There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Friday, September 28

Remaining Positive

The most reflective part of my day is while driving. Its the time of day when I have time to focus on whats up with me. Despite all the other people on the road, driving is a meditative process for me. Left, Right, stop, go, fairly simple. I actually can reflect and hear myself thinking. So this morning during driving meditation time, I was sparked with an awareness of my negativity. Yea. Its annoying.

I found myself saying things that were negative and oppressive. You are late, because you can't ever be on time, you are lazy, etc. I caught it. Realized it was happening. This is a rare occurrence when I actually stop beating me up. I felt so proud of myself at that moment. Then, I thought, look at how you treat yourself. Why would you expect anyone else to treat you better? Start looking at the things that are good about you. Begin with canceling out this "negative about self" speech.

Now granted, I am imperfect, being human and all. There are times when I am going to flub and falter, and royally muck up the muckity muck. But beating myself up about it is a waste of energy. And its non-productive. Acknowledge and move on. And love thyself without being a martyr. mantra established.

Speaking of the monkey on my back, I have to find a monkey suit (somebody wants to be curious george for halloween). awesome right?


happy weekends my friends.

Thursday, September 27

Feelin Crappy

Ok, I am sad, not miserably so, but, I am running a slight fever and feel like my nose is full of mud. So I decided not to spread my germs at class tonight. I haven't been sleeping so well, I hope that with a little nyquil, I can make up for that tonight.

see you all tomorrow. :snore:

Wednesday, September 26

Mayor of the Munchkin City...

Cute huh? that is what I first thought of. thanks for the reminder hairy!

tubby horns

Yea. little devil in the bathtub got horns. On another note, I bought the book by Super Nanny. Time to brush up on my parenting skills. (as if i had any to begin with). I wrote a blog all about it on my memsahib visions blog, as blogger, well, was hiccuping all morning.


My last thought of today is, how nice it felt to call a friend that is TRULY down and out. He informed me that he had gotten more bad news. I was calling him to give him some good news.

He said, "I am in the park. I had to get outside, because I got two pieces of bad news."

I said, "Then you are in luck, because here is some good news! Now lay back in the sun, soak up the warmth, and smile. And make a list!"

You could hear his smile for the people that are showing they care. Its not just me, there are some really great people out there helping. I was the lucky one that got to hear the gratitude in his voice. Love does wonders for the soul, truly.

Thanks for that gift universe. I hope that this brings abundance to him and the people involved in more than one way.


Tuesday, September 25

Toothpaste for Dinner

I have seen them before. I was lamenting the fact I didn't get to sleep until 3AM. And while looking for an image I came across a couple that I wanted to share.

anyway, I am too d*mn tired to type today. I will be lucky not to fall into a coma on the commute home.

this one kind of scared me. :eek:

see you tomorrow. :yawn:

Monday, September 24



are you diggin my mad kartwheelin' skillz? yea. I did that. isn't the kid a hoot? trying to understand the physics? awesome. :cool:

happy monday everyone. hope you had wonderful weekends.

Friday, September 21


So, I had drawing class last night. My second class. For some really odd reason, I didn't feel like going. Now I know that was all mental, so decided to stop and get a brew on the way to class. I arrived early, got a parking space right in front of the door, opened my beer, turned on Patty G and enjoyed a few minutes of guilty pleasures. Taking some deep breathes, singing, and calming myself down.

One of the reasons I think I was so reluctant, it was the first night I was going to have to put up my work for critique. Now, I am not the worst artist in the class, so that makes me feel pretty good! I could be the second or third to worst, I can live with that. I am there to learn, and experience. Absorb the abilities of the others in the room. And make new artist friends. ha!

So doing much better last night with the quick sketches. Its interesting that no matter what you are doing creatively, you still have boundaries that make you feel more comfortable. The first night, i did sketches on LARGE pieces of paper. I didn't have time to fill up that space, and was beating myself up trying to do that. Getting lost. So last night, I cut up smaller squares, and could actually fill up the space with most of the figure and not waste time. I am glad I found that one out.

Then, on to the longer poses. I have a hard time actually seeing what is in front of me. I tend to exaggerate or minimize things. And proportion? Anyone that has taken a drawing class understands the proportion, and foreshortening, etc, difficulties. Practice. I need more practice. I got three fairly good drawings. And the teacher actually complimented me while I was drawing. YIKES!

Critique time, I select one. One that I liked... and my new friend Joan liked too. I put it up on the board. It was one of the last images to be critiqued. The two words that came out of his mouth that encouraged me, was surreal, and good line quality. In my opinion it was kind of ghostlike and unfinished. One step at a time. Soon I will be drawing all over the walls, and stuff!

