There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Friday, December 3

Half Man, Half Me

OMG I had the most incredible dream this morning!! I was being pursued by man, not in a aggressive evil way, just passive interest and persistence. Overseeing my steps... inquiring, concerned, sweet. The unusual thing about him was that he wasn't actually fully human. And when he started getting into serious conversations he would morph into something completely different.

There was a really strange ending to the dream. We were at his house, and he was actually communicating with me at this point visually only, telling me his story by touching me and letting me see what his history was. There was a strange party we were supposed to attend, he was warning me against going, but came along anyway just to watch over me. Massive orgy like party, and for some reason there was smoke and ashes everywhere. He took us home in a Huge crazy tractor like machine, riding in the open air.

it was a crazy good feeling! Weird. (and thats only part of it)

Saturday, October 9


I always wanted to be that person that could be accepting and non-judgemental of the people I love. I have come a long way in that department. I just don't feel that I have made it completely. I continually listen to self help. I am working on my self esteem every day. How is it I have "expectations" and regret? Riddle me this.

I have so much more to be grateful for than not. Why is it that I continue to feed energy into the negative parts of existence? The next step is to put all that negative crap into oblivion and regret NO more.

anyone else feeling the cramps of inconsistency with self desire? I thought so. INPUT!

Thursday, September 16

My Ride


On the way to class I had a wonderful and happy accident. My car died. I had to pull to the side of the road, and a cool new service from the CHP had a man that came in a truck to basically keep me company, protected and give me his opinion of the issue. Its at the Volvo dealership now. We will see what happens next!

Thanks to my friends who are always there for me in a pinch. And to the services of AAA. The man who picked me up said, the two cars I pick up every day that ARENT in accidents? Volvo and Mercedes. I love you my sweet little blue beast. You are comfy sweet safe ride. Please stop talking back. :)

Tuesday, September 7

wacom intous 4

Dear Santa.... i forgot to add this to my list. this will change the way I illustrate books. ty!

Letters to Santa

The other day we were backing out of the driveway on our way to work and school, my son says to me, "Mommy, is Santa for real?" (He is in that phase. Asking me about actors and movies. Which stories are real and which aren't. If the characters are based on real people.)

I said to him, "What do you think?"

He responded, "I think he is real."

"Yes. I think you are right", I replied.

So Sunday, we wrote our letters to Santa. That was a festive task. I asked Santa for something that is already in the works and he was so excited that I asked for it. lol.

Anyway, I know its only September, but this Santa has to plan ahead so that all is taken care of by the "deadline".

He hasn't even decided what he wants to be for Halloween!!!!

Monday, August 23

Last Nights Dream

I had my first semi sexual dream last night in almost a year. It was a strange dream too. I went to bed early then woke up early. This dream happened after I fell back asleep after that mid morning time.

It started as traveling to various locations and hotels. I ended up at a party and ran into an old friend. Strange, he is an old friend that I don't even like. We had an attraction both of us were uncomfortable with but couldn't deny. This dream took place at a house sitting on the cliff by the ocean, We had driven there over bumpy roads. When we got there, we had wonderful conversations. We watched a sun rise while it happened. Then he walked outside and followed a woman by climbing a pole.

You know sometimes I think these dreams are supposed to be stories for some kind of "TV series" or soap opera. I haven't started writing yet but I think I will. Gotta start keeping track!

Monday, July 26

Amusement Parks

We were at Magic Mountain this weekend, all day Saturday I should say. Walking is good for you! WE did a LOT of that. Riding the small rides with my son was awesome! We laughed and laughed. I have to say standing in a long line is NOT appealing. They have created the "Fast Pass", and I tell you if we do go back, thats the ticket. For sure.

One amazing feet. They have a typical area with carnival style games, coin toss, water gun races, to win stuffed animals. I traditionally avoid them KNOWING the prize is not worth the money spent on the game. BUT as we passed the "break the plates with the baseball" and win a prize booth, I stopped. I looked at the son, and said, you think you could break a plate? Sure mom! 2 rounds, and sure enough. he broke a plate. Solid shatter! The man can aim. There was a guy standing next to us saying, Heck, I can't even do that! (In fact we went back a while later to try and win a bigger stuffed "Dodgers" bear, and he was still trying!) I was sorta proud and started thinking, its time for him to be on a team. Yep!

Magic Mountain = Long lines, getting soaked on the water rides, over expensive drinks, really good fudge, laughing till you ache on rides with your kid, watching him win his first carnival prize? Priceless!

Hurricane Harbor here we come!!!!! :dance:

Wednesday, June 23

My Lemonade Stand

Sunday Morning picked up my kid from his “sleepover”. We get home and he says to me, “Mom, I want to have a lemonade stand. We need to start saving money for our new house. “ Hence his first entrepreneurial endeavor. The KOOL-AID stand. Lemonade and strawberry flavors, just so you know. So cute listening to his little voice yelling Kool-Aid, Lemonade… Actually one lady stopped her car and bought 2 cups for the kids! We made around 4 dollars, because of our generous neighbors and friends. I found an empty plastic container; we are going to decorate with a house on it this weekend. I am encouraging his desire to make his dreams a reality.

This whole dream started a couple of months ago. He said something to me about having a dog. I said, “We can’t have a dog till we have a house and a yard to keep it in. “

He said, “Then we need a house.”

I said, “What does your house LOOK like?”

Then we proceeded to describe the house, and it has a “hot tub”, Austin’s real wish besides the dog. My only additions were a washer, dryer and a maid. And a Pool guy to clean up the pool/hot tub.

I am of the firm belief if you can envision it you can have it. No matter how long that takes. I am proof of that. I don’t dash his dreams by telling him, NO. He will learn on his own how to deal with the real NO’s in time. Besides why shouldn’t he believe he would have a house with a dog and hot tub someday? These are all good things to want. And in wanting them, the law of attraction will reward him with his dream and I can benefit in the process! For it is also my want to have a house and a dog.

Poof, there it is!

Thursday, May 13

Bike Dream

I have been doing a lot of soul searching the last two months. Looking for any inspirational material I can find on CDs (TY WILENE and the public library) I would much rather listen than read as it allows me to do two things at once. As a single mother, I love multi-tasking. Life requires I do many things at once. I am actually programmed that way so it works for me.

ANYWAY, during all these awakening sessions with my inner being, I have found a joy that I forgot about since I was a little girl running in the sprinkler on the lawn. The days I struggle I remember to visualize that moment of joy that most recently happened and keep speaking of the joy, dismissing the negative as much as possible from my experience.

Last night I had a pretty intense dream. I was on some kind of trek (which is the current situation in all my dreams, traveling from one point to another). Some one gave me a bike that I had to use for this trip. And as the mind does with symbolism, at some times the seat was off the bike, but I kept riding. There were people in the path but I rode over them. There were puddles and I splashed happily through them. Just kept on going no matter the obstacles. The ride started out apprehensively. By the end I was clear on where I was going, knowing that the challenges were there, and ringing my little bike bell all along the way.. seat or no seat. I was getting to the next "station" without hangups and it felt good.

Life is joyous. Remind me of that when you hear me whining... *giggle*

Surgery Again?

Yep. I didn't talk about it just did it. heh!

I underwent a significant physical transformation two months ago. Elective surgery that I waited only 6 months to have done. Six months of "last meals". By the time my surgery came I was so ready for it. The only really uncomfortable moment I have had was the night after surgery when I couldn't drink any water. That lasted from 11 am after surgery till 7 am the next day. A very brief suffering for what has turned out to be the second most important decision in my life (the first one was the decision to be a single mom).

The end results so far? Immediately, the next day, I no LONGER SNORE! Why? I have no idea. A total benefit of surgery. The surgeon corrected my hiatal hernia. I think that had something to do with it. amazing. The food intake is down to about 1/10th of what I was consuming. And truthfully? I do not miss it. Glutton no more, TY. I am a happy woman. I am am seriously lighter. I lost 15 before, 15 in my second week out from surgery (weigh in) and since I am 2 months out I am guessing at LEAST another 15 if not more. I decided to not weigh myself at home. This is a gradual process and i want to learn how to treat my body by its signals, not the scales. My next official weigh in is May 18th. I will keep you informed.

The real result is finding myself again inside the fat suit. I feel like a different person. Active, capable of being on my feet for long periods of time. Time to incorporate exercise. Thank GOD summer is approaching. Ready for the bike rides to the beach with my kiddo!!! yea. I am a BLESSED woman. Grateful, and blessed.

Monday, April 19

Summer Camp

Summer is almost HERE! Which means in about 6 weeks I am going to have to deal with Summer Day Camp!? My mother really didn't work when I was young till we moved to Texas, so I don't remember attending day camp. I did get to go to sleep over camps with my friends. I remember a summer at a relatives houses or church camp and girl scout camp. Wow. I love camp in the summer for my kiddo! The choices in our town are very broad. I think the only thing I didn't see was horseback riding or equestrian activities. I think I came up with a great schedule for him which range from sports to theater.

One of my memories of summer camp was swallowing a horse fly when diving off the board into the swimming pool. Please share your best camp stories! Your favorite moments... and keep it PG rated, which means acronyms!

Now for some "old school" humor. This is still one of my FAVORITE summer camp movies. "It just doesn't matter!"

Sunday, March 28

Cramp in my Leg

Last nights dream was fairly intense. In real time, I have had "ankle fusion" on my left ankle. It has finally gotten to a point of feeling less like a "franken-ankle" and more like an actual mobile unit. I haven't been walking around much in the last week due to another procedure I had done March 18th. (More on that later). When I don't walk around on it much then get up and actually spend the day walking, like yesterday, AND not enough water, I get cramps in my calf while I sleep. Now before you give me the "stretching" speech, understand that my left ankle has a reduced mobility factor that only allows 60% of a normal forward and backward flex. ie: can't ever point my toes again, like I did when I was diving in high school. So its never fully "stretched". Now on with my dream.

I remember I was doing some work around the house and then my leg started cramping up. I started thinking dangit i was sleeping so nicely too. Then someone came up to me saying here you go, and handed me a booklet with pictures on it. There is a coupon card to use when you have leg cramps. You just say the words, cramp be gone, and your leg wont hurt anymore. Sure enough. I picked one coupon, and my cramps were gone immediately. ANd i said a grateful prayer and sat there thinking how wonderful. No more cramps while I sleep and the dream continued.

Angel intervention? Maybe so. I sure lost the cramp in my leg immediately. Is it really that easy? and the treasure of kindness is the greatest treasure of all...

Monday, March 15


It was quiet.. It was fun packed. I got GREAT presents. And got to go to the orchid show. It was just as I wanted it to be. Filled with good friends and my son.

AND I got to take some pictures. Enjoy!

Thursday, March 11


I, AJ, promise to do my best
to do my duty to God and my country
to help other people
and to obey the law of the pack.

"cub scout salute"


Tuesday, March 9

Electra Cruisers.... The Gypsy

Isn't she a beauty? And the name is so perfect for me.

I have begun bike shopping! My birthday is Saturday and I want a bike. Things are going to drastically change for me next week. Exercise must be included in that change. Biking is a good start to work up the butt muscles and the leg muscles. Also its a good way to get out with my kid and exercise. Head over to the beach for the day.

I want this bike and have a major contribution coming from the rents... Thank you my generous parents!!!!! It may have to be paid in installments, but oh the joy of spinning around my beach town with this cutie!

Look for future installments of "Biking Adventures of Mom and A.J." Anyone got a bell? BRRRRINGG BRRRIINNGGG!!!!

Monday, March 8

Its a Word I Created today... FRIDIOTS!!!!

yea you guessed it. Frigging Idiots... doesn't Fridiots sound so much more PC?

And I can say it in front of my kid, and create a perfectly logical answer without tainting innocence. news you can use...

Someone's Staring at me

Love my kid. The best gift ever. He has been staring at me while I sleep. I am laying there I wake up and there he is staring at me.

Sweet in a lot of ways. Wants to get in and snuggle, had a bad dream, wet the bed, whatever it is. Its just kinda creepy when you wake up and someone is staring at you just waiting... blank blue eyes... It does not help that I watched a scary alien invasion episode of "Torchwood" which included a scene featuring a child that looked like my little guy. Being an artist brings back visual imprint daily and nightly.

Blessing and a curse.. Blessing and a curse... I love LIFE!

