There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Tuesday, July 31

I am not sure

that I am capable of true love. I not sure I am capable of really being open enough to my own heart to expose it to someone else without hiding a part of me. The two or three times I have completely opened up, I have been hurt, physically and emotionally. And I am becoming bitter, well, maybe not bitter so much as reactionary. I see it in my actions towards the little things that happen in day to day life.

Here is a poem I wrote that was inspired by a conversation with an "at that time" good friend. Do you ever feel that full circle? Today is a full circle day. Yea. Part of my life has come back, full circle. Reminding me of a time when I should have walked away, instead of waiting till I had to run. Sometimes even the most difficult lessons are the hardest to keep fresh so you don't repeat them, because the pain was so deep.

I said to my friend today, men suck, you just have to learn what level of suck-age you are willing to live with. There really isn't a substitute. I asked my magic eight ball, does he really love me? Never trust the "wisdom" of the magic eight ball. Ever. stoopit magic eight ball. :giggles:


  1. just because you haven't experienced true love yet doesn't mean you're not capable. you are.

    and you're right. you have to figure out how much you're willing to live with.

    make no mistake, they think living with us all the time isn't easy, either. they don't get our logic. we don't get their...well, you know. all their stuff *giggles*

  2. When you're in love, make sure you love yourself more. :)

  3. rebecca: thanks for the perspective. So appreciate it. I was venting and not being my "true" self. I hope that once true love arrives, i will be prepared for it. :mucho hugz:

    blurry: such an excellent point. I am actually halfway through life, and just realizing this. slow learner. :giggles: