There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Friday, May 30

Down at the Crossroads.

Challenge on. I would love to be this lonely guy for a day.

As I pull up into the parking lot of The Crossroads, I almost hit this tall blonde babe and her friend walking towards the door. She gives me that oblivious to the world, go to hell look gorgeous women seem to have down to an art. As she turns around, I noticed her thong under those jeans. Wonder what else she has going on under there? Promising.

I downshift the GTO into the nearest spot, grab my pool cue and jump out. Mind talk as I walk towards the door. Rodger owes me a buck or two and it was payday. Ohh yea - Crusty bastard is on duty tonight and will "buy" us a couple of shots. And a possible blonde with matching carpet? The night was righteous already.

Walking past the bouncer, "Hey Tiny! Is anything around?"

"You know Wiley, he is the coyote of the place. He walked in a bit skitzy an hour ago. Back bar I believe"

"Thanks Tiny"

I squeeze in through the first room jam packed with glamatoids. The usual Friday night bar band was off key in the background covering some old techno tunes. Why can't we get any good music in this town? I kept moving towards the first bar.

"Hey Hippie... pass the brew."

"Slacker!!!! Always a pleasure to see a consummate conniving bastard like yourself slumming down here at The Crossroads freak show."

"Thanks Sage. Can you saddle me up a whiskey shot too?"

"Whats the verdict Knob? Woodford?"

"Lets do a Makers for tonight. Follow me up with a Shiner. And get yourself one."

"Done. I think you got an idea there. Gracias."

I pass the earnings over to the older gentleman wearing a tye-die shirt saying Achieve World Peace (kill everybody).

"Now Sage? Someone might think you were on a mission wearing that rag on your chest. Have an argument with the old lady?"

"You know how she is. All talk no action. Another freakin day in paradise! Lets do these shots."

Laughter then drinking. We share a smile the working masses know all too well on a friday night.

"You got your cue with ya. Is it ass spankin time?"

"Is there any good competition in the house?"

"King Louis just walked in with his entourage. He has been drinking heavily."

Louis really was the king. He was an aging pool star with the style of Ray Martin. Just playing with the man was a lesson in itself. I never relinquished an opportunity to be on the same table. Legend. A real legend. But his drinking was getting worse and he was getting sloppy. I had been trying to stick a cue up his ass for a couple of years, only to be repeatedly spanked, shot down, humiliated. I knew one day the booze and the women would take its toll. It was just a matter of time before I bested him.

"Off to rattle his cage. Get yourself a blow job - loser!" Smile and slam Russell's tip down on the bar.

"Good Luck, Johnny" Russell shouts. I cruise through the beaded curtain to the back room.

I hear the beads rustling as my cue makes it through the curtain. The jukebox is playing Hollywood Nights by Bob Seger. I look across the smoky room and there sits the King, smoking a Cohiba and drinking bourbon. My kinda guy. I hate that bastard. And who is on his arm? Blonde. Parking lot. Damn.

The guys are waving me over like a bunch of chimpanzees. Obviously they had been there a while. "Johnny, OVER HERE!"

So much for a quiet entrance. Now for the attack. Chest out. Eyes averted and wolf-like. I approach the reason for the evening in a style that fits the room. Ready for anything.

Thursday, May 29


diggin my photoshop skillz? "melanie magritte".... giggles

Its going to be dream week. The citizen asked me once why I didn't just put all my blogs on one space. Well some weeks that would be best. Others I would have a few posts a day. This is all an experiment anyway, so I am going to try to consolidate and focus. HA.

Another dream this morning I remember only part of it. I was out to dinner with some friends, all women. One of them had a boyfriend of hers show up. He was the kind of man that was manipulative, dense and self absorbed. She was following him around outside the restaurant like a puppy dog. He wasn't a mean man, just would use passive control to get her attention. Handing her flowers, telling her bad jokes, making sure she was following him.

My friends and I were "gossiping" about the situation. Watching this show... Saying, when is she going to see what is going on here? We all love her so much but she is making a big mistake. What are we going to say to her? Now I don't know how many men out there have sat through one of these bull sessions listening (or participating) to women discussing the "man" who is dissing a friend, it can get a bit too introspective, analytical down right bitchy. This was no exception. I was getting nervous.

side note about that: I get nervous in groups of women talking men like that, or anyone for that matter. I start to worry about what they are saying about me, karma, and what if people could actually hear what we are saying. I don't like saying things in private I wouldn't say outright to someones face. And I am not a vindictive person. I don't exact revenge. I get damn angry and spit fire sometimes... but thats a temper tantrum only. My days of throwing things out of windows are over. (another blog entry later).

So back to the dream. She is walking around and around. She is a dark haired friend. He has handed her two gerber daisies. She puts them over her eyes. I remember the day was sunny. They were bright orange. She is holding the daisies so it looks like she has daisies for eyes. He was waking away from her to the parking lot murmuring something just to hear himself speak. We whispered to her, what are you doing with this man? She said, "I love him, but I am not in love with him. I need to keep him around till the real thing comes along. I would have nothing if he wasn't here."

