There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Friday, December 30


This dream of you. I am glad you showed up! More please.

Tuesday, December 27


I had a dream about you. You were standing next to me in a rain coat, not sure WHAT you had on underneath, but you were mumbling... something under your breath while you looked at me with wondering eyes. You want to tell me something, but you are afraid to do it. Or you are so nervous you are unsure what to say when you are around me. I woke up in confusion of how to help you get past that. I also realized then you have to want to.

I asked the universe today how we are going to get past this. How are we going to talk to each other. This card showed up.

Peacefully and lovingly. Wonderful.

Four Leaf Clovers

Night before last I dreamt of you. You couldn't figure out what to say to me... You stumbled and mumbled all the while looking at me... turning in circles, asking for patience. You have it.

Last night I dreamt of four leaf clovers. Succulent abundant everywhere I looked, four leaf clovers. That was only part of the dream.

Every night the dreams I have are vivid symbolism of what is to come. I vow to spend a few mins in the morning to write them down.

Hello world, we will all benefit from our singular good fortunes! Let your light shine.

Friday, December 16


Hello! Where have you been hiding?

I could use you to come out and play these next 10 years or more. I would love to be inspired again. About anything.


Monday, December 12


Last night the strangest feeling came over me... I felt like my insides were being electrified. Some kind of twisted feeling, that was being thinly contained by my skin and bones. I was on fire, and couldn't escape.

I thought about you again. You appeared in my dreams for a second time, and I am not sure where that fits. I can't see you for all the reeds and mirrors you throw up to deflect feelings.

I feel your stress, I feel your emotions. Please don't run mad into the night and forget why you are here. Who is there for you. Why do we all have fire in our hearts that make us reach for disaster? Are we willing to be burnt over and over again?

I don't play dirty, I don't chase. I wont lie. These complexities make me beautiful. A shiny fish woman in the ocean hiding in her own shadows, having been chased there by the demons in my head. How can I wiggle out of these invisible tethers in order to become the best me? And do you require some kind of bait? or do you see the real me?

This isn't meant for me, my strengths are being tapped. Bring me your love and joy. Bring me your fierce strength and know this mermaid has a heart worth winning. You just have to get past the scars from this lifetimes shark bites. I have ointment to soothe yours as well.

Keep on chasing down that rainbow
You'll never know what you might find
Over the sunset on the horizon
Maybe you dream but it tastes like poison
I'm gonna take that tiger outside for a ride
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
Someday you might find your hero
Some say you might lose your mind
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!

Sunday, December 11

Christmas Set up

Christmas mood is a bit of a downer this winter. I am going to Texas to see my family and that will be wonderful, but in my heart I want to be home in Santa Barbara with my Organic Soup Kitchen family. I have worked all year for this event, and wont be here to enjoy it! But you all can,

Please sign up to enjoy an event, the 3rd Annual Organic Soup Kitchen Dinner and bring me along with you in spirit.

Happy Holidays my loving and gracious comrades.

Wednesday, December 7

Day 21

Well, here we are. Started fiber. Not working yet... i expect great things today though! giggle. I am doing well on the eating. I have to say that chocolate is my BIGGEST nemesis. I must take that demon by the throat and tame it soon.

I have been doing my morning tonics... Now to beef up on the leafy greens, juices and extra water. Something I realized, I hold my stress in my intestines. Must get some "louise" magic going on that area of the body.

Today? A morning meeting a new friend, finishing up volunteer spot designations, template for my website, texting a friend in need, taking a nap, and a possible christmas card for my friends and family. Then the boys chores!!!!

I love you and I me, and there is a lot of me to go around. Lets support each other in becoming the best we can be for ourselves and others.

Tuesday, December 6


I had a WILDly strange dream last night. In part of the dream there was a store/retail establishment called Sharing dreams (or something like that, sharing time, etc). You go in and they have couches where you spend time with your pets. You dress up in costume and then you have "quality time". The bottom floor had costumes, accessories and pets you could RENT!

oh and my ex was there. not J, Don.

Monday, December 5

Day 22

The countdown continues!!!!

Today I woke up and cooked myself (and others) eggs in coconut oil, with avocado and fresh tomatoes on the side. Apple slices too. Then off to work at the school. I was bad and didn't do my tonic (wrist slap) and drank 3 cups of coffee! Tomorrow I will be better.

Then after working at the school this morning a meeting with a truly wonderful woman who is helping me with my desire to get this body healthy and functioning without as many internal aches. I have had an ache in a specific area of my body for a few years, not realizing what the cause was. We discovered it. I hope I can choose my health over that pesky desire to eat chocolate and sugar! Daily choice of not putting poisons in my body.

What will I find at the end of this road? A refreshed version of me. I hope my mind really enjoys all this work. I know that my body is going to be muy thankful!

Snubbing old age, eating well, continuing my mind work, daily body toning and Yoga. A retreat is in my future... oh yea! Day 22? I LOVE YA!

Sunday, December 4

Day 23

Well day 24, I cleaned out the garage, got rid of some furniture, and basically did a few domestic chores.

Day 23 is upon us! I am awake after not a lot of sleep last night. Cleaned out the  hamster cage, heading to Costco for some dish soap and an insane amount of toilet paper! Then, dropping off some donations to Goodwill, listing a few more things on Craigslist, and a Christmas card the boy and I are going to work on. YOGA. Tonight I might need a sitter. Any takers?

all my friends, I wish you well on this glorious california day. xo

Friday, December 2

25 Days of Me!

Tuesdays and Thursdays are my "Let it Go" yoga classes in the am. I LOVE my yoga teacher. Its not a traditional class, its a stretch and relax yoga class. I am the kind of girl that has a tendency towards high energy, higher thinking, always gearing up on how to most efficiently accomplish the next task to be completed. I need this class every day, in other words. How come I can't solely focus on myself? What is it I am avoiding!? Why can't I stay in the now? Hence, breath into the "me". Find the "me" lotus. Today, during my "Happy Baby Pose", I had an epiphany. The 25 days of Me... oh yea.

A couple of days ago, a wonderful lady friend of mine did an hour session with me talking about what my nutritional, exercise, body goals are. We set some short term parameters in order to get the structure set up.  I am on a mission to relearn myself. Look in the mirror and smile. Enjoy the moment to moment existence that a lot of others on this planet seem to have a grip on.

I start with exercise, and emotional eating. I have five days planned out, Tues and Thursday for sure. My goal is the next 25 days with a class each day, or doing yoga at home. Today? Yoga at home with the kiddo. Oh yea! Will help to have him on board with some exercise too.

Day #1: Let it Go Yoga with Jan... complete
Day #2: Yoga at home with son... pending pick up.
Day #3: Yoga at home, go to the Y.

keep ya posted.