There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Tuesday, May 31

the List

Ok. Dream time again!

I had a dream that i was working on my skincare line, at a convention. We were told we had to go through some "organic" type door to get in. You had to have the right combination of moves and stick your hands into this soft oozy door and it would protrude, etc. Very organic. Constantly moving and changing.

Once inside we were instructed to gather information from potential customers. The lady that was our leader took all our potential customers for herself. I remember thinking that was pretty low. Then we went outside to see the band they had hired for this event. Turns out it was my son's childcare provider singing and the band was on a great big hill. We went back to the conservatory/sun room to have some snacks. My friend Amy was there telling me that I messed up her weekend plans by flaking out on her.

Then a man came up to me and said, i need to tell you somethings you need to know. He was impatient. I had the feeling he was a ghost or an angel, and I really wanted to hear him. He started giving me a list, but I didn't have anything to write on. I grabbed the closest paper and pencil after he gave me the list once. He seemed agitated that I didn't get it the first time. I felt bad for asking him again while i wrote it down. After he had finished, i realized that the pen i wrote with was foam ink and all the letters had risen and meshed together. (and for the life of me right now I can't remember ANYTHING he said). I couldn't ask him a third time, because it was past the time he was supposed to return to his position, and he left.

I remember thinking at that point, why am I not prepared for anything? thats all i remember for now.

Saturday, May 28

End. of. it. All

Plane flying in the air. There stewardess came around and said, we are going to take you to a lovely place. All the bad people are gone. I was in disbelief.
Sure enough, the plane landed and the world was quiet and still. Everything was green. There were hardly any buildings. They put our group of people on a small island. She told us that there were only a few places with clean water. Some people needed things we couldn’t get on the plane. She suggested we go to the city, which was a ways away. I didn’t really want to go, but needed some things. (Didn’t want to go because I was enjoying the solitude. We were driving in the city. I came across my cousin, who was getting married. Interesting that she was a brides maid, a maid of honor and a bride all within an hour. I saw here in 3 different dresses. I remember lip gloss and sharing make up with a friend at the wedding.
Then I ran into some friends that I didn’t know very well, but was acquainted with. She and I were doing some drawings. Hers turned out beautifully and mine was ok, but I hadn’t really finished it. She got some kind of recognition and I felt like mine wasn’t worthy. Then a group of people decided it was time to go back to our group. I got in the car, and realized a lot of people in this parking lot were having problems. Getting frustrated. I remember thinking, here we are given a NEW opportunity to make a beautiful life, and we all just keep with our own ways.
Then a huge ruquous broke out in the parking lot. A group of guys rammed into someone’s car, and got out with guns. They started shooting people. I remember thinking that someone had rammed me, and I pretended to slip down and pass out in the car as the man with the gun walked up to my window. I was feeling fear and terror. I didn’t move. I made myself wake up because I was afraid he was going to try and “make sure I was dead”.

Saturday, May 21


Last night I had a great dream that I was living in a city, nice apartment, eating big slabs of halibut, truly enjoying myself with my friends. I had decided that I needed to give something back. I heard about an expedition heading to another country, some where in Asia, to rescue a group of volunteers (which included an OLD friend of mine). They were working at a camp that took in orphans of war. When our group got there, we heard rumors the leaders of the camp had done a mass killing of all the volunteers through lethal injection (sort of a "Jim Jones/Guyana deal). We were all panicked and rushed to the site to see if anyone survived.

We walked into the main tented compound and the floor was made of sand/dirt. Around each person was a white rock wall, and they were laying one per area under a green canvas tarp, semi buried. They looked asleep and not dead. We found about 20 percent of them had survived the injection. I was one of the scouts heading out to find the still moving people. Upon finding one alive I was to arouse them and get them moving, walking, drinking water, etc.

I came across my friend, who had survived. I was overjoyed to see her. (It has been years since we have seen each other.) She was relaying all the facts of what happened. The people who had held her were obsessed with obtaining a certain amount of orphans by a certain time and when that number wasn't met, they killed all the volunteers, mass hysteria style.

I don't remember feeling overly upset or overwhelmed by the amount of corpses in this tent. I was more thankful that we were finding people that had survived, and grateful for each one that I could help with rising up and walking around. And for seeing my long lost friend.