We all looked at each other and realized we have done that at one point or another. I got up and left the table. I was thinking to myself. Do I have flowers in front of my eyes too? What kind of flowers am I holding up?

Knowing me? Daffodils or Daisies. Heck that gal could have been me. Time to rethink a few friendships. You know I spend a lot of time in dream land and see very specific images. Its really a blessing. I am thankful.

Wednesday, May 28


I normally type my dreams out on my Dream blog. I don't do that as much anymore. This life has gotten crazy, and I don't have the best "organizational skills". If I did, there wouldn't be forgotten birthday cards, Kid would be enrolled in camp, etc.

Last nights dream has begun to fade. But in the dream I was at a crossroad. The same road, over and over again. I remember it was on top of a hill. It was a sunny day. I stopped at the road, looking around at the houses around me. I recognized my town, but not the houses. This was a new corner for me. I would approach the intersection from the same side over and over again. No cars one time. One car another time. But sunny and nothing to be worried about. I would cross the street then the dream would move on to another section. After that brief segment, I would be back on the same corner, and crossing the street again. Same time, same position, same lighting, same grass, same houses, same motion with my head.

Now, my first reaction was that I am at a crossroads. Its time to cross a road regarding something. I don't know where it is I am going. The segments in between these crossings involved a cabin with some friends, sleeping and partying. One of the scenes was a hotel where I was with some family. I don't know how all this interacts. But it does.

One of the interesting thing about my dreams is that in time all these elements make sense. They come to life in some way and I am enlightened to what it was trying to tell me. The pain in the ass is that I don't get it right away when I see the pictures.

I believe its time for me to get back into the studio and start doing artwork again. I need the relief. And the inspiration. And the outlet. Art is a part of what makes me who I am. Time to reconnect. Maybe thats what this dream is telling me.

ANYWAY! Its Wednesday, I keep thinking its Tuesday, and I have just enough clean clothes that I don't have to do laundry till Friday! now THAT is accomplishment for me this week. SAD... very very sad.

gotta get a life. :wink:

Friday, May 23

What do Kids Know?

Our morning began with the investment of filling up my gas tank, then stopping at the doughnut shop for his breakfast. I mentioned to my son, maybe we should get a few extra doughnut bites for his buddy N.

The lil guy says, "If he is at school" then pulls his long face and a sigh.

I said, "I bet he is back today. He has been out a long time".

Sure enough he was. We walk in and N's mom says we were just talking about you! Funny how they were kind of shy at first. Following with smiles and sharing books and stories. Interesting to watch them interact, building a "best friend" ship with each other. He had been out sick all week long. They missed each other so much, we had to have a 45 minute phone call the other night. They were making farting noises, laughing, talking about Spiderman and the Power Rangers. The little guy has even made a friend with the little girl that lives upstairs. But she is no N.

After realizing I no longer existed in my sons eyes for the moment, I left for work. N has a little sister G. She is about one year old. N's mom and I were walking to the parking lot talking about our getting together for the weekend, what times, etc. G looks at me and reaches her little arms out for a hug wanting me to hold her. What a sweetie. Holding little beings just so they can be held and loved is so relaxing. And affirming.

What do children know? They know how to live in the moment. Be in that space comfortably and assuredly. Something most adults find difficult to do. Today I affirmed a long ago decision that I want to work with children somehow. They aren't simple and easy, but they sure do have a loving touch. And its normally unconditional. A little more expensive than a pet, but well worth it for the education.

go git one yursef. or even better, make one. *giggles*

weekend news:

I hope you all have wonderful weekends. Mine starts with the festival at the mission with my good friends J & C. Then as you know, a cook out. Then Sunday... the long awaited Indiana Jones movie! (love that song. LOVE it) and then playing in the park and an early night. And Monday? The relaxing sounds of the waves. all... day... long!!!!!

take care and make memories. I will be here on Monday for a memorial day post. ciao.

Wednesday, May 21

The Harvest & an approaching Holiday

One of the wonderful things about living in Southern California? There is an abundance of fresh produce. And I mean from down the road fresh. Today when I got back from having lunch there was a van with some fresh produce in the parking lot. I got half a flat of strawberries for $8.

mmmmmm fresh ripe strawberries. I love summer in California.

Combine that and the cheap charcoal grill I just got in time for the weekend, (thanks CC),

I just might have some strawberry margaritas and grilled fish tacos this holiday weekend... who wants to join me?

Bring chips, salsa and a homemade ice cream machine if you have one. Remember spending holiday weekends cranking the ice cream maker? Putting in the ice and rock salt? That is one of my favorite holiday memories. Besides being at the pool or the ocean. Being sunburned from playing outside all day, and anxiously awaiting home made ice cream.

Maybe strawberry ice cream? or mango? What goes best with fish?

Friday, May 16

I gots me machine!!!

So, my G5 had gone into the shop for the third logic board replacement. I would have done that third one sooner, but I am LAZY! (never underestimate the power of true LAZE).