OK. I am drawing. Its getting better. And I am not the worst one in the class. YES!!!!

I am really a fairly simple girl... or should I say woman? no matter. The little things really do make me happy.

Thursday, September 20

I need a roll in the hay.

Yes. There. I said it. No going back. Fall always makes me want to cuddle up on the couch, in bed, under a blanket at the football games. Wanting to hibernate with a loved one. Fall makes me think of snuggling.

Oh well... Somewhere beyond the sea, somewhere waiting for me... :whistle:


totally unrelated thought. I think ani defranco has awesome lyrics... but I can't stand her music and lyrics together. it makes me want to break things... like my earphones or plates or anything. sorry ani, you are grating and irritating. I keep giving you a shot, but cest la vie. we are not meant to be.

there. cleansed.

Wednesday, September 19

Avast me Hearties

Today is...

International Talk Like a Pirate Day.
In keepin with the theme, here are some pick up lines to use when you go out drinkin with yer mateys... ARGG!!!

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

For the Guys...

10. Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Top Ten Pickup Lines for the Lady Pirates

10. What are YOU doing here?

9. Is that a belayin' pin in yer britches, or are ye ... (this one is never completed)

8. Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

7. So, tell me, why do they call ye, "Cap'n Feathersword?"

6. That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!

5. Aye, I guarantee ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me "lice ratio!"

4. I've crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!

3. C'mon, lad, shiver me timbers!


1. You. Pants Off. Now!

I think number 8 on the ladies list is my favorite. And I like number one on the mens list. :giggles:

yo ho ho let's share a bottle of Rum! :arggggg:

and if that wasn't enough, here is my pirate name.

My pirate name is:

Mad Jenny Kidd

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from
part of the network

Tuesday, September 18

Money Meditation

The other day there was a brief quiet moment in my apartment. No child noises, no TV noises, no outside noises... I was sitting staring out the window thinking about how I need some financial assistance with this life I am trampling through. A voice in my head, just laid out this thought for me. It said, there are enough oranges on the tree to feed everyone. No more, no less. I kind of freaked out for a minute. Then I realized it was just a peaceful voice, reassuring me. I have no idea where it came from. Hadn't heard it before. The message made so much sense to me at that moment, my mind stopped thinking about it.

I realized that my concerns about money were just concerns. I also realized that I should be grateful for what I do have. And I am. So... stop looking at the tree and see the oranges. yep.

"gotta do that HI. Ed's got her hands full here with this little angel."

Monday, September 17

Nittin Swahney

Now what rock have I been hiding under for the last few years, I haven't been able to enjoy this man's music? Send me some if you have any favorites. THANKS!

edit: I just purchased Philtre through ITunes, because I love that song Mausam. I have no idea what she is saying, but I LOVE it. Give it a listen...

Sunday, September 16


I was thinking about something the other day. Thinking about a friend of mine, well, someone that used to be my friend. Thinking about some of the things he said to me. And the ambiguity of it all. what was reality in comparison to what was being said. I realized that we all do this. We tell ourselves lies to get past things we don't want to see in ourselves. And the people that are truly the most secure with themselves find no need to lie. Flaws are human. I accept them. But I also use them as an excuse to be selfish and self centered. Sh*t. I hate growing up. It takes all the fun out of being irresponsible, and negligent to the feelings of others.

I have come up with three or four big lies I tell myself. But not sure that I should talk about them here. One is that I am a loving person. I am not so sure about that one. I know I am capable of love. I know that I can love selflessly, but I do have a side of me that expects the kind of love in return that I give. And maybe its not a lie that I am a loving person. I think its a lie for me to believe that I am as lovable as I see myself.

So I ask you. How honest with yourself are you? I must plant a tree and watch it grow. And honesty is the best fertilizer. Its on my list to create that platform for myself. And when I can't be honest, because it will damage someone? I will find a way to not lie to them.

man. too deep for a monday morning eh? well, i did this on sunday night. ;-)

Saturday, September 15

Final Beach Day

holeI fear this is the last weekend of good beach weather. I love hanging on the beach all day, under the umbrella, playing in the water, relaxing in the sun. getting tan.

sighs. enjoy your peace.


Thursday, September 13

Go Figure

So I decided to take a figure drawing class instead. I really need the practice in sketching and perspective. I was amazed at how quickly that all comes back.

I suck at gestures, but give me a fifteen-twenty minute pose, I do much better!!!

Onward. Watercolors next time around. If I don't get addicted to figure drawing.

more to come.

