At a point in my life I met someone I believed was my true friend. I honored his life. I saw who he was. I realized that I could help this person, so I chose to do that without asking anything in return. I continued this gracious cause as long as I could, despite naysayers. I know good people when I see them. Most people do.
Today this person chose to dismiss me and my feelings for something that is of lesser value than a human life.
I stand in shame thinking that I was wrong. Deceived again by someone that lied to me by lying to themselves. I BLAME myself. I tried to stay away. I resisted and even tried to have lengthy conversations with this person about how I would be hurt and listened to them telling me we should be together. "Don't worry, I wont hurt you or abandon you. This is a forever thing. I can't see my life without you."
I can't wait to hear yet another justification of how that was ok to say when I didn't really mean it.
People LIE. don't fool yourself. there is no more honor in this world.
i AM A FOOL.
Monday, April 13
Ok. Now this is some kind of sign I know. Last night I had a dream that Benjamin Linus was my landlord. Yea. He was doing all kind of strange things in his garage. Also had a lot of different tenants. Of course nothing was normal.
I think Mr. Benjamin Linus is a total weasel boy and yet one of the most intriguing characters of the show. um. That being said, last night I could have written an off the island episode, portraying Ben as the slum-lord... Cool huh?
I really need to get some uninterrupted sleep.
Monday, April 6
My friend called me today. I was so glad to hear from her. She gave a deadline on a project we are working on together. And I thanked her for that. I know having a deadline for projects is much better for me. I procrastinate due to insecurity. Fear of success and exposure.
I believe that education in some areas of my artistic talents are needed before moving on with confindence. Maybe things aren't meant to work out that way, who knows. I am moving onward to a new avenue with my art. And for that I am extremely thankful.
Thursday, April 2
Are you willing to step up every time you need to and tell the truth, no matter the situation? Have you tried it!? Its kind of amazing how much further you go when there aren't any lies involved. Seriously.
Try it for one day and see what happens in your life. You will be amazed how much more comfortable you feel in your skin.