I called Apple after dropping it off to the mac geeks I have grown to know and love (The group of 20-30 year old mac geek guys that love talking shop and how great macs are). I said, Apple? We have a problem. Love my G5, but the wiring is shorting out my logic board. And I didn't need the Mac Mechanics to tell me that. :wink: After shuffling and some bantering, I finally was transfered to the right people on the phone. Customer Care. I am talking to "Josh" (i don't remember the first person I spoke with) I say, "Josh baby? I got one month left on my warranty, and I got a machine that eats logic boards. The guys at the repair shop told me to contact you because this isn't normal for a Macintosh. And they told me, that Apple replaces machines that have continuous problems. What are you going to do for me? I don't want to be stuck having to buy a new machine because this one was faulty to begin with."

Josh says, "Let me put you on hold for a few minutes and evaluate your case and come up with some options. (Many minutes later.) What I can do for you is give you my name , my extension and we will take this on a case by case basis. If something comes up you can contact me directly and I will make sure you are taken care of."

I giggle. "Josh, how long have you worked for Apple? And how long are you going to work for Apple? And, God forbid, what if you get hit by a bus tomorrow? Then who do I contact for the "case by case" arrangement? I am sorry that I waited this long to take it in, but that shouldn't be an issue seeing as its happened three times in 2 years. If I had known about this I would have saved myself 1000 bucks and bought a PC. But I have always loved the reliability of a Macintosh. So. Why don't you just extend the warranty for another year and we will see what happens in that time."

"Well, let me put you on hold for a few minutes to make a decision and I will be right back with you." More time on hold. "Ms. Melanie? I am going to replace your machine. We here at Apple want our customers to be satisfied. We are only shipping out our Mac Pro machine. But we will match your memory and all existing peripherals. I will pass your info on to the replacement division, and someone will contact you to complete this transaction."

Well thank you Josh! That is the response I wanted from the beginning. I had to do a bit of dancing and firm jolly dealing, but I got a much better machine with an airport card built in (that I didn't have before). And the fan doesn't whir so loud like a train as in my old machine. It came to my house last week. I am in love.

For those Mac addicts that are concerned about software crossover, the current Rosetta software built into the Mac really is seamless. I can run all my programs without a hitch. I do know that software being developed wont be. I had to purchase something for work to run on my old G4 and it doesn't run (man its really hard to work on a klunky machine at your job when you have a race car at home).

Okay. Round two with the new Mac. You can bet I am going to purchase Applecare again for $250. Its the best money I think I have ever spent. Well, pretty darn close.

Power Mac Turbo Force, GO!!!!!!!! (too much power rangers in my house this week. ick.)

Wednesday, May 14

I don't have Cable TV


All you addicts... I gave up the TV for the summer. I do NOT miss it. Sitting in my office listening to my coworker and another person talking about "American Idol" and "Dancing with the Stars". Who is going to win? Isn't she a cow? Why did he do THAT song?

I mean come on. Who really cares. The one thing this week I was upset for not seeing was the earthquakes. I know its probably overdone on CNN and other news stations. Thank you NPR for keeping me informed.

I am happy that I don't feel the stress of "keeping up to date" with whatever inane reality show is on. I plan on going without for a long time if we can handle it. Funny you used to be able to get at least public television without cable. Those days are gone.

My mind suck currently comes from Jewel Quest II, thank you very much. That being said, don't even ask me to give up my internet... oh no.. don't even. How else am I going to find fun stuff like this song about boobs? I still haven't figured out twitter yet, thankfully. AND I am all about chatting. :wink:

OK enough. Carry on you slaves to your cable distributors. I think I will read a book.

Sunday, May 11

Happy Mothers Day

A Mother's Prayer

Help me dear Lord, as a mother, I pray
And bless these hands folded in prayer today;
May they be ever strong as they guide, as they teach,
Being never too far for a child to reach.
May they never, with selfishness, try to dissuade,
Nor too quickly punish, nor too slowly aid.
May they point out the pleasures in laughter and song,
And may they show, wisely, the right from the wrong,
So that one day I'll know that I've helped all I can
To make her a woman, to make him a man.

- Mary A. Loberg

Happy Mothers Day to all Moms, near and far. May this day bring you together with your children. And may you all smile and enjoy each others lives.

May peace come to mothers whose sons and daughters are not with them for any reason.

Thursday, May 8

I went to San Diego and got sick

A trip I thought was going to be a really nice calm relaxing trip... turned out making me sick. I haven't been here because me and the little man were under the weather. A three day cold we caught from my brother.

Anyway, Sea World was amazing. I would have spent the whole day and night there, but there were reasons why we couldn't. If you click on my photos you will see some of the images I shot there.

These turned out the most intriguing to me. There is no alteration to the photos except for the lightness or darkness of them.

Shamu was awesome~! The penguins looked sedated. And they had puffins in the same exhibit. These Whales... well, it was like watching ghostly embryos underwater. I am glad to have my camera back.

In other self pity news...

I am really sad this week... someone has decided to leave my life without a good explanation. Someone I thought highly of. Whom I guess doesn't think so highly of me.

It hurts when you are a part of something then someone makes a decision to change things... and forgets how much it is going to affect you and/or hurt you and shows no signs of caring. I wish i didn't have feelings. Life would be so much easier.