There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Friday, November 2

Mom in Training

Ok. You ALL know I am a single parent. I love being a mom, 80% of the time. He is a kind sweet little boy, who is so much like me its frustrating sometimes. When it comes to discipline, I fall short of complete actions. I was using techniques that offered results, but not a lasting solution. Bargaining and threatening are lame when it comes to effective discipline or motivation. Those techniques are only good for a brief period of time... when they are really little. As he grows and gains the confidence he needs to live a full life, I need to be able to communicate effectively with him. And that wasn't happening on my end. Not one little bit. I was getting desperate, and frightened that I was losing a battle that may get away from me completely. I sent my little pledge/prayer out to the universe, requesting some insight.

So, while cruising the local parent website, I entered a contest called the Parenting Challenge. And I won! YIPPPEE! One on one counseling sessions with an independent family counselor.

Once a week for the past two weeks, and the next two weeks, I have time with Kristi, from Solutions in Parenting. (I think she needs a website, and I am going to offer that to her, if she wants one.) What an EYE opener! We are talking about parenting not out of exhaustion, but out of active listening and being present with my son. I am CRAZY tired by the end of the day, but still have enough energy to be with the little guy in an emotional state and meet his needs. Oh the things I have been enlightened too. Our challenges are simple, but like she pointed out to me the other day, even if its something simple like getting him to dress himself, this will effect so many other things that happen in our lives. Finding a solution to this requires my attention in how I communicate to him, and motivate him. Making charts that show him what he needs to be putting on, walking through the process with him step by step so he feels confident, etc.

This takes time. And sometimes I feel like I don't have one more second to spare in dealing with this, or should I say I get to the point of, I can't listen to one more person ASKING me for something. That said, taking the time to accomplish this now will save me so much time in the future. And it will solidify the bond that we need to develop to be loving, respectful, and useful for one another.

Parenting is great. But sometimes, like EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE, its work. And I like working. I hope I can do as good a job here as I know I can.

Goal in place. Now to create the strategies and map out some of the elements. No matter the plan, life creates a lot of waves, just like the ocean. I am confident I can keep customizing the surf board until we have more smooth rides than not.



  1. good post!

    you are lucky for winning those counseling sessions. I would love to have someone help me w/ my parenting skills. Lord knows they are lacking.

    Preschoolers are no easy thing either....give yourself a huge pat on the back!

  2. That's awesome that you won those! They sound really insightful. I wish I could get some free therapy! ;)

  3. You'll always be a mom in training. Anyway my own mother felt that way, for sure. Cowabunga indeed!

  4. m!! how awesome! sounds like you're in the right frame of mind and that this winning has been a godsend! good for you!

  5. There are definitely days when being a mommy is just the same as cleaning the house. It's hard and uninspiring. And it's those hard days that lead to feeling guilty and like the worst mommy ever. More challenging than anything I've ever known. Good for you for taking this step. Trying and learning is half the battle. You're an awesome mother!

  6. goddess: the real answer is if you keep trying and you love them, you are doing a great job. I know you are an awesome mom. Don't be too hard on yourself.

    karma: keep sending out your desires to the universe in a positive manner. You will get what you need if you do.

    C: Heck yea! I mean I am still a human in training too, never felt otherwise. I mean how boring to feel like you know everything!

    rebecca: :hug: I really have been muy blessed since coming to CA. This entire transition was conspired by "god" (or whatever that supreme being or entity of collective love is called).

    kat: heres one way to look at it. Do you love them? Do they love you? Then you have won the battle. there are people out there abusing their children in unmentionable ways. YOU are not. Pat yourself on the back for being an awesome mom yourself.

  7. I need the help as well. Been considering counseling for a while now... maybe I'll do it.

    Can you share some more of you ah-ha moments when you have them?

  8. I think more people should get help with their parenting. It's not like there's a manual or anyone has all the answers, after all. Good for you! I'm glad it's helping you feel more on top of the whole thing, and helping the Little Guy too.

    I hope when my turn comes I'll remember to be humble enough to get help raising my little guy/gal. (And no, that's not a hint of announcements to come.)

  9. marni: I will work on it. She suggested I start a parent journal. I haven't done that yet. bad mommy!

    winter: its all about the love man. seriously. If i didn't love him, i wouldn't care. easy to be humble when you love someone. (or at least that is the way I see it) find a soulmate first... tee hee....

  10. What an awesome contest to win! Yay for you and the little one!

  11. there are days when i can't get enough of my son...

    and there are days, like this past saturday, when i thank god we have a WII that i can plop him in front of for a bit while i cool down...

  12. cindy: yes. i am grateful!

    slyde: oh man. I was sick yesterday and he was on a NO, tirade... i wanted to strangle him. TV lasts only so long I have figured out.

  13. Cool! Yeah, being a parent is tough. I use the 1-2-3 method which seems to work wonders.

    No discussion, no explanations. When she does something wrong, I say "That's one" and hold up a finger. If she continues, "That's two". ON the third count she puts her nose in the corner for six minutes (for her age).

    Next time, when I count one, she straightens up right away!


  14. cyber bro: I love it. Someone else suggested this too... Talking to him seems to help but only for a while.

    xo whats up for thanksgiving this year!?

  15. Not really sure. Probably same place. You?

  16. no plans as of yet. thinking of sitting right down at my own table, and not driving anywhere! But I will be thinking about how much fun it was that year.