There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Monday, July 27

Fashion Design Dream

I dreamt again last night about Fashion. I was trying on tops. I had a navy top on with an intricate weave, and it was made of a satin material. I KNOW that I could reproduce that. Not easily but it could be done.

Its difficult to have time to do all the things we want. I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about how I can make more time for my creative desires to come to fruition. I am going to have to make some boundaries soon about somethings that are happening. In addition there has to be no more of this continuously cleaning up because more and more stuff is being brought into my apt. If i had my way, i would have a studio where i could set up MY THINGS and no one else would touch them. seriously.

Its past time for me to be designing. My dreams are telling me that more and more often these days. I wish to follow that inner light showing me where I could be to make my life (and those around me) easier.

If i have to argue this point one more time with someone, it wont be pretty. Oh no. Doors will slam and things will be moving to the next level.

Thursday, July 23

more middle of the night brain surges.

I laid down to sleep and was awaken by the co habitant. ARGGG! I am sure that I am not alone in saying once I fall asleep for about an hour, if someone wakes me up, I am up. For hours. FRACK.

Now as i lay in bed and try to avoid bad thoughts about the person that decided to disturb a fish lady while she is sleeping, i started reading a book titled, Drawing as a Sacred Activity: Simple Steps to Explore Your Feelings and Heal Your Consciousness (Paperback)

Now... i had to slow myself down a couple of times to pay attention because I was tired and upset. There are a lot of truths on the pages about getting in touch with your conscious and subconscious mind. I want to work on finding that person who used to take her notepad wherever she went and never drew much of what she saw. More the drawing of what you want to see inside. It freed me up for a less complicated relevance to the world around me. Getting back to center is the BEST way I can remain balanced and moving forward. I feel like I am all over the place, caught in an uncontrollable current. I don't want my son to grow up and me miss it while I am completely detached looking for myself.

Onward with the pencil and eraser as my sword and shield. And a few good books providing me some exercises to round out the weapons of accomplishment and progress.

wish me the peace to make this happen.

Thursday, July 16


Last night at 3:30 am, the stirring of my man woke me up. He rose from bed for whatever reason, even though I sleep like a monster, snoring and drooling, the simplest movement in my environment wakes me up. After that happens, I remain awake, well cuz it’s the middle of the night and I have some overactive thinking to do in the dark. You know the drill.

What came to my mind last night was, he is not making any significant noise and yet, I was stirred from slumber. Is there something I don’t see about myself that is there? I started thinking about my sign, Pisces. Moon is a water sign… Rising sign? You guessed it. Water. Water. Water.

Then I tried to do as ole’ Arthur of the round and imagined myself as a fish. Where do fish live? How quiet is that? What do they think? How do they react? Etc. Is it possible, that any buzzing around in my environment makes waves that I pick up on? How sensitive am I to the world around me? In so many ways it is a bonus characteristic of my effectiveness as a human. In other ways, its hell on the mechanics of the “house” my soul resides in, always aware of the waves that surround me in any form. I pick up on more than I wish. I have developed a wall that I can erect when I feel overwhelmed. I fear that is cutting me off from what I need to see as well as keeping me in a quiet place. Also how is it helping others when I am not my true self? This re-opened up a door for me.

Tangential connection, can’t figure out why, this morning I noticed a coworker didn’t seem their chipper bright-eyed self. I queried and found out the issue. Instead of being my empathetic self, I was bitter and cynical. I want to apologize to that person and let them know it’s always hard to lose something unexpectedly. Trying to regain footing when a dream dies is a harsh sleepless session. Keep focused on recovery, and not the regret. No one is wrong during these times, its just not meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. Believe in the future and the right things coming along. Believe me. I have tested it and survived, as have others. Depend on your friends; they usually give you everything you need during this time. Do as much writing as you can, and don’t listen to ANY Damien rice. HA!

And in the words of the infamous dori (thank you Disney and Ellen), Keep on swimming, what do we do? We swim.

Monday, July 13

How do you see the world?

I love me some Gomez.

See the World - Gomez

Day to day
Where do you want to be?
'Cos now you're trying to pick a fight
With everyone you need

You seem like a soldier
Who's lost his composure
You're wounded and playing a waiting game
In no-man's land no-one's to blame

See the world
Find an old fashioned girl
And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you earned

Empty handed, surrounded by a senseless scene
With nothing of significance
Besides a shadow of a dream
You sound like an old joke
You want out, a bit broke
An' askin me time and time again
And the answer's still the same

See the world
Find an old fashioned girl
And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you earned

You've got a chance to put things right
So how's it going to be?
Lay down your arms now
And put us beyond doubt
So reach out it's not too far away
Don't mess around now, don't delay

See the world
Find an old fashioned girl
And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you earned