There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Saturday, January 26

todays thought.

Sometimes we should have the opportunity to make time stand still and embrace the experience for just a min longer. Because we aren't quite ready to let go.

in response to some thoughts i had today. about a man and a girl.

check out the interview. (down arrow here)

Friday, January 25

The Great Interview ala Citizen Neil

Sighs. This is an entry that started with my fav LA Citizen Neil. He started it. Blame him. I commented right after cookiebitch (She is a meaty read, you should check her blog), so she was bestowed the honor of perusing my stamp on the net, and coming up with some questions that will in turn be flavored with my obvious surrealistic, idealistic, un-homogonistic responses.
Onto to the revelation!!!

1. Your nickname is Memsahib. How did you get that and what does it mean?

I used to be a constant on my all time fav radio station, They have a section of forums, journals, all kinds of great music info links, etc. (And some of the finest people I have ever met) One day after a particular "RP Get Together", I mentioned in a forum that I never had a nickname. A fine lady set up a journal taking a poll of what that nick should be. (That was an interesting list!) My Photo Guru Indian friend come up with Memsahib. Mem being my initials, and my Tag on the site,and he added the sahib (memsahib - noun 1. formerly, a term of respect a female white European in colonial India) I resemble that remark. I found out there is a movie i must obtain a copy!

2. You have four blogs - the one I spent the most time is "Not Just Nouns and Verbs." But it also seems you have a blog for your son, a blog for your photography, and a blog for your dreams (which you should link to here when you post this on your site) How did all these blogs come about, in what order, and how do you keep them all straight? Are there other blogs you'd like to begin, and what would they be like?

When I was in College they called me two names; Space Fox and Spaz... I guess only the Spaz stuck. I blame ADD and lack of decent medication. Plus the fact my brain doesn't stop really. MY mind works in shifts. Most times parallel shifts. All thoughts on different tracks and levels,but in the same dimension. Like those multi level checker games... you can you see it? Feel my pain? So i find that instead of keeping a journal, i can get that schmeg out of my head more rapidly online, on different boards.

ANYWAY. I started blogging for the first time when pregnant. The original was very poetic and rich. I was at a low spot then. That blog has actually become my photo blog. I wanted to keep it alive, as there is some good writing over there. I decided to start a fresh one after I moved from TX to CA (obvious reasons) which has become Not Just Nouns & Verbs. The title is descriptive of my style. Always more to know than what is written. Lots of in between the lines. The blog about my son, well, thats obvious! I don't have a lot of time to do writing in a "baby book".

The Wordpress blog, memsahib visions, is where I can say things I wouldn't say here. More hardcore FU kind of land. I sometimes find the need to just get stuff out, that may not be relevant to reality, and I do like to have a little spot i can speak in whispers or shouts. without much fan base.

3. What have you always wanted to blog about, but haven't - either because you're too afraid, it's too controversial, or you just don't know how to do it justice or put it into words?

I really don't hold much back. I have spent many years in recovery and therapy trying to alleviate my self esteem issues. If you ask me I will tell you. I think maybe a more relevant question would be where would I like to see all these come together and what can I accomplish here? Thats the step I am at and contemplating.

4. You write as yourself. But how does your blog (or blogs) differ from you as a person? Is there something people would be surprised to know about you after reading your blogs?

as I said above, there isn't much I hide. I found out one day while staring at myself in the mirror, hiding doesn't suit me. What I need to work on is boundaries! things you may not suspect of me...

a) I lettered my senior year in swimming, the freestyle relay. We had some fast gals in my school.
b) I always wanted to be a DJ. but realized the money would suck. and I didn't like the culture of music at the time.
c) When I was a little girl, my grade school took us to the police station for a day trip. When one of the officers were talking about guns, and gun safety, He showed us what a magnum bullet does to a phone book. A small entry in front and explodes out the back, like a cone. At that very moment, I had to run out of the building and I puked on the front lawn. Ever since then the sound of guns, or gunshots makes me physically ill.
d) I believe in reincarnation.

5. You have a rather lengthy blogroll (which includes me, by the way - thanks!). But if you are having a really busy day, which two blogs can you not live without, and why? What kind of blogs don't you like?

Love the FADDAH. But i go there to read his poetry. Love Post Secrets.

Most others I drift around through.. off and on, i visit them all in a weeks time. Neil ain't too shabby either. (shout out for the citizen)

6. You are into art and photography. How does blogging fit into your artistic endeavors? What artistic itch does blogging scratch?

The way i see things in life isn't really different from other people, but do like putting things together the way someone else may not see it. Through out my life, i have had people say to me you know how to use a unique word in a phrase that makes me stop and think. So i guess its just an ability to blend words and create images. And I am a freakin chatty cathy in real. so... there it is. blah blah blah.

7. What post you are most proud of and why? Show me a link.

I wrote some damn fine poetry. But that muse is history. This piece about companions, well thats my heart right there.

8. What makes your blog (blogs?) unique from others?
not much. except that its mine. and that no one else has put up a pic of themselves doing a kartwheel. Or daydreamed about a guy at the TACO joint.

9. If you were to cast yourself in a movie, who would you choose?

good question! i may have to think about that for a while.

DIANE LANE! from streets of fire. (was going to say Haley berry, but can't for obvious reasons.) I also think I am a bit Stockard Channing too. I would LOVE to be Nicole Kidman, except for all that Christian scientist crap.

10. Who do you admire most, and why?

People that are wise, honest, real, trustworthy, generous, intelligent and honorable. I don't have much use for idols. I prefer the everyman and the daily struggles we all overcome. The everyday heroes. If I had to choose someone whose life I would like to have for a day? Oprah. I want to be able to interview people and have TUNZ of money and influence to do good.

wow. did you make it this far without falling into a coma? YOU friend deserve a scooby snack. thanks to cookie for coming up with some great questions.

Wednesday, January 23


"Kindness cannot be taught by harshness - not by any amount of harshness."
~Raymond M. Smullyan, "The Tao is Silent"

This is an original Melanie. I had a night alone the other night, and actually picked up a pencil and started sketching. How wonderful that was. I can't do that with 1,000,000 questions and needs being tossed at me, faster than I can respond. It was a good beginning.

what do you see? It reminded me of an old poem, Out of the Cave, which I am sure you all have read.

be well. stay focused. forget the pain. namaste.

The weather

Okay. Its finally here. The weather that I have been missing since I left TX. We are forcasted for rain all week long. WOOO HOOO!

Go weather, make it wet. Real wet. Want to see flowing streams this summer when I start taking the mini me on hikes. Time to get him out of doors and moving!

note to self: buy little guy his own umbrella. and maybe some wellies.

Tuesday, January 22

Interrupted due to Visitors & Illness

Sorry about the delay of decent posting in these here parts. I am sick as a dawg, and had my family visiting this weekend! Thats my bro and his nephew.

Hope all had lovely weekends. Another post coming soon. Have a few thoughts about traveling. Wondering how I can get to all the places I want to go.


Wednesday, January 16

The Tink Sporks.

Thank you to Ms. Tink for the shout out. I don't mind being compared to a spanish soap. Always thought of myself as a surrealist. i see it as a compliment.

Tuesday, January 15


When did talking to someone, sharing your thoughts and feelings, with no expectation or commitment, become a crime? A reason to isolate someone from your life?

Have we gotten so disconnected that we dont have any feelings whatsoever? I asked the angels the other day to keep the people out of my life that cant be friends to me. Always be ready for what you ask for.

I really feel sorry for my little man. He wont have a world of compassion or truth. He wont have the magic we learned in the sixties or seventies. People are self absorbed and imperialistic. I pray that one day without religion, or prejudice, i will be able to help restore the faith of people in the power of connection within each other.

Monday, January 14


Today, I am thinking about time. We have been put on time clocks at work. I am no good at time constraints. Believe me when I tell you this. I don't know if its the discipline of it, or the fact that I believe the measurement of time is a freaking joke. Time is an illusion people. No matter what "time" we place a sunset or a sunrise, it still happens. Time is a measurement so WE human beings feel like we are in control of something. A comfort level of sorts. So the bean counters can calculate what it costs. So managers have a handle on employees. So that everyone can meet somewhere at a specific "time".

I know measuring it is necessary and reasonable. To label this space with increments we call time. But truly it makes me laugh when I think about how insane it is that people get so worked up over it. You can't change things by timing them. You only place them in a slot so you feel like you have some control over the infinite universe we live in.

So have you wasted enough "time" reading this? then go. ponder. realize what time means to you. I would love a life to do things in the way they approach without a time constraint. How much would that reduce our stress? Oh well. EFFICIENCY!!!!!

Its all an illusion set to rolling by those that want to define and delegate. Not by mannerist artists like myself.

Take that. CARL SAGAN! where are you now? What do you think about time?

(Saw him speak one time in Dallas. Impressive how many people asked him question did he believe there was life on other planets. His final response, and not in a frustrated manner, "There is no proof of life on other planets. We should worry about life on this planet instead of proving there is life on another. What about ignorance and poverty?", he replied. Carl was a wise one.)

Tuesday, January 8


I could write down a list of resolutions, make up some kind of babble about what I want from myself this year. But I know me. The real me is flaky, idealistic, full of love and hope. She doesn't want to be pinned down by inability. I have chosen to believe in myself again. My resolution is to keep her safe. To make her a healthier mom. She needs to give more with a smile than with a scowl.

Hence If there was a list?
Healthier foods. Make sure to put them in there.
Take opportunities when they cross my path.
Learn to not fight the endings.
Continue to embrace the new beginnings.
Make sure the people I love know that I love them.
Train a young man to respect women.
Find a smile in the eyes of another.

Get some sex. Hell yea! And sing loudly so that I can spread the word, i deserve to be loved. and worshiped. not treated like a painting on a wall.

Nuff said, compadres!

and father? I promise by the end of the month, I will belly up to the bar and put up me playing a little ditty on the guitar! just for you cuz youz so sexy! :giggles: :cool:

Friday, January 4

The New Year

Happy New Year all my buddies! Sorry I have been slacking in my duties. I was having a vacation from all serious endeavors, and thought. Just playing with a kid and making merry.

Resolutions to come. Just wanted to put up an update. For now.

happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy...