There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Sunday, December 2

So far

My friend said to me yesterday, Youre kinda ballsy. I laughed and reminded her things needed to get done, and I wasn't going to hold on waiting for some idiot to tell me what the right thing to do was. I like to get things done, so I do them. She smiled and agreed. I just base this temperament on a life that has had many battles, and I proudly honor many scars.

I have traveled thousands of miles, survived pleasant or unpleasant consequences and trials of human nature. Each step makes me a stronger individual, more resilient in nature, more abundant in character and more accepting of the things I can not change. Learning that allowing myself to be WHO I am means allowing more of others to be who they are. Thats not an accepting thats an allowing, and understanding that I don't have to accept who they are, I can allow them to be, and I can be me, choosing to NOT keep them in my life.

What still astonishes me is the point where people have a rare occurrence of allowing connection to people that are in your destiny for so many reasons, and they choose willingly to avoid that connection. Friends, extended family, lovers, strangers, no matter the relationship, even a casual meeting with eye contact is a connection. I just speak of choosing in a moment of time and opportunity, when you realize there is a spark, why not just act upon it. Choose to follow the physics of your being, and allow that magnetism to recharge you and lead you.

Dont use "experience" or "history" or exterior facts that have NOTHING to do with your experience to hinder what is so obviously something created beyond your base humanity, and ego. I am that person who wanders, some say like a fool, following a guidance that is based on trusting my inner voice. Naive, yes. Rich? always. Dangerous? never.

Who are you and who do you want to be? Dont keep telling yourself a lie. Wake up and be the truth. Shake the history, cast off the leeches, scoff at naysayers, and keep on singing your song, banging your drum, painting your canvas, writing your version, and know that NO one is going to really steal anything from you. If anything they have given you a tremendous gift. The gift of becoming even more you than you were before. And being a better person for realizing you dont have to hate or regret. You can learn and grow.

Gratitude in the face of betrayal or deception of those you love is the hardest of all these lessons. I know this one very very well. Still, I refuse to let that shit become my shit. I may not know all that I want, I do know what I have and I do know it always gets better.

Surfing, swimming, paddling, treading water, floating, coming back to shore to dance again with someone that chooses to accept and grow in their lives by being connected in a real sense, without fear, judgement or hypocrisy. Its not happened always that its the best thing, but it is the right thing. So far.

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