Monday, February 1


Well mateys, if you DIDNT know yet, I be a pisces... a fish woman... a merrrrrmaid! Just to prove that I love the fishes, I am going to share this with you. I have 2 aquariums and a beta fish bowl in my house ( I secretly wish I had a Wall sized salt water tank, but thats for the rich folks). Yea and I live in a beach town, where I finally feel at ease after all my years inland. A bonus outing for me happened last night. A coworker and I went to an aquarium for "Photographers Night". They close the aquarium to the public, and allow only photographers in.

A Nikon Seminar an hour before hand was most helpful. The speaker showed images he had taken the week he was here before hand, with very little touch up. Nikon was there with set ups and "help sessions at various locations in the Aquarium. They also had a stock of "loaner" cameras and lenses. My "loan" of a Nikon D300 (VERY expensive, omg) and a short portrait lens was AWESOME! I can't even tell you what a difference it makes to have a camera with all the right "stuff". I know that I am not the worlds greatest mathematician and believe me taking a GOOD picture is a math equation. Exposure, ISO, available light, bend of the light on the sensor, autofocus, manual focus, aperture settings, etc. It would be nice to just point and shoot, but they can't capture the richness quite as well. Praises to the digital camera age.

After 3 hours, I took close to 500 images and could have gone around once more with the "knowledge" gained from the previous hours experience. Although, I didn't do as well as I had hoped. Fish don't really stand still. They are kind of skittish, and usually you capture a fish butt by the time the shutter clicks. As expected, water has a huge amount of blue, including blue walls inside the tanks, so you are constantly dealing with White Balance. But if you stand still and no one pushes you out of the way, sweet fish eyes are in your focus and you can get the awesomeness of the underwater world (behind plexi-glass of course,, which is a whole different set of issues). Man, what I learned last night is valuable though. Well worth the weary body this morning.

Time to get serious and upgrade my D40 to something with a higher ISO range, and more options in focusing. I LOVED having 3200 ISO in a dark place. I will search for a noise reduction software. And I am going to start taking more and more pictures. Maybe some day I can do some paintings from them. That is my dream.

Happy Monday everyone! Enjoy the Jellies (they are straight out of the camera, so please forgive the noise). The only mermaids were in the ocean to the left of the museum... ;-)~

Tuesday, January 26

U Boats & Single Moms


We were on a road trip, my parents, my brother, Austin and I. We crossed the bridge in NY and we saw some War Ships (US). I was concerned that there were so many and they seemed fully staffed and I heard sirens. I mentioned something to my family, they really didn’t make much of it. I started to get online to text someone and question what was going on. I was online from my phone talking to people on the east coast. About the time we got down to Virginia, the bus was a mess I was riding up top and my things were sliding all around the bus. My mother and brother were trying to find a parking space for the bus. And I was still on line when my phone dropped into the front end… I managed to get up there and clean out the front after the bus was parked. My mother and brother had gone to find the apartment/room where we would be spending the night.

When they came back, my mother said, “Don’t forget you have to get to Oprah’s house. You are going to her “house warming” show. They are going to show appetizers and decor. Its all single mothers, meaning you have to bring Austin along with you.”

I thought that was kinda weird, but went anyway. Austin and I show up to an opulent mansion on the beach. They take him to a room with all the other Kids, and I am taken to the room where the show is being filmed. I remember walking in and seeing Martha Stewart, Valerie Bertinelli, and a few other women. I was walking up to sit next to Martha as I had a few questions for her, and noticed the seat was “reserved”. So I ended up going to the front of the room. Each table was set for one person, small tables with a full place setting. White eyelet table cloths, black floral overlay with a white linen runner, white plates with black accents stacked 3 high, crystal glasses, and silverware. Everyone had on nice outfits, nothing too elegant.

Oprah started the show, speaking about who knows what, and then people started bringing in food. Martha was introduced at this time and she got up to talk about the recipes. When I was served my food, I went to eat it and the cookie/cake that she served me it fell apart. Oprah, who had sat down next to me, started laughing. I looked at her and said, “Once a klutz always a klutz.” She sided with me saying, “I know what you are talking about. And I am in the spotlight.” Valerie chimed in with her sentiments followed by her signature giggle.

I proceeded to look out the window as I wanted a distraction from this conversation and saw the war ships in the ocean outside the house. They looked like they were being radiated from the skies! The water was rough, the beams were shooting at the ships and people were jumping off the ship. Then the ships started sinking. I screamed saying “OMG, they are nuking our ships!!” The other ladies got a bit nervous. I said to Oprah, “Where is your fallout shelter in this place?” She didn’t respond. I went to find Austin.

