There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Thursday, May 31

Tommy Can you Hear Me?

Sometimes I feel like I wake up about the time I get out of my car and walk into work. Like I have been moving in auto-pilot. Getting ready. Getting a child ready. Breakfast for him. Lunch for me. What am I wearing? What is clean? Did I brush my teeth? All these thoughts are running through my head while the "getting ready" process is unfolding. And yet? I still don't feel awake or alive till I walk into my office. (maybe its the promise of coffee... yum).

I do have a reason to be rambling about this. I was walking from the car to the back door of work. I looked down at the keys in my hand, and noticed something. On my key ring is only two keys. The rest of the stuff hanging from my ring are bits of plastic that are coded for various places I land during my daily flight of life. The coded tags from the YMCA, the library, and two grocery stores all hang next to each other on my key ring. I laughed thinking that there is more plastic than keys on my carabiner key ring. My next thought? I am awake, followed by the question, when did I become conscious? Then this song by The Who came into my head. Tommy, can you hear me!? Light goes on and I think, good blog entry.

\That deaf dumb and blind kid, sure plays mean pinball!!!

What is wrong with my head!?

Wednesday, May 30

Phone Calls

You know? I love my phone. The ring tone is "I Dream of Jeannie". (I have always wanted to blink my eyes and make things happen.) But, I just don't make enough phone calls. The contract I have on my cell phone gives me an exorbitant amount time. I only use half! I called the company to reduce my rates (a friend of mine has put me on a budget - and I am HAPPY about that). They said, you could get half the minutes for what you are paying now. (seems I opted in at a great time for rates and would be a fool to let go of that amount now.) So people... I am making this a challenge to myself. I must find people that will call me, or I can call. I want to feel like I am getting the most out of my dollar that is flying into the pocket of the execs at T-Mobile.

anyone fancy a chat?

(and who has suggestions on a new style? this one is about to die... pouts.)

Tuesday, May 29

So, I didn't

I didn't stay on my diet. I ate and drank quite a bit and had a glorious weekend. My parents came to visit. I took them to my favorite eating spots. We went sightseeing outside for at least a half day each day. They took care of the boy on Saturday so I could go to a crazy party thrown by a coworker. I am not glad to see them go, but happy to have my life back.

I hope someday we all have enough money so they can come and stay for a while. Hope you all had great weekends. And lots of pictures and memories to share.

I will tell some more interesting stories later from work. but for now? Don't you hate having to go back after a few days off?

Wednesday, May 23

New Design

I wanted to put up a header of my pictures, then got into creating a new look. I don't know if I am happy about it, but here it is. I hope this new design inspires some more creative writing. I feel a bit like a dry well. All is going fine. Off to spend Memorial Day weekend with my parents that are visiting from Texas. It will be great to see the little man and his uncle playing. And to see him interact with G-ma and PawPaw. It's going to be staying on the diet that is going to be a killer. I have a total beer bash to go to on Saturday! and the g-parents have agreed to watch the baby! :yippeeeladooodahday:

So, leave me a note. Let me know what you think. Give me some feedback. Have a safe yet festive holiday weekend. I know I am. Pictures to follow.

or click on the photo link next week. I will have uploaded as we go! :wink:

Tuesday, May 22

Tuesday Woe's

I talked to my good friend Wilene today. She is my rock. The one I turn to when I feel all wobbly inside. She reminded me that I have to end the drama I create in my life to move on. And we also had a long talk about money. We are both in the straights. But we also both see an end in sight. I hate money. Well, I hate that things are so expensive. I wish there was some kind of barter system still set up in this world Services for Services. It wouldn't work for everything, but I am sure that it would work in some areas.

Basically I hate money for all the greed it creates. And for the fact I can't travel to places I want to go. Or have people come and see me.

Dear Money:
I am extending an invitation to you to take residence in my apartment. Please bring a bunch of your relatives along. I promise not to take advantage of you too much.

woman in need of car repairs and sex

sheesh. I am SO sick of my whining. I could be so much worse off and have been in the past. Thanks again wilene for listening, and being my rock. Love my texas gals and miss their straight shooting conversations.

Monday, May 21

This explains a lot.

I have nothing to go on today. I have seriously considered just hanging it all up. Throwing in the towel. I have a bad feeling something is going wrong, and I don't know what it is. I HATE that! And everything gets twisted up in it too. I saw this on Mississippi Songbirds Blog. This is a good way to pass the time, kind of.

You Are 80% Intuitive

You are a very intuitive person. And luckily, your intuition is normally right.
You're wise enough to know that relying on intuition alone can be dangerous.
When your intuition seems really off, you tend to ignore it - and look at the facts instead.

yea. I got it like that. :wink:

Thursday, May 17

My Car

I have a great little Nissan Altima. I love that car. It brought me to CA! They run great! Problem: I still have TX plates after being here a year. So I take it in for a smog check. No worries, right? Wrong.

The guy calls me, says, Your knock sensor is out. It sits at the back of the engine. In order to get to it, i have to lift the engine. The book says 6 hours!!!! (labor! YIKES!) Then, an engine mount is broken. Part of the engine is sitting on the frame. YIKES! Then he says, crank angle sensor? (WTF?) that is gone too! Sighs. oh, and the fuel line is damaged and the car is leaking fuel. I wondered about that!

Total estimate: 1100!!!

I dont have that kind of money! I mean I don't even have enough money right now to pay bills! what the heck am I going to do.

*wanders off to find a suitable place to tear the very last hair out of her head. oh and a wig shop that is giving away an old wig.*

Wednesday, May 16

Triple A Rescue Pack

Thank you to Tony, the man in blue who rescued me today! This morning started with a yee haw... Woke up late, but we got out the door on time! Arrive at the daycare to drop off my son, and locked my keys in the car! So, called on the trusted Triple A peeps. I swear that is the best $50 you could ever spend. Seriously. I think even if i had a brand spanking new car, I would still give those people money every year, just in case.

Of course the fun part of this was sitting in the daycare (which is actually in this womans home) with the kids, watching Diego (awwww RESCUE PACK, comin' to the rescue)! They are always so enamored when a parent is in the room. Interaction between children really lays out what it is all about. If you don't have kids, spend a day at the park and watch them. It brings about a kind of peace knowing that we all come from these beginnings. And reminds us what the really important things in life are; smiles, tickles, family and friends! And a big cup of water never hurts.

Hope your days are full of smiles and no need for rescue.

Tuesday, May 15

The Ball Excercise

Pilates... YEA! Can you say butt and thigh torture? Because that is what it is. And I am totally looking forward to going again tonight. I know that any kind of burn in that area is what I desperately need. It helps that the teacher is a total nut! She sings, laughs, tells stories, makes jokes, and makes it worth going to. Now if I could get myself to do a hundred or more sit-ups a day that sure would help.

Motivation is my biggest struggle. I need someone to encourage me, give me pep talks. Ohh I know, that someone should be ME! :giggles:

Anyone else do pilates? Love it or hate it?

edit: I love that class! I am dying to make it all way through. I will take a before and after picture. come back in one year to see what it looks like! :wink:

Monday, May 14

Mothers' Day

Was uneventful! Spent some webcam time (my mommies day present from folks) with auntie, went grocery shopping with crying three year old, went to the beach, that was pretty relaxing, got home, made some dinner, and vegged in front of the pre-school DVD TV. (that is what has become of my viewing time.)

Thank God three year old went to bed early. I had a few minutes to myself, and talked to a friend. unfortunately that wound me up and i couldn't sleep. and when I did, it was only for a few hours. Trying to stay physically motivated to day as not to fall into a coma! :lol:

The next two weeks should provide great blogging, as I have company starting wednesday this week, and my parents come into town for a week the following wednesday.

can you say, bye bye personal time!? It's going to be great fun actually! Watch for pics and stories.

thank god I ate lunch. I am feeling much better.


I got into an argument with someone last night, and they hung up on me. This isn't the first time. No matter what happens, don't ever hang up on someone. Especially someone you say you "love". I have done it myself, and regret the consequences.

Turns out that no matter what I say, I am going to be "in the wrong" here. Because my actions are being perceived as something they are not. They are being based on a level of expectations that have nothing to do with me. I have tried to explain my stance, only to be met with, You don't know what you are talking about. (when mostly I was talking about myself).

I don't know where to go from this. I have been disrespected by two people I thought were my friends. I don't know where or how to deal with the pain of that. But I do have to realize that I am only capable of changing myself, and not others.

I hate mondays.

Thursday, May 10

What I want for Mothers Day

I don't want much. Because I don't really like Mothers day. It reminds me that there will be no celebration on Father's Day. And also that some day soon, I will have to try and explain why there is no daddy. So today while I was working out I figured out a few things to ask for on this Mother's Day.

1. I want this stupid F*cking war to be over. What is the purpose of our young men dying? We are not gaining freedom, nor are we gaining lower oil prices. Instead of spending money on this war, why don't we develop affordable energy alternatives to oil?

2. I want one gallon of Bliss Lemon Sage Soapy Sap. mmmmmmm lemon and sage... or just about anything lemon & sage from bliss.

3. MAID! can you hear me universe? I need a maid. Even if its someone that watches austin so I can clean properly... I need some assistance.

4. Some room in my budget for a vacation. yea I need some time off. And a few days away from the pressures of everyday existance as a single parent.

5. Sleep. I have been getting more and more, but.. I would love uninterrupted, no regime, no wake up time sleep.

I am a very lucky woman. I feel so honored and blessed with good health, good friends, and a perfect place I call home. I love my little guy, and just spending time with him is going to be the best mother's day prezzie of all.

What do you other mothers desire? Besides a little peace?

Wednesday, May 9


So Songbird has tagged me to create a 7 Things meme. She say's its for luck. We will see how that pans out, but, none the less, away we go!

Seven things about me that may surprise you:

1. I was an acolyte in my church. One of the first girls to do this in our church in the 60's.

2. I learned to swim very early. I was on the swim team from age 5- 18, I also lettered for our freestyle relay team. yea. We went to state, and I was one fourth of a winning team.

3. I was in the marching band in Jr. High and orchestra in High School. (do i sound like a geek yet?) I played the flute. I don't own one now, and wish I did. I think music is a religion all its own. I have had many debates on this subject. (since this is the music theme, I also play guitar, and sing. I wish I would do that more often)

4. I was in drama my last two years of High School (including summer theater), I wish I would have started that much earlier in my life, and continued after. I enjoyed all aspects of drama. Set making, rehearsals, and performances.

5. I have moved a lot in my life. I am semi-nomadic, and I love that about myself. It sure has made me realize so much about the people that inhabit our world. All that said, I feel like I have finally settled in a place I could put down some roots. (Had a long talk with myself about that yesterday, look for an upcoming blog)

6. I have an idea of something i would love to accomplish in this life. A business idea that I am working on mentally right now, so it will start growing in the real world. My first project will include many smiles.

7. I truly believe in the universe manifesting everything you need. Even if its bad, there is a reason for everything that happens. It just comes down to the choosing.

and a general note: I love my little man. I hope that we find him a daddy and a sibling someday. His real father is no where to be seen or heard from. Sad that. His loss.

I guess I should tag some pholks. Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Loops, Anna, Cindy D, EARL!, Slyde, and Sniper Kitty. These are people I would like to learn more about!

Thanks for playing! Bring it on home bloggers!!

Tuesday, May 8

Our Beloved Steve

Has left the building. No more the daily blogger from the Steve Novak.

When I read his last post, it reminded me of this song. Does anyone else absolutely adore Laurie Anderson?

I met this guy
and he looked like might have been
a hat check clerk at an ice rink.
Which, in fact, he turned out to be.
And I said: Oh boy. Right again. Let X=X.
You know, it could be you.
It's a sky-blue sky.
Satellites are out tonight.
Let X=X.
You know, I could write a book.
And this book would be thick enough to stun an ox.
Cause I can see the future and it's a place - about 70 miles east of here.
Where it's lighter.
Linger on over here. Got the time? Let X=X.
I got this postcard.
And it read, it said:
Dear Amigo - Dear Partner.
Listen, uh - I just want to say thanks. So...thanks.
Thanks for all the presents.
Thanks for introducing me to the Chief.
Thanks for putting on the feedbag. Thanks for going all out.
Thanks for showing me your Swiss Army knife.
and uh - Thanks for letting me autograph your cast.
Hug and kisses. XXXXOOOO.
Oh yeah, P.S.
I feel
feel like
I am
in a burning building
and I gotta go.
Cause I
I feel
feel like
I am
in a burning building
and I gotta go.

Thanks for the laughs friend. Onward into the real world... Let X=X


This is the first time since I have started temping at my company, before I started full time, that I have absolutely nothing to do! I mean I have one little job to complete, which will take me all of an hour, tops.

What I decided this morning is to search for Photoshop tutorials online, and polish up some of my skills. Anyone got a site to link to?

and speaking of bored, can you tell me what is wrong in this picture?

Poor Brad Penny. Its hard to see here, but on the front page of the Santa Barbara News Press sports page, about 3x4 image, Brads drawers are not zipped. May have been an amazing performance, but for some reason the Associated Press decided to distribute this picture almost exposing the cup.

Whats his momma gonna say? :giggles:

Sunday, May 6

Nun Beach Sunday

Nuns on the Beach
Originally uploaded by memsahib 313.
We went to the beach for the day. Got a little crispy, but not too bad. I was so glad to have my little point and shoot digital when the sisters came out to look at and appreciate what a gorgeous day it was today.

I wish I could have talked to them, but they disappeared as quickly as they came.

happy monday to all.

Thursday, May 3


How ironic. the MALE was doing all the talking here. She was slightly wagging her tail in protest. I took this picture at Alice Keck Memorial Botanical Gardens. Check out my photo blog for details.

Wednesday, May 2


i can't blog right now. I have to do private jouraling.

please bear with me.

i will be back.