There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Thursday, June 14

Sitting in a Hole

So today I was looking at a picture of a friend. He is sitting in a chair, and I am looking at the side of his face. I found myself thinking, Look at me!!! Just turn around and look at me. Then I realized, after that brief moment of sheer uncontrollable insanity passed, he wasn't going to turn around because its a picture for christsake! sighs.

Today, I feel like I have fallen into a hole. A hole that I have dug for myself. Maybe I created it as a resting spot. Or a place to put the things I don't want to think about. Or a place to put things I don't have TIME to think about. After this dream I had last night, I keep waiting for some kind of BOMB to drop on me around 4 today. Maybe I feel like I have to have all the answers before 4 this afternoon.

Damn voices in my head have crawled into the hole and started stirring things up. And I am not sure if I will surface today before I clean up a few things down in the cylindrical, self loathing, put off as long as you can, face reality bitch, dungeon, hole!!!!!

Sighs. I love to love, but today? It's an "All in Vain" kinda day. Why do I even bother... whimper. *goes to the gym to punch some stuff*


  1. oh man...i HEAR YA! i know exactly, EXACTLY what you're talking about. i hit it a couple weeks ago. and i keep waiting for that other shoe to drop (ok, maybe not a bomb, and i don't have an actual TIME i think it is going to happen) and it sucks. the old pessimist in me instead of optimism that i need right now.

    anyway it isn't about me. i just wanted to tell you i totally know how this feels...

  2. Oh, you're all introspective today. Holes can be good, but at some point you have to come out for some sunshine (and punching too, if you like). (but not me, I bruise easily)

  3. ...turns and looks right at you

  4. Didn't you post an anti-angst post, like...yesterday?

    Just curious. Enjoyed this post, though.

  5. Rebecca: thanks for the commeradory... :HUGS:

    Jay: Punching the bag at the gym. no need to hurt anyone else. just knock out some demons

    Hairy: Finally! someone is looking at me!

    EArl: aw shucks... you cutie pie. ;-)

  6. dammit, I hate it when those little voices try to invade my comfort zone....

    I hope you gave that punching bag a work out!

  7. take a deep breath, hold it, hold it and breath holler like a banshee.

    Hugs, Zissy

  8. goddess: turned on the music and punched it out on the treadmill.

    zissy: how do you know that is what I do! and you know, the little man has adopted this habit now... :HUG: