There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Wednesday, August 26

The Nightmare

I was uber uber tired last night. So tired I went to sleep at 8:30 pm. I fell asleep immediately and slept all night long. I had some tumultuous visions. I have to get this one down on paper.

I was at a big party that someone invited me to. it was a roaring twenties party. All the girls were dressed in satin fringed swing skirts. The guys in suits, etc. They were having it in a huge building/warehouse style. We wandered floors and floors of party people, drinking smoking with cigarette holders, etc. Outside the building was a huge field with a concrete center. There was a band playing, lights were strung up all over the place. The person I was with was talking to me the entire time, saying, see them? They think they are so smug, etc. He was saying all kinds of seriously negative and damning things. I wasn't afraid as much as I was confused why he was taking me along with him, showing me all these people.

We reached the top of a building and he pointed to the grassy area and said to me, "Keep your eyes focused here. I am going to show you something. We have a great power, and we are going to use these people to prove a point. They need to be made an example of. Lessons will be learned". That's when I got scared. He pointed to the middle of the field and it started to open up and people began falling into the hole. You could see the red glow of lava inside the hole. Then the building started to slide into the hole as well. We had started floating into the sky watching this all the while. I was reaching for people but wasn't "allowed" to help anyone. He was holding me back with some kind of force. I sat and watched as the building and all the people sank into the earth. then the earth closed up over them and it was silent. Just a sink hole where they all used to be. I was numb.

He took me back to the building/hotel we were staying at. We got into bed together, and I was trying to get a good visual look at him to see what was this evil force so I could avoid it when I woke up. There never was a clear picture of his face, I knew it was a man by his voice. I don't believe that I have ever had that kind of dream that was directed by a demon. It makes me wonder what has changed in my life that drew that into my dreams. I wasn't even that scared being next to him either. Just watching and wondering what the real story was. He told me a lot of things while we laid in bed at the hotel, but mostly I remember him saying something about control. And my mind thought I need to get out of this bed and out of this room. So I did.

I was met by the "landlady". She took my hand and showed me the other rooms offering me some solstice from that scene. All i could think was I need to get outside!!!!! I finally did. Can't remember the weather. I remember thinking wow. that was totally intense and I need to write that down.

Now I sit and retype it all out thinking of that party and the hole. How can you feel safe if you have such crazy images in your mind nightly? Maybe its a good way to start a story. I slept GREAT which even disturbs me more.

Monday, August 24

Monday update

I tell you what. I love love LOVE Texas, but they can keep that crappy hot weather. I did my time and escaped to the sweet winds of the pacific floating between the ocean and the hills of Santa Barbara CA. Pray that I can find that nitch that enhances my income and creates a more stable life for me and the mini me.

More to come about our Trip to Texas tomorrow. Some photos included.

goin back to Cali, goin back to cali.. :whistle:

Tuesday, August 11

In My Dream

I have been considering something for a week or so now, and decided that I feel excited about it. When I pick up literature or move in a line towards this purpose, i feel energized and yet peaceful, unhurried and centered. There is a level of anxiousness and awareness that has been showing itself in my dreams throughout the weeks time. Last nights dream was no different in the beginning. At the end of that dream though, i had a sleeping lioness in my lap. She walked over to me after I sat down on the couch, laid down next to me, laying her head in my lap, looked at me and proceeded to fall asleep. After my initial apprehension of being bitten or mauled, I relaxed, and stroked her fur as she slept.

When I awoke an image popped in my head from one of my tarot cards. That image is of a woman with a blindfold being unwrapped from her eyes as she stands at a gate made of pentacles. I realized that it is time to recapture the sleeping lion's strength. Accept that power that has been sleeping and open my eyes to something new.

My dreams are SOOO cool!!!

Wednesday, August 5

whats up with that?

Every time I talk to the receptionist at my doctor's office, she has attitude. I mean EVERY time. Even when life is peachy and happy she sounds as if no matter what I say i am an inconvenience to her.

I am soo tempted to tell her to lose the tude, OR tell her boss that she is such a negatory so and so.... Its positively annoying to have to deal with people that hate their jobs or everyone else in the world it sounds like. The only time I have heard a pleasant thing out of her mouth is to the doctor.

Get out of the "people service" position lady. Or as my texas friends say, get down off the cross, someone needs the wood. Right? Ha.

avett brothers

Give them a listen sometime. I find this song haunting. This phrase I found explaining the root of this song.

"The title track for the new album, is a piano ballad soaked in folk flavor, crying “Brooklyn, Brooklyn, take me in.” Makes sense, since the song was inspired by a gig at Brooklyn’s Galapagos. “It was the coolest place we’d ever been, and the furthest from home we’d ever been in every sense,” Scott Avett tells Spinner. “So the Brooklyn chorus kind of embodies the rest of the lyrics.”

I picked up this explanation off


The Avett Brothers are a non-traditional bluegrass band that originated in Concord, North Carolina. The two brothers, Seth and Scott, formed the group after the breakup of the former rock band, Nemo, adding a third member, Bob Crawford. The Avett Brothers combine old-time country, bluegrass, punk, pop melodies, folk, rock and roll, honky tonk and ragtime to produce a sound described by the Washington Post as “post civil-war modern rock”, or by other reviewers as “grungegrass”. For a long time the group eschewed labels, feeling that “none would do the music justice.” Ironically the Avett’s signed to Columbia Records on Independence Day 2008 to record their fifth album with acclaimed producer Rick Rubin. It’s simply left up to each person to extract his or her own account from the Avetts’ music.”

Their live performances, generally at smaller venues, showcase their use of three-part harmony and southern rock feel, and are admired for being intense, energetic, and soulful. The Avett’s have been picking up steam opening for Dave Matthews Band and playing SXSW and Newport Folk Festival.

Edited by weanders on 24 Jun 2009

anyway, enjoy them. I find it an intriguing new sound. but then again, The Devil Makes Three is one of my FAVORITES!


I and Love and You.

load the car and write the note
grab your bag and grab your coat
tell ones that need to know
we are headed north

all one foot in and one foot back
but its okay, to live like that
so i cut the ties and i jumped the tracks
for never to return

brooklyn brooklyn take me in
are you aware the shape im in
my hands they shake my head it spins
brooklyn brooklyn take me in

when at first i learned to speak
i used all my words to fight
with him and her and you and me
oh its just a waste of time
its such a waste of time

that women shes got eyes that shine
like a pair of stolen polished dimes
she asked to dance i said its fine
ill see you in the morning time

brooklyn brooklyn take me in
are you aware the shape im in
my hands they shake my head it spins
brooklyn brooklyn take me in

three words that became hard to say
i and love and you
what you were then i am today
look at the things i do

brooklyn brooklyn take me in
are you aware the shape im in
my hands they shake my head it spins
brooklyn brooklyn take me in

dumbed down and numbed my time and age
you dreams to catch this world the cage
the highway sets the travelers stage
all exits look the same
three words that became hard to say
i and love and you
i and love and you
i and love and you
the highway

the avett brothers - 2009