There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Saturday, March 31


I just don't fit in. Wait. Isn't that most days? And after trying to relate to a small portion of the planet, I feel like never opening my mouth again. Desiring to just let my images speak for themselves is enough. Thing is, I can't. I hate communication, but for some reason, I am designed to expound. I wish I was more eloquent, but life is as it is. And I keep refining.

The generalization? Either you sink or swim. And mostly lately, I feel like I am treading water. The scariest thing about my situation is I have a beautiful soul needing security. I fight everyday to make the money to keep him, and the sanity to raise him. Frakkkkk. I do fall short of many things I hope to make up to him this year.

Powers that unite us in spirit, release my fears so that I may follow the bold path you have bestowed me with. If I was incapable, I wouldn't be in this position, and yet i question. Allow us both to glean in the wisdom of your decision. Cuz, damn, were in a tight spot!

Friday, March 30

I Feel Sick...

To my stomach. And someone told me that "false thoughts" are taking control of my life. That is one possibility. Basically? I am tired of relationships, friends or otherwise, where the people on the other side are not completely honest with me. I don't care if its bad news or good news... Just freakin' tell me the truth! It's not like I can't handle it. cha!

Lay it on me people. I am a strong adult woman, and I CAN TAKE IT! :wink:

I love the happy bunny... :giggles:

edit: If i hear myself say the words "kind of" again in a sentence, I may have to wire my mouth shut!!!!

Wednesday, March 28

More about Scents...

For some reason, its olfactory week in the mem blog. And so it goes...

I walked into the company bathroom this morning pretty early, after coffee time. And low and behold someone had used a cinnamon air freshener... BLECH!

Can you think of two smells that should never go together?

yea. #2 and cinnamon.

I did NOT take this picture... giggles.

Sunday, March 25

The most beautiful scent

The navel orange tree outside my kitchen window blooms twice a year. once in spring, and once in the fall. It is the most intoxicating scent I have ever smelled. I literally stand and smell the flowers every morning before leaving for work.

Since living here I have started looking for scents in lotions and soaps that have this soft and deep scent, and the addition of lavender, which grows by the steps of my porch. Ah... the nose is an amazing scentual organ. giggles.

Wednesday, March 21

Spring Fever...

Oh dear...Oh my... I am finding it hard to think. I have a one track mind. I am trying to focus elsewhere, but the need to be rolling in the hay is seriously taken over my waking mind. Thankfully my dreams are not full of the desires of my body, or I would be completely gone.

I have a college friend that swears this time of year is nearly impossible for him to remain monogamous. And this year? I think its the first time I have really felt that extreme. Sighs. which lead to... more sighs.

Distance sucks emotionally and physically. Where are you companion? I desire your warmth within my reach. I guess another season will come and go before that will happen. sighs... damn springtime.

My Photos

I have my new toy and thoroughly enjoying it. I am not as talented as others, but that will NOT stop me. Take a peek through your own viewfinder every once in a while. It does change the way you see the world.

I have seen that a few people on Flickr have started Photo Journals. I know its not too late to try, so my goal is to take at least one photo a day. That will get my eyes trained to see things in a different perspective again. Watch here for results.

Monday, March 19

WW Mondays - baby steps!

More good news. Down 1.6 this week. And I found out that we are going to continue our series at work for another 13 weeks!

I should be able to get a good head start on this years total by continuing to go at work. Then, I plan on continuing at the goleta center.

After a birthday week of complete enjoyment, I still lost weight. Amazing. I am back on plan and going to exercise as much as possible.

in my best Don La Fontaine voice: This time its for REAL! :lol:

Sunday, March 18


Thanks Becca. I love this! I wish it was permanent fixture. try it. fun stuff.

Thursday, March 8

B-day, March 13, again!

the yearly celebration of my creation.
a celebration of the exit from the womb.
a celebration of the first air in your lungs.
you know, life starts much earlier than that day.
it starts the day two people experience that union
that combines elements to make one being.
too bad I am not getting any of that action lately... POUTS!

If I had a birthday wish that I knew would come true, it wouldn't be that one anyway. I have bigger dreams. Larger visions right now, Future visions. Walking my wilderness with a new pair of eyes. I have a little one that needs to soar, and I gotta build a plane so we can travel. You know, kinda like that kinda dream. :wink:

Well, at least I have one thing I can celebrate! I DID IT! I made it here. I am surviving well, making things happen, and loving life most of the time, which for my genetically bipolar mass is a huge accomplishment in itself. Cheers!

Off we go... to the next rodeo... :whistle:

Monday, March 5

Save Internet Radio

Okay music lovers. There is a real threat to independent radio programmers on the World Wide Web. Please educate yourself and make waves to stop the big business/government gouging of radio station owners/operators.

Save our Internet Radio.

A few other links that you may find useful: Copyright Board
A possible cause for this current wave of greed is here.

How many times do we have to learn the same lesson? Robbing us of our art and culture choices, little by little via financial demands. Sometimes I am so embarrassed to be an American. Shamed. Please people. do what you can to make a change. Think, act, live!

off soapbox now. Let me know what you have heard about this issue. And spread the word. Please, spread the word.

If you have a chance, check out the beloved station Radio Paradise. You won't be sorry.

A more defined explanation from Mississippi Songbirds blog:
On Friday March 2nd 2007, the Copyright Royalty Board announced new
royalty rates for Internet Radio stations. The rates are retroactive to January of 2006. The new rates are far higher than any industry experts expected. In fact, if they remain unchanged, bankruptcy looms for many online radio stations.

The new rates essentially levy a tax of $0.0011 per performance. Now, that doesn't sound bad does it. But consider this. Each hour, the average radio station plays 16 songs. So that's about 1.76c per hour, per listener. A station with 500 listener average would be hit with fees of $211 per day, $6,336 a month or $76,000 a year.

This amount of money is beyond the resources of all but the very wealthiest of corporations. Many of the internet radio stations are run by enthusiasts and hobbyists. These small stations are the ones bringing new music, and old favorites to you every day. Music you can't hear on
corporate-owned terrestrial stations.

What can you do?
If you enjoy internet radio, you need to make your feelings known right now to your representatives in the Congress and Senate. Write to them and ask them to help repeal the decision of March 2nd by the Copyright Royalty Board. It only takes a couple of minutes.


More background on this decision

Broadcasters Go Here and join the cause


Ever had one of those nights where all you dreamt about is sex? Sighs. I even dreamt I went back in time and had sex. And unfortunately, it wasn't the "oh my gosh I feel so relaxed" kind either. Maybe I am just about to get screwed... and not in a sexual way. :eyeroll:

Okay. had to get that out of my vision. thanks for your patience. Nothin else to see here. move along. :wink: