There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Friday, February 1

Random MeMe

Rebecca has tagged me for the seven random things about you meme. Sorry. More things about me you didn't want to know coming up.

1.) I had an operation for a deviated septum in my early 30's. I never knew you could wad up so much bandages into such a small hole. I couldn't breathe out of my nose for two days. and when he took it out? i almost puked. i breathe a little better now, but he said, you will always have polyps... great!

2.) When I was a little girl, I had a hard time going to sleep because all the dolls in the room my sister and I shared were lined up against the wall, and I felt like they were staring at me. And that they would come alive at night when everyone was sleeping. I hated dolls. (i have a barbie and ken story, but thats only for the personal diary. ken hated barbie, and he told her so.)

3.) I had a really hard time riding a bike as a kid! whenever I got on it I would fall off and get a scab. I was much better on skates. And was pissed, when I worked at the sonic in high school, that I couldn't be the girl out there serving the customer on skates. But seeing as I was probably the smartest of all the chicks that worked there, I had to do the register.

4.) I love to sing. do it all the time. In the shower, in the car, with my kid, making up little songs... Wish I had gotten some training in school, and doing something more professional with it now.

5.) When I was a little girl in grade school, the teacher had a ruler above the chalk board, it was actually just to lay out numbers from 1-100. I remember looking at it time and time again. I had a hard time in school (ADD remember?). And what sticks out in my mind is that while i was looking at it, certain areas of the numbers were darker than others, like shades of grey. (this wasn't actually on the chart this is what my mind created as I looked at it.) I still have a faint memory of it. I always wondered if that was going to be some kind of foreshadowing over my life. which years would be harder than others. seems to be holding true to this day. I am heading out of the dark area now, and no more dark did i see up to 100. interesting huh?

6.) I think I am afraid of ever having a relationship again. I have been physically beaten by men, verbally abused, and walked all over (some of this is my fault,and I realize that). At this point in time, I don't trust myself, and I don't trust men. I am having a hard time being comfortable enough to move on and trust someone. (Oh I lost my virginity at age 19 to a man I didn't even like. hows that for a kicker!? i only did it with him because I didn't want to get attached to anyone. Just wanted to have sex. it sucked. :wink:)

7.) I didn't cry when my pets died. I am not sure why that is. The times I cried was when the dog got so bad with cataracts that she didn't recognize me, and almost bit my hand. Thats when I realized someday she would be gone. Thats when I cried. I even saw the golden retriever get his neck broke while chasing the car (that dog was dumb.. sweeet, but dumb). And I didn't cry till i saw how hurt my dad was. Maybe I am missing a gene.

sheesh. this is REVEAL week isn't it? Did i leave anything out? Now seems to be the time to ask. If you want to know something, ask me. I am in "revelation" mode.

edit: i am a total dork. I love that song by the georgia satellites, keep your hands to yourself. :giggles:

happy weekends.


  1. I was terrified of having a relationship ever again too. And now I pretty much am. And I'm still terrified at moments but otherwise I'm incredibly happy. You'll get to that point, girl. Hugs!

  2. Yes, this has been revealing. Thanks for sharing, I think it takes bravery.

  3. very revealing! good for you. i'm sure it wasn't easy revisiting so many of those things, but it's cathartic sometimes, right?

    and anyway - i have a close friend who will always have nose polyps. it isn't fun. i feel for you.

    thanks for playing with me! :)

  4. karma: so far in a years time! good to see you smiling. xo

    jay: thanks for the brave comment. i mostly feel like everyone can see it anyway, might as well tell it my way.

    becca: ty for putting me up to the challenge. xo

  5. you and I are total soul sisters on #4!

  6. #6. I was there. Was never going to actually care about anyone again. It gives them too much power.

    I fell so totally into it that I was there before I realized what it was. I figured something out though - though people had the power to hurt me in the past I have never truly and totally been in love with someone before. Despite the fact that I could get hurt - it's worth it to allow your heart to really love someone. I would have waited a lifetime for 5 minutes of this. It scary as hell - but worth it. No doubt about it.

  7. I was in several abusive relationships and had given up on men. I was even fine with the idea of remaining alone, and that is when I met my present husband who is such a kind, sweet man that even my children love him.

    I think the right person comes along when you're not looking.

    Realizing that you deserve to be treated well is the first step. Take good care of your wonderful self, Melanie.

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  9. So, it's because you like that song that you are a dork? uh oh...

  10. So well is this pain described on that Carrie Underwood song, Because of You.

    I appreciate You sharing this -- perhaps it will help someone else who is struggling.