There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Monday, March 31

I am abandoning feelings (for Monday)

First? Coffee... ah... Semi-Human...

Life has been a series of tidal waves lately. My upcoming move, my ankle evaluation, the ongoing toddler battles, my camera, my finances and my tooth broke off on Friday. During these times, I have to come to count on my interactions with my friends to help me forget for a few minutes till I have to suit up and head back into battle.

Saturday night, a "friend" said something to me that completely wrecked me. I started crying. It was a joke, an unintentional jab, but you know what they say about those statements. It started me thinking, is that what he thinks of me? I guess I don't represent myself the right way.

Then Sunday, I saw a friend of mine come online. Someone that is a good friend that always makes time for me and helps me smile. They didn't respond to a hello. I know it wasn't an intentional slam on me, but it really upset me. I am going to have to re-evaluate our situation. Maybe I should back of and establish different boundaries. It hurts me to even think about doing that. Who else is going to protect me but me?

I have decided that feelings are highly overrated. I am happy to have a little man that truly loves his momma and I need to relish that time. Soon I will have my own space again so that I can escape into some artwork instead of relying on people that can't really be there for me, even if they want to. I have to deal with being there for myself. Guard my feelings more carefully. Be more selective about who I bestow them on. If you know me, you know that is not like me, but the other way is starting to tear me down a little.

That said? Camera is in the shop. Tooth is getting fixed today. I am enlisting help in moving as we speak. I am MOVING to a new home that will allow a different style of life that is needed for me and my little family. We are going to get a goldfish. I am turning off cable, but keeping the internet. Time to establish a "relationship" with my son before he gets too much older.


  1. Sounds like a very good plan, in the last paragraph. Moving to new digs is a great time to start things anew. Good luck!

  2. Sounds like you have a good plan. :)

  3. I understand this totally. Last week I felt much the same way... partially due to pms. A lovely bottle of wine,a bubble bath and some sinatra put me straight.

    This too shall pass...


  4. i'm with bhd! you have lots to look forward to. moving sucks, but if you're moving to a larger, nicer environment - it's worth it. good for you!

    i think one thing to keep in mind when you're dealing with friends is that - disappointment happens. we're all human. and, i'd be willing to bet dollars to donuts that the friend who didn't acknowledge you online has no intention of disappointing you. (i hardly ever IM anymore, but i often find my IM chat on when i didn't know it was.) stuff happens. and this is hard to remember but it isn't always about you. perhaps that person was away from the computer, or on the phone or taking care of something that didn't allow them to respond. you really, really cannot take that type of thing so personally: it isn't always about you.

    now, about the other who made you cry from a joke? that's just not nice. who needs a friend like that?

  5. your plan sounds like it will be a successful one! our little guys will only be little once.....

    "I have decided that feelings are highly overrated"

    AMEN SISTA! I could NOT agree w/ you more on that......I learned my lessons early on.

  6. We can abandon all of our feelings and become Vulcans like Mr. Spock!

    What? Too geeky?

  7. good call on the cable... i figure ive got at most a few more years with my son before he thinks im a big jerk instead of his # 1 hero, so i plan to make the most of them...

  8. Never too busy to say hello to my


    - -
    Father Luke