Today I read this line;
"It sounds like someone stuck in a toxic relationship."
Those words made me stop everything I was doing, and sit down.
There are no mistakes or real mysteries in this world if we just clue in to the nuance. I am currently being forced to focus on the toxic relationships in my life. I believe that the most toxic is the relationship I have with myself. Why am I cutting off my desires, and my abilities by design? In many ways...
Focusing on relationships that ARENT working, focusing on pain instead of the pleasure, focusing on what I did wrong instead of what I have done right?
I am reminded so often during the days of my life the impact my creativity has on others. I am not a prideful being or even boasting about it. In my mind its just what I do, like the baker bakes, the seamstress sews, a grocer sells groceries, etc. I also believe a little self criticism is just a tool to make your work ever evolving and fresh. But I think that my inability to treat myself with kindness and awareness that I deserve self love with out thinking its indulgent is holding steady.
A friend of mine keeps reassuring me of my evolution and how far I have come in so little a time, that I believe. The attitude I have after passing through the burning gates of the last few years, is actually pretty amazing. Why can't I just allow myself happiness there?
Ok, I have put it out there. Toxic Relationship = Me, time to move this around. And it will shift to another area if I can not just heal it. ty for all your loving vibes around this.