart too.

I am stopping this dance
I am done with the charade
it takes away my patience
and hungers for some pride.

No more clown.
I want a real love
Nothing less will do.
Sadly, it seems its not you.

I have recently decided that maybe I am not thinking clearly. I am not putting out in the universe exactly what is it I want. I am not really quite adept at knowing what is best for me. But I do know what I don't like. I hope that helps.

Tuesday, February 20

A New Toy ~ Nikon D-40

Don't hate me just yet. I have a new toy. I decided two years ago at tax time that I would treat myself to a more professional type camera as soon as I could afford one. I love taking pictures. Always have. Now? I can use it as another canvas for my eye. To capture the way I see things.

I am so proud of myself to finally be accomplishing some of the things I have always wanted to do.

Keep your eye on my Old Blog, as I have turned it into a photo blog. Any other shooters, please leave a message there. I want to set up links to photographers there.

OK. I have to work! Happy weeks to all.

Friday, February 16

its friday.

I miss having someone in my life to share these long weekends with. Although, the little sprout is all the joy I could ask for, it would be nice to have a someone/partner to go fishing with, hiking, or just eating in front of the TV and arguing over the remote. Then making up later in between the sheets. sighs.

None the less, I am going to continue keeping myself busy. Teaching the boy, enjoying my weight loss and seeing all I can of this wonderful paradise I live in. Its a three day Weekend! YOWZA!!!! A big month to come ahead, maybe I should do some spring cleaning. I promised the little guy a trip to the zoo. Maybe take in a breakfast at the Cold Spring Tavern this weekend. Any takers?

OOOO and get a new camera. Any suggestions? Watch the MEM blog for a new photo blog. coming in the next month.

Current I-Tunes track: David Grey - The One I Love. sighs.

Thursday, February 15

Update on Weight

After a three day anticipation, I am proud to announce that I am again a Loser! Down 3.0 lbs... Sorry for the delay. Just wanted to post the Valentines Day entry first.

Keep your eyes focused on this space, I am sure to be a loser next week to as I have had the flu all week.

In one year, I hope to post a new image of a thinner healthier me. That is my goal. Thanks for your continued support. It definitely helps me choose wisely. Glad to post good news. I know I can do this. Now, to start an exercise regime. blech.

Monday, February 12

Valentine's Day


I have been on the planet a considerable amount of time. I have had boyfriends over the years. Almost married once, but stepped back from that one. :whew: And in all this time, I have gotten a Valentine card from a lover MAYBE five times. Flowers once. chocolates, never. Last year I got dumped. See Promises Promises.

Sighs. Am I not the kind of woman that deserves these things? I always thought I was. And it surely isn't a deal breaker where a relationship is concerned, but puuuleeeez. Isn't showing your affection and love through tokens a wonderful thing? It makes you happy and the recipient happy. What have I done wrong in this lifetime? Geez. oh well.

Guess I will be buying myself a Huge bouquet on Wednesday. Or do you think I would prefer a single rose? meh. I am thinking... gigolo! yea. that would fill the bill. ;-)

Wednesday, February 7


Yea. I need to learn Dreamweaver 8. And start working on a website. YIKES! Am I nervous? Nah... Am I overwhelmed? well, a little. Do I have the patience? Doubt it. But away we go...

Anyone versed in this software? The IT guy says, good luck with navigation. :ACK:

Monday, February 5

WWatchers... Unite!

Even though my Weight Watcher meetings are at my work location and everyone in the meeting is a coworker, another one joined today! This is someone that I work with quite a bit. And we do lunch together once in a while. I was happy she did because as a result of her joining, she says, let's walk to subway! wOOOt! Triple Bonus:

1) The Monday lunch special is only 5 pts,
2) it costs exactly 2.50
3) you walk a mile and a half each way to get it.

We have decided that will be our ritual, twice a week (Mon & Wed lunch specials are the lowest in pts. ) Now... that is good news. I like Monday today.

In addition to a new tradition with the coworker, I lost 2 lbs! This puts me down one lb actually from the original loss. But, a loser is a loser, eh?

Congrats to all the other losers in my group. And to the other dieters that happen by, You are doing great! keep it up. *pat on the back for us all*

Friday, February 2

Patty Griffin is coming!

Now you who read my blog, (and thank you for that BTW) know how much I love this woman. She has a new CD releasing on Feb 6th. (Already pre-ordered at my local Borders.) So consequently, will be going on tour. And on March 13th, which is my birthday, she will be preforming Los Angeles. When I heard this about her new CD and looked up tour dates, I almost passed out! Someone I have always wanted to see, and just never was in the right place at the right time, how serendipidous! Can I get an AMEN from the bobble-heads?

Now, granted, its a Tuesday, anyone who wants to stalk me or just be in the general vicinity of me should go to the Wiltern Theater and look for my toes... giggles. There is only one other person who I am dying to see this concert with, but I doubt that will happen. Different states, too far to travel, and impending circumstances. Sighs. You know how much fun it is to see a concert with someone that loves the same artist as much as you do? I know you do. Its almost concert orgasm! Sharing your appreciation of an artist in concert with someone at a similar level is such a BONUS!

Who lives in So Cal and loves Patty G? Looking for a group to attend and help me get over the hump of the body aging one more year. Anyone? Anyone? Well, think about it. If not, I will have to take my three year old. YIkES!

Oh and just so you can have a sampling of the Patty wisdom, another round of lyrics.

We are swimming with the snakes at the bottom of the well
So silent and peaceful in the darkness where we fell
But we are not snakes and what’s more whenever will be
And if we stay swimming here forever we will never be free

I heard ‘em ringin’ the bells in heaven and hell
They got a secret they’re gettin ready to tell
Its fallin’ from the skies, callin’ from the graves
Open your eyes boy I think we are saved
Open your eyes boy I think we are saved

Let’s take a walk on the bridge right over this mess
Don’t need to tell me a thing baby, we’ve already confessed
And I raise my voice to the air and we were blessed
Its hard to give
Its hard to get
But everybody needs a little forgiveness

We are calling for help tonight on a thin phone line.
As ususal we’re havin’ ourselves one helluva time.
And the planes keep flyin’ over our heads no matter how loud we
Shout Hey Hey Heyyy
And we keep wavin’ and wavin’ our arms in the air but we’re all tired out

I heard somebody say today’s the day
A big old hurricane she’s blowin’ our way,
Knockin’ over the buildings,
Killin’ all the lights.
Open your eyes boy, we made it through the night.
Open your eyes boy, we made it through the night.

Its hard to give.
Its hard to get.
Its hard to live baby, still I think its the best bet.
Hey now hard to give and I’m never gonna forget.
But everybody needs a little forgiveness.
Everybody needs a little forgiveness

Patty Griffin ~ Forgiveness

Now does that just make things a little more clear or what? Sighs. I hope that I find someone to attend this show with me. If not, she is playing in San Francisco the following Friday. And my sis lives up in Napa... :cheesygrin: maybe two shows in one week? Be still my heart. Live music, and Patty G.

They are going to have to scrap me off the ceiling ~ Hey Mist1, what exactly do you wear for that? giggles.