There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Wednesday, October 23


I think I finally have my place in a setup that my inner chi is happy with...

I am a being that if my home isn't properly custodial, i can NOT think... Chaos is already living inside my mind, so having it in my surroundings keeps the tornado whirling. Despite the advantage it MAY accidentally source my creativity, its NOT good to effective progression. Or consistent parenting... which i suck at but its my goal to keep moving towards it.

Now to do a bit of feng shui, as my bathroom is in the "wealth" sector, then BAM. Presto changito, i can move freely among my "stuff" and not be stopped every 2 feet by a box of legos, dirty clothes or unpacked office supplies!!!!!

Work is going to be MIGHTY for me this year.. BONUS, and i want to be able to just sit and create.. or stand and create, or do yoga and visualize and then create, without worrying about "what is going to happen now".

Karma? are we good? Yea. I think we are getting there.

Wednesday, October 16

Is that person really your friend?

If someone in your life never inquires how you are or what you are doing, is that a friend?

Tuesday, October 15


I read something that reminded me, I am living between nothing and everything with each breath I take. My dreams last night reminded me of how greedy and sick people are on one side, and generous and allowing on the other.

Who am I in that fold? By not attending to the purpose the universe has laid out for me, am I the greedy one? By attending to the purpose the universe offers me, am I the saint? Does there have to be an extreme, or is just being a "simple" being, isn't that beautiful too?

There is a limited amount of people that are enlightened enough to be in that place of purity where this question wont exist. There is no simple answer either. What I know is following my path has been rocky and part of that is my greed by not letting go of things that no longer serve me.

Everyone I have encountered in my life, even the most giving and generous, has a level of selfishness. The amount is directly proportional to the amount we trade in kind. Am I being selfish? Am I being generous? Am i being too much of either? Daily meditations help me become more centered with these things.

I do know that resentment is major, that love is all i have to give that matters, that each day offers me a chance to do it better, and that real friends are always there for you, no matter what you do.

My decision is to focus on healing my body, and center myself there. AND let me tell you that will be my biggest challenge, but I need to follow a path that has been calling me for sometime,  which will require a healthy body and mind.

Everyone that decides they want to be a part of it is allowed if their purpose is to serve in the growth of peace and love.

Tuesday, October 8


I am thinking the brain needs a washing! it spazzes out and i can't control it... somedays.

Sunday, October 6


Watching a movie today reminded me of an event in my life that i recovered from, but it still sits heavy to know that others will go through that same situation without support, like I did.

This event created a distrust in men, that they wont be there for me in times when I really really need them, and I mean REALLY need them, not financially or to fix my car or take out the trash. As a true friend that is there for a friend. I wonder what it will take for me to get back to a more level space with the opposite sex.

its gonna happen because I desire it... what is it going to take?

Thursday, October 3


Someone suggested that you don't talk to me because YOU are concerned what others may think about your association with me... If that is the case, you will never be good enough for me. I don't trust other peoples opinions of people they don't know, which means them saying that about you, or you feeling that way about me, or me feeling that way without knowing the truth. 

Neither of you know me! And honestly, I don't know you. One day at a time. I am willing to risk everything for a feeling that I KNOW is there. Damn the should's and the others judgement. Its fodder in the scheme of having a REAL life! 

Where are you brave warrior? Where are you my soul companion? Happiness could be ours, if you are a non-judgemental soul such as me.