There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Tuesday, April 24

Pain is temporary, scars heal.

I have been hurt by most of my previous relationships. I can't say that any of my relationships were one sided in the cause of things NOT working, but the balance was sometimes off as I would always make up for what I thought was lacking by ignoring my desires and give in to the needs of others.

As I have survived these war torn love arenas, there are a few things I have learned. Life is too short to lock myself up in the pain of the past, and judge everyone else based on what HAS happened... Each moment is an opportunity to know somethings CAN and WILL be different this time because I am different now. I can choose differently based on what I am wanting. No judgement, no expectations, no blaming that person for the pain someone else caused me. Learning to trust again as deeply as I can. My eyes are opened and my heart feels ready to trust in someone again and find that permanent relationship I have always wanted.

I am at a point in my life where I want to spend time getting to know someone. Taking time to feel comfortable in trusting another person to regard me in honor as I would them. And to laugh and play! Just allow us to be ourselves and grow toward intimacy that makes us glow from the inside. I have met someone that I connect with deeply, as this person is always on my mind.  Placed in front of me is yet another learning curve, a place where I have found someone that makes me think, is there a chance for more in a way I haven't had before? Someone that intrigues me mentally, physically and emotionally and fits with my quirky nature. I send him little notes of encouragement and trust him to smile when he sees my words. Maybe he feels it too, maybe not. He has to make his own decisions based on his previous experiences, and his choices of what he wants in his life, and learning to trust his inner voice to guide him to where he wants to be.

Analyzing the outside world is a mute point, but for arguments sake, lets explore the influences. My friend tells me to let you go that you don't respect me or have any care for me. My soul says, where did that deep connection come from? past life? My spirit says, he is hurting and needs your help to smile again. My heart says, wow, look at that! Thats so shiny and it makes me smile when I think of it. I want to touch it again. I wonder if he will come out and play anytime soon? All I really want is time to figure it all out and have fun in doing so. I want "him" to join me in that thought. relaxed, open, laughing, smiling, breathing, and being, nothing more for now, moment to moment smile to smile.

SO, plan of action? Trust the process. Open my side of dialogue, trust my inner voice even if everyone else says I am wrong. My inner voice knows what is right like NO ONE else does. I am more than capable of having everything I want and reaching for it is a GREAT adventure! Anytime I find myself in a negative place, I will remember that this moment is temporary, fleeting, and I will be moving past it quickly. Remind myself, that when I get to the next stop I don't want to show up with a frown on my face! I want to greet that person with a smile, a kind vision of possibility, hope and an open heart.

wow, pretty deep for a tuesday. I think I will lay back down for a bit... maybe on the beach!

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