There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Thursday, May 13

Bike Dream

I have been doing a lot of soul searching the last two months. Looking for any inspirational material I can find on CDs (TY WILENE and the public library) I would much rather listen than read as it allows me to do two things at once. As a single mother, I love multi-tasking. Life requires I do many things at once. I am actually programmed that way so it works for me.

ANYWAY, during all these awakening sessions with my inner being, I have found a joy that I forgot about since I was a little girl running in the sprinkler on the lawn. The days I struggle I remember to visualize that moment of joy that most recently happened and keep speaking of the joy, dismissing the negative as much as possible from my experience.

Last night I had a pretty intense dream. I was on some kind of trek (which is the current situation in all my dreams, traveling from one point to another). Some one gave me a bike that I had to use for this trip. And as the mind does with symbolism, at some times the seat was off the bike, but I kept riding. There were people in the path but I rode over them. There were puddles and I splashed happily through them. Just kept on going no matter the obstacles. The ride started out apprehensively. By the end I was clear on where I was going, knowing that the challenges were there, and ringing my little bike bell all along the way.. seat or no seat. I was getting to the next "station" without hangups and it felt good.

Life is joyous. Remind me of that when you hear me whining... *giggle*

Surgery Again?

Yep. I didn't talk about it just did it. heh!

I underwent a significant physical transformation two months ago. Elective surgery that I waited only 6 months to have done. Six months of "last meals". By the time my surgery came I was so ready for it. The only really uncomfortable moment I have had was the night after surgery when I couldn't drink any water. That lasted from 11 am after surgery till 7 am the next day. A very brief suffering for what has turned out to be the second most important decision in my life (the first one was the decision to be a single mom).

The end results so far? Immediately, the next day, I no LONGER SNORE! Why? I have no idea. A total benefit of surgery. The surgeon corrected my hiatal hernia. I think that had something to do with it. amazing. The food intake is down to about 1/10th of what I was consuming. And truthfully? I do not miss it. Glutton no more, TY. I am a happy woman. I am am seriously lighter. I lost 15 before, 15 in my second week out from surgery (weigh in) and since I am 2 months out I am guessing at LEAST another 15 if not more. I decided to not weigh myself at home. This is a gradual process and i want to learn how to treat my body by its signals, not the scales. My next official weigh in is May 18th. I will keep you informed.

The real result is finding myself again inside the fat suit. I feel like a different person. Active, capable of being on my feet for long periods of time. Time to incorporate exercise. Thank GOD summer is approaching. Ready for the bike rides to the beach with my kiddo!!! yea. I am a BLESSED woman. Grateful, and blessed.