I was thinking about something the other day. Thinking about a friend of mine, well, someone that used to be my friend. Thinking about some of the things he said to me. And the ambiguity of it all. what was reality in comparison to what was being said. I realized that we all do this. We tell ourselves lies to get past things we don't want to see in ourselves. And the people that are truly the most secure with themselves find no need to lie. Flaws are human. I accept them. But I also use them as an excuse to be selfish and self centered. Sh*t. I hate growing up. It takes all the fun out of being irresponsible, and negligent to the feelings of others.
I have come up with three or four big lies I tell myself. But not sure that I should talk about them here. One is that I am a loving person. I am not so sure about that one. I know I am capable of love. I know that I can love selflessly, but I do have a side of me that expects the kind of love in return that I give. And maybe its not a lie that I am a loving person. I think its a lie for me to believe that I am as lovable as I see myself.
So I ask you. How honest with yourself are you? I must plant a tree and watch it grow. And honesty is the best fertilizer. Its on my list to create that platform for myself. And when I can't be honest, because it will damage someone? I will find a way to not lie to them.
man. too deep for a monday morning eh? well, i did this on sunday night. ;-)