I am happy to know I am the kind of person people feel like they can lean on when they need some strength. A good friend of mine called me this morning weeping. Deep long screeches, and moans. I knew what was happening before she told me. Then she said, "momma is gone". I cried. I knew her mother. Once a beautiful, sexy woman, intelligent, sassy, and wise. I also knew after being around her for a brief period, it was only a matter of time. Her diet was so so, she smoked like a chimney, and drank a lot of caffeine.
I sat with my friend, on the phone as long as I could, until she had to go. All I could think of was I wanted to be there just to hold her hand for a couple of days. And make sure that she was eating, and sleeping. And getting dressed, and getting out of bed, and take her mind off things for a minute or two. Take her for a long walk on the beach and ask her questions about her mom. Help her remember, help her forget. I am sad that I don't have the ability to go and be with her.
I feel like I do have a few good friends, she is one of them. Most of the time I feel painfully alone. My friend Wilene would tell me that I am picking the people in my life for a reason. That I am feeling alone, because I pick people that can't commit to being my friend. She maybe partially correct in saying that.
There are a few friends that can't be there for me. Some that are only there when they need something. Others that would be there for me whenever I needed them, night or day. But the one person who wants to wash away my tears at the end of the day is missing. I don't know that I have ever found that in any of my relationships. But in the end we all go out alone.
I hope my friend C. finds someone to help her heal her pain in these coming weeks. Despite this woman's demeanor or character flaws, she has lost her mother. And she deserves the shoulder and a strong friend to remind her what she has gained from her mother, despite her passing.
RIP Bernadette. I hope you have found peace.