There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Sunday, July 1

A man from Seattle

Today a man from seattle that I have been in touch with or talked to online for many  years showed up. He was asking me why I never said hello to him. At some point in the past I had deleted him because he ignored me for so long, and gave me smart ass answers to my questions, all in all treated me with disrespect and dismissal. He asked me if i was mad at him, if he had done something to piss me off. I said no, because honestly it had been so long since he talked to me, i didn't even remember why he was off my messenger list.

He was moaning and begrudging life because "women" took advantage of him and used him. Treated him like he didn't matter... I was kind and open trying to allow him the knowledge of the law of attraction. I said things like, "look inside your own life for the answers of why you aren't getting what you want." He claimed he watched men over and over again treat women with disrespect, while he treated them with love and honor. I laughed to myself full knowing he wasn't doing any of those things.  He was probably drinking and feeling sorry for himself because he wasn't finding love at that very moment, feeling disconnected and alone.

On a second note, I saw my most recent ex (we broke up over 2 years ago) for the first time in over 2 months. I purposely try to avoid him because he totally is a mess. He was relaying some kind of surreal story, almost like something out of a science fiction movie. Then in the middle of this conversation, he jumps up and wanders off without even saying goodbye, or nice seeing you. For all times I took care of him, paid for his life, gave him shelter, went out of my way for him, etc... Really? This is why i don't talk to him anymore. Totally disrespectful.

Point being? There is no chivalry left, and its not because of my actions. Men have become bitches and even more self centered if you can imagine that. I have yet to find a man, outside of my father, my brother, and a very few other male friends, that treat women with respect and chivalry. If I didn't dislike women so much, I would  probably be a lesbian by now. Hey DUDES? I am not the reason these other women have lied and cheated to you, or used you or slept with your best friends. I haven't caused you to distrust me at all. I am completely the opposite. I am generous to a fault, and although I may be blunt and to the point, I would never abandon you in your time of need, no matter what you had done. Then on top of all that, when I don't act like a bitch to you, expecting you to dote on me, treat me like a queen, you treat me like i am WEAK and useless.... and have NO time for me. No honest words, no truths or affections... only hey do you want to know the size of my dick? (sigh. not yet!!!!!) OH and the other couple of really choice comments that really go straight to a woman's heart,

I no longer believe in true love. I have given it my all to people I have truly had deep connections with in life, without expectation. I know what love is... I just don't happen to have found anyone  that is still single that does. And after all that is said and done? I still wont be a bitch because that would make me just like most of the men I know. AND some of the women too. Spending their time justifying how and why they treat people rudely because by current societal standards, their behavior is the norm. Spare me. Send me a true soul that is aware of its unique ability to stand up to this TRASH and choose the right path. Choose treating someone else with the dignity they deserve no matter their station in regards to me, or what they may or may not lose in doing so. I beg you universe. Please.

I wish the mother race would come and take me back to their planet... I grow weary of the idiots. Also I am sick to death of feeling all these feelings without having one soul that I feel i can share this life with. 

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