Wednesday, September 12



You may have seen that painting I put up the other day. A good friend of mine has offered to watch my son one night a week so that I can go to a painting class.

Hallelujah! I have been missing painting for so long now, I can't believe that this opportunity is going to happen for me! I have her to thank. I hope I can find something to help her with someday.

OK. so, which class to choose? I am thinking watercolors. But I will keep you informed as to which I choose to conquer. Its time to start living my passion for art.

and while you wait, here is a SB sunset pic I took last night... enjoy.


Tuesday, September 11

Liz Meme

Another Meme from the Lizbet. This is it for a while people. No more taggin. K? K.

1. Black and White or Color; how do you prefer your movies?
I like both. I do like old Black and White movies, just don't see them as much anymore.

2. What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?
Wow. More than one, but right now? Politics. What a waste of time.

3. MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music? MP3's, and CD's

4. You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?
For one second I would say Hell Yea. But I have a son, and he needs me. And he needs his family.

5. Seriously, what do you consider the world's most pressing issue now?

Ignorance and Prejudice. It makes war possible, it keeps people that are in danger, in danger, it takes food out of the mouths of the hungry, etc. I see these as the biggest issues of mankind.

6. How would you rectify the world's most pressing issue?
I wish I knew. I have no concrete advice on how to rid the world of them. Communication and information dissemination is at a peak, but journalism is still involved with greed and prejudice. How do you end it?

7. You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be? I would have slept with that sculpture artist in college. Yep. And I would have pursued my musical/artistic talents as a career more.

8. You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be? Would have saved Jesus from the cross, made him keep on going. Imagine where religion would be today if it wasn't based on martyrism (is that a word?).

9. A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole' Opry” which do you choose? The opera. I love the opera.

10. What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you'd like to solve? Jack the Ripper.

11. One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal? Interesting. So many choices. I think Mark Twain (or Will Rogers). I love to have lighthearted warm and comical conversations at dinner. Blackened catfish, dirty rice, spinach and egg salad with bacon dressing, Bourbon and cigars. For dessert? pecan pie.

12. You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky - what's the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact? Wait this is hell, because I can't do anything immoral without being punished. (and even people with great hearts and pure souls, get punished). So what is the question again? Oh. I just don't have immorality in me. Although, sleeping with Johnny Depp, who is a married man.. (wink to the I.C.) would be considered immoral. Like he would have me. HA.

13. If you could be anywhere in the world as you are answering this, where would that be?

In bed. In a hotel in Florence. and not alone. with room service. and fluffy robes. and painted toes... (sounds like a song).

I did this because Liz asked me to. If you heathens wanna try it, feel free! I saw it as an easy out for a Monday blog, seeing as I am in a total funk this month so far. Enjoy.

Sunday, September 9

Smiles Ahoy.

Okay, this really sucks. but I am publishing it anyway.

I'm tortured and troubled
I'm living in a bubble,
I am waiting in the blue
& your smile to pull me through.

gone on a ship to another shore
you left me standing at the door
there are waves washing the moment
away to another time from here.

I picked my battle to save myself
I wonder if you care?
have you taken a minute to think
about how you would feel standing here?

one day I was the world,
the oyster that you opened
to find a pearl inside, but now
replaced with a new grain of sand.

i have been closed back in there
dimming one by one the times we shared
my smile came easy when I said your name
and now I shiver by the dying flame.

call me dramatic or poor of sight
but I don't see a way to let go
of something that demands my right
to have a heart that sings my name

out loud in the sun and in the rain
unafraid of resonance, or reverberation
a place for my eyes to rest and relive
the youthful days love reminds us of.

I won't easily forget the day
or the nights that have passed
but i have to keep my hands inside
the ring for now. making a new painting.

smile for me, i don't know
how else to make it right
you have left this to me to carry
so carry it I will now breathing heavy.

Thursday, September 6

A Selection

Just a few quick blurbs for today. Have to get them out of my head, and down on the virtual journal.

Meno posted about an exchange student. And mentioned a japanese schoolgirl mullet. Is this what it looks like?

Someone has hijacked my old Photoblog... How the frack is that possible?

If you want to access the new one, its here.

Does anyone know how to delete blogs? hm....


Poor Slacker keeps asking me to direct people to his blog. I am a bigger slacker than he I am guessing. Here you go buddy. I am informing my few constituents to stray over to your international exploits!


I am considering taking up some form of writing, but not sure which direction to turn. What are your thoughts here readers? Do you have any opinions about my writing style? Now is your time to make them known, good or bad.


Do you ever wonder why things happen, and in a series of unrelated events, all those unrelated happenings, all pieces end up fitting together? I always find that completely intriguing. Happened recently.


I am always excited when I hear from friends that I haven't in a long time. Its good to know someone still remembers you fondly. Exceptions? the kids in High School. I was living at home for a brief time, not to long ago, and ran into a few people that I knew in High School. I couldn't remember anything about them, including thier names. That sucked. Guess I have been living a pretty full life outside that arena. And only a few were really memorable.


OK. thats it. Done with the mundane boredom of it. Had to write, and it is written. Is it FRIDAY yet? sighs.

Tuesday, September 4

Das Interviewing

Some time ago, Ali did an interview blog. I offered myself up as bait. She finally took to it. So the following is a list of questions she posted to me. The rules for completing this meme follow my responses. Lets Begin!!!!

1) You moved from Texas to California a couple of years ago. Are you settled and at home?

I am not sure I am ever going to be the kind of person that is settled. I have moved many different places in the last ten years. I still have belongings in Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and Ft. Myers. I did find myself saying to a good friend the other day though, I feel like I have finally found a home. I don't know exactly how I am going to make it out here, as it is costly. I have some ideas in mind, and in the process of accomplishing those, I get to go to the beach, hang out with some really cool peeps, enjoy a fairly stress free job, and have a really great "tan".

2) Freelance work or 9-5 for The Man?

Being a single mom, I am 9-5 for the Man. The benefits are all that matter for the time being. Plus my job now, is really great, fairly stress free and the people are the best. They treat their employees better than any company I have ever worked for. And I have had myself some good jobs, Neiman Marcus, Ernst & Young, etc. I am going to ride this wave as long as it lasts. Until I start my own "vision" of what my ultimate creative job is. Next year starts that transformation.

3) What is your favorite thing about living where you do?

There are so many wonderful things about this magical spot. But, being a Pisces, with other water signs in my chart, I have to say its the beach. The ocean calls me out of myself. And if you have ever been to Santa Barbara CA, you would feel the richness of this area for yourself. Its an interesting place to breath. And living in a resort town, despite the costs, is kind of relaxing. Most everyone here is really laid back. Now to find my niche in obtaining some of that "tourist" cash flow. :wink:

4) How do you like your "new" D40?

That when it is in my hand, it feels like its a part of me. It fits there so nicely. I happen to believe that Nikon makes the best cameras. I love my camera. LOVE it. Its my escape sometimes. I can tell when I am depressed, because those are the days I don't feel like taking pictures.

As an artist, I create pictures and stories in my head. From the time I was a little girl, I have had some very intense and amazing dreams. And seeing as I don't have time to paint them right now, I am capturing future paintings. I find that photography is the most communicative way for now that I can transfer my visions so that others can understand them. It conveys the beauty, and aspects of life that I observe. No pretense or implications. I just look and snap.

5) If you could have lunch with ANYONE, who would it be?

Sighs. There is a LIST!

Athlete: Babe Didrikson

Actor: Johnny Depp (at the nude beach, with a blanket, an umbrella, some wine, cheese, sunscreen and a guitar.)

musician: Patty Griffin and John Lennon

Historical figure: A philosopher. Confucius

Artist: Rene Magritte and Van Gogh

Religious figure: God. the big entity. I have quite a few questions. :wink:

But, the most feasible of these? In this moment, with no doubts, I have a good friend that lives in Arizona, that I haven't met. I want to be in the same space as this person for just a few minutes. Well, an entire day would be best. :giggles:


Okay dear readers, here is your opportunity to expose yourself to my queries.

Interview rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Are you ready? Game? I hope so. I would really enjoy asking you the questions. Enjoy!


Summer is officially over. Fall is approaching. All visting company has finished for the time being. Hallelujah. I love you sis, thanks for the great weekend!

With that out of the way, today is a landmark day. Today is the first day of junior/mini-me's preschool adventure. He said to me this morning, we are NOT going back to (previous daycare provider's) house. And almost started crying.

I reassured him he was not. He was going to start at the preschool. Then he turned into an energizer/leaping bunny! I will remind him of this day on his first day of school, his senior year. HA!~ (and maybe every year, just so we have some "tradition").

Happy Work Week not actually Monday but Tuesday. :whistle: (that doesn't even make sense to me.)

Monday, September 3

Comment Moderation

Seems I have picked up a scab from another persons blog. A pathetic meddler, who has nothing better to do than to harass others. Unfortunately for my readers, that means I am choosing to moderate my comments, so that you don't have to read the barf he is depositing here.

I appreciate your understanding, and if you want to see who he is, I left one of his comments on the "Daughters" post.

Thanks. Ease on down, Ease on down the road... :whistle: