There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Wednesday, October 31

The Companion

This is an entry I posted February 2006. Someday, I will find my companion. I know he is out there, somewhere.

Have I ever been in love? I am wondering. I know that I have made attempts to share my heart with the opposite sex. I have shared my body with the opposite sex. I have been so entranced by the someone that i got lost in its dream and faded away... into a person I didn't wish to be. We all share this story.

Its a story of love. But tell me readers. What is love? Is it the butterflies in your stomach? Is it the way the ass looks as it walks away from you? Is it the breath that caresses your neck as you sleep? The time you lie awake waiting to see those eyes looking at you again? Is there love in those moments? And when they do leave us, does love leave? Not really. Like all great days, the sun sets, and it fades. Its bright beautiful colors growing darker. Filling the corners with its remaining pieces of glitter and momentos. And that finally fades to. But our hearts always hold a piece of that. Like ice frozen in a rock, our love melts but it makes a space that remains with us always.

This week I have observed the evidence of love. And love lost. From the eyes of my women friends, some who are saying goodbye to their visions, perspirations and perpetual heart song flowing out to that other. The promise of the other. The being that completes ourselves. The companion makes life worth living! Reminds us to sing, laugh, shave our legs, paint beautiful dreams with our words to them, about them with them. Sweet sisters. We must remember one thing, without us they would be nothing! And in leaving us for another, they have left themselves without US! A true friend and companion. But such are choices that we have no control over. Hence the pain of the greatest feeling we will ever know.

We find ways to remove ourselves from the pain. From the heartache. Taking down old images and replacing them with mirrors. To remind ourselves of our beauty, our purpose, and our ability to overcome. Until in that mirror we see our light shining again. We put on our amour, and we saddle up to ride again across the wilderness. Looking for the companion. The other. The one that makes us laugh, sing and soar above the old pangs of love. A true, sure and honest companion.

But, damn all this waiting. Its hell on my sex life! ;-)


  1. I remember this time in your life! I wonder what you'll think of the whole thing five years from now, though! What people will have come and gone in your life and what situations will you be facing, good or bad?

    Intriguing, I think!

    Ooooh, nice profile picture!!!

  2. Date. Just keeping on dating. It will happen. I am living proof.

  3. What a great post! I really love the way you write, Melanie.

    In my experience, the "true" love comes when you have decided that you are fine alone, that it would be great but that you don't need anyone to fix or complete you. When you let go of the need, the vision will manifest like ice frozen in a rock that you speak of so eloquently.

    And when you are with the right person, it is like the Red Sea parting -- everything is easy. You don't have to contort yourself to please him because he finds you perfect just as you are.

    I also know that the one who wins you will be getting a real prize, so don't compromise on this. You don't have to.

  4. Jas: Seeing as you have returned to us in the "blogging" hemisphere, i decided to celebrate! I will do a pedicure tonight and update. maybe with sexy shoes on too... :wink:

    CindyD: I look forward to the dating part actually. I haven't really dated much in my life.

    Hearts: :blushes: I really love to write. Sometimes I am inspired and sometimes not.

    Yes and to the point of feeling OK alone? Since moving CA, and the two years I have been here, I feel more like myself than I have since I was in college. Its going to happen, I know. Thanks for your compliment as well. It means a lot coming from you. :hug:

  5. Time takes time, sweets.

    kick back
    enjoy the sun
    winter will be here
    then spring

    - -
    Father Luke

  6. hi father. true words. can you sense how impatient I am? I am like that with most things. must learn to relax more.

    good to see you. :hug: