There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Wednesday, February 20


No matter what has happened in my life, things usually go REALLY well for me!  Communal living has its perks! New friends, ready meals I don't have to cook, a structured lifestyle (something I am not used to, but it seems to help me and my son) and a place to sleep that is warm keeps us dry and with clean clothes.

Smiling is a great virtue. Finding happiness in even the littlest of things is always the way to see what is there. Kindness and allowance give me a safe place to be while I interact here. Now don't get me wrong, I know the world is full as just as much evil as joy, and I don't turn my eyes away from it, I just choose not to focus on it 24/7.

THE only drawback I can find right now? Elevator noise pollution at deafening levels. It does give me an unnecessary headache. Temporary, Temporary, Temporary... finding a solution to that vibrational disturbance is possible.

Monday, February 18

Reinventing My Life

Phase one: childhood
Phase two: adolescence
Phase three: adult hood.

Phase 4 - ?

As we go from placenta to grave there are so many phases we pass through. I have found I am in another "change" phase. Knowing all I have learned from the past, I can feel more comfortable and at ease with my allowing the universe to show me the new path. Life happens to us whether we are controlling it or not. Somethings are better left alone to become their organic manifestations. Money isn't one of them really! LOL...

I have found something out about myself, and I hope that this phase will really solidify some ideas I have about self love and accomplishment. As well as how I show my love to others.

Thinking, meditation, healthy eating, exercise, and moving forward.

Saturday, February 16

Our connection

It is so amazing. Why do you keep throwing up fear in the face of something obviously beautiful and connected? Why tear yourself up over the past when now is so much better?

Trying to beat up others via beating up yourself is a losing battle. YOU are in control of how your past treats your present... and holding onto anger for something someone else did to you only burns up YOUR energy and YOUR life. They are unaffected. This lack of anger management only effects you, and EVERYONE else,  BUT not the party you are angry at. EVER.

Put that mind to use my friend and live your life in happiness. In that happiness you will find the energy to battle the things that really matter to you.

No matter your choice, I will be there to help you. I hope I am a choice, but if not? There are people in this world that will honor my spirit. I just hope that because we are SO alike, we will find our way to each other more and more.

Riding the waves of hope and surfing the reality of what is. Thats all I am going to do for now.

I don't know you well, but i do know that I care. Its what i got!

Friday, February 15

wow... great affirmation...

Tonight a friend of mine I haven't talked to in almost a year was on line... We had a nice time catching up. We were VERY close at one point in life. The usual questions came up, and then I revealed to him what was going on in my life. He was all full of the usual questions, how did that happen? Where are you living etc. Then he gushed about how he had totally admired me before, but now even more so.  "What is happening to you right now would demolish most people. You are so strong! " Exact words. Left me pretty much speechless, as I see myself as a typical woman just walking my path and doing the best I can. With dignity and grace.

After we caught up,  he restated his admiration of me, and that he couldn't believe how well i was handling things. THEN he said to me, are you writing about this? He reminded me that I am a consumate wordsmith. That many people would kill to have the kind of talent i have.. well, you get the drift of his intention to remind me of my skill. And I got to thinking, I have been keeping notes here and there, but not writing thoroughly. Maybe its time to write a story.

Anyway, I had a rough day today, nothing major but since being in the shelter I have become increasingly tired. So, tomorrow, i will take it easy and start with an outline...

This man knows me and my writing and he is right. and NO Bossman, its not you. Its a canadian friend of mine.

keep well. and keep aware. I will write.

It just Is

After meeting you, I can't stop thinking about you! I try everything to put you OUT of my mind, but in you creep, even in my dreams. 

No illusions, I will always care about you and treat you with love. We are two very similar people at the same point in life dealing with the same issues of pain from the past. I am here if you ever need to speak with me, bb.  

No matter who you end up schploogin! I have your back. You have my heart. Be aware. 

Monday, February 11


When having a discussion with another human last night, i realized I have some pretty far out ideals about why and where we come from.

Thats not an admission of shame or delusion. Its real for me. Thats all that matters.

Thursday, February 7


I work on a cable TV show running cameras and graphics. The topic for the last show was "relationships". Meh. Thats a myre of discontent, unless both are willing to work on the situation and communicate in a mature manner. I have yet to find a man strong enough for me. Crazy enough to just be who they are without shame or blame. One that knows there is a need for another in balancing our final days in these weak mortal forms. sheesh! not the point at all. MOVING ON!

At one point in the show, the word LOVE was mentioned. A man sitting next to me said, "Love is fucked up. " I was quick to retort, "Love isn't fucked up. Love is a pure thing. You have a pet? You love your pet right? Its NOT love that is fucked up, People are." And thats all i have to say about that.

mmm hmm...