When I got to the room that held the children, I grabbed him and looked out the window. All kinds of ships were in the harbor now, attacking each other. Transformer looking stuff. Then I looked out the other window and saw all the “celebrities” leaving in their cars. Looked like something out of a 1950’s Hollywood movie. Convertibles and old classic cars zooming away, and realized they had left us there. I started looking around for a safe place to hide in case of radiation fallout. We ended up finding a “safe room”. As I was curious to what was happening I would occasionally go to the window to look out. The river had cleared of ships. People were wandering around the neighborhoods. I saw some that were perfectly normal and some that looked as if their faces were melting off. They had green spots on their faces and were screaming in pain. I couldn’t let Austin see it. We heard some other people in this huge house so we went looking for them hoping they weren’t the face melting people.

I found a room with some politicians in it. They were dressed in black suits and ties. The discussion was about this house being safe from the toxins. One of them looked at me and said, “Is that your son?”. I responded affirmatively. He then said to me, “Here, you both drink this syrup.”

I asked him what it was. He said, “It will protect you both from prolonged exposure to radiation fallout. I can see that neither of you are going to have to really worry about that anyway. Only some people will have bad reactions to the radiation. It’s a different kind of radiation than others. But, this syrup will keep you immune just in case.”

I thanked him and they went back to their conversation. Then I woke up. I felt pretty calm when I woke up from this dream. Surprisingly. I guess I felt safe from Austin and I dying from the radiation.

Monday, January 25


I had a dream i was in a big downtown city. I was at a work function. They were handing out things. I don't remember what. Then we had a picnic and swim party. I was with my coworkers.

When i got out of the pool i was walking downtown with a towel around my waist. I was thinking, man this sucks. Then a voice in my head said, "See that guy up there? , pointing up to a man walking up a hill. "He is REALLY struggling." I sighed and said, yea a bit. Then when I turned around to walk off, I realized I was no longer in the city i was surrounded by burning lava no civilization in sight. There were screams, wilderness and frightening animals everywhere. The voice says, "This is hell. Be grateful."

I fell to my knees praying. and slid through the ground back onto the streets of the city. I ran to the next destination remembering to be thankful.

That dream has sat me with for a few days. Seriously worried that I am having apocalyptic dreams consistently. I had another one last night. I just don't feel like writing another one out. I just have to remain focused on making things truthful and honest for myself. Find silver linings and positive avenues. And BE GRATEFUL.

Friday, January 22

Rainy Drive and Agreements

What a great morning conversation. Its nice to have conversations with your kid and help them to understand a point you are trying to make.

We are both so ADD its difficult sometimes. But in the end, you got what I was saying despite the "I don't want to have to talk about this" attitude! You actually listened. And agreed and came up with your own points.

I think I need to relax more. *giggle*

Wednesday, January 6

Picture Books will always be Picture Books...

And I drew one! Check it out. Please.

I am not good at marketing. My friend Wilene is the marketing lady. I am a lowly artist praying for enough income to have a studio so I can WORK finally instead of putting eraser gum all over my bed, table, couch and chairs...

Thanks for your support.

Tuesday, January 5


Does anyone own an Amazon Kindle? Give me the scoop.

Monday, January 4

Another Paw

I was admitted into the Hospital, and was in bed next to my doctor and I was giving HIM some advice. I couldn't sleep. Then I was released and remember walking outside. I came to a tall green hedge/fence. When I looked down on the ground i found a brown paw which was moving slightly on its own. I wasn't afraid, mostly curious. I wasn't even disturbed by the fact it was apart from whatever lost this paw. At first I thought it was a rabbits foot, and i thought, YES! good luck for the year. Then I pressed on the pads and realized it was a cats paw. Brown, Huge claws.... and yet still, not disturbed. Just held on to it to show to others and get their opinion.

Then I was passing a truck and I saw my friend J.J. whom I hadn't seen in a LONG time. We had a pleasant conversation from what I can remember... She agreed with me that it was some sort of cat, but not a domestic cat. I don't remember much past that point. For sure it wasn't a tiger paw, so thats a good sign.

Happy New Year everyone!