There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Monday, December 16

This time Last Year.

This time last year i was going through all my belongings deciding what would be best to keep and what would be best to let go of. I let go of 70% of my belongings at that time, and sadly, got some taken from me in the move.

Or should I say move? It was more of a forceable exit from where I had been living for over 4 years. I invited a woman into my house that brought us all down, and I don't blame her for it. I think everything happens for a reason. I just wish I had been a bit more proactive and aggressive about the situation as a whole... I went through a rough 8 months of that coexistence.

I knew after 1 month of her being there it was NOT going to work out and asked her to leave within 60 days. I was faced with a personality that said, "You are going to have to take me to court to get me out". So that is how it began, and it took  months from the written notice to get her forced out of the apartment. With 2 "to be forced" exits halted through the court system.

I was lead to the edge of hope so many times in that 8 months only to have the door slammed in my face and sealed shut with super glue, leaving me to find yet ANOTHER way to exit... OVER and OVER and OVER again... 6 times in 8 months only to eventually be pushed out the door of this apartment 10 days after Christmas. What a huge nightmare that was... having a holiday garage sale in the rain, trying to make some money so I could store my belongings. Deciding what we needed to keep, what to leave behind, etc. Honestly, I wasn't too upset about that. I don't mind shedding weight and lightening the load. Life isn't about "things", but kids have a different perspective as they aren't as experienced in the weight of possessions, and carrying them with you on the road.

So this begins our little story. I am going to try and do this in a series. I don't even know what sparked me today to begin this... I am off to do an outline and try to keep this thing linear and process what has happened between then and now. Maybe it will help some people survive their stint with homelessness. I know of one lady right now that has 3 kids and is out on the streets. She hasn't disclosed why, but i feel for her. Christmas without a home is a lonely feeling.

More to come.

Sunday, December 15


The world is continually defining how things are or how they should be. What is the real truth?

Is it better to stick to your beliefs, despite developed definitions to the contrary? I have no idea why I have done half the things I have in my life. I don't always question my actions as I know that most times pure faith is all I have to go on. Its gotten me where I am with what I have and that is a good thing.

Don't you understand that from the day I met you i have felt your movements? I know when you are sad, angry or even having sex, and its hard for me. I wish to cut it off, but then again, I need to be your friend because I love you.

Whats best for you, find that, do that, be that... I have to figure out my side of things, but what I stated above? thats fact. for me. If i need to go, and thats best for you, thats what will be.

Define THAT!

Wednesday, December 11


I work.. and work and work.. and work. I am rarely ahead of the game, because something comes up and throws me back in the mud. Honestly I am so tired of fighting, I would rather just lay down and die today.

Parenting is work, work is work, walking right now is even work! just work... and work more. No matter how grateful I am for the work, I feel like I have a shovel and all i am really doing is digging a grave.


Wednesday, December 4

It Begins!

Today is the day. So here I am, topic undecided, premise is set to “just start”.

I have been challenged to start writing again by a friend of mine I met online YEARS ago. He complimented me on an entry I wrote about one of my favorite musicians. He said, “Wow, you can write. Why aren’t you writing more?” I don’t know! giggle... I made a reconnection with him two weeks ago, and he agreed to check in with me once a week so he could help me out. But after thinking about it, and seeing that he missed our first session, if I wait for him then NOTHING will move forward. As the good fatherluke suggested, “No more excuses. Just start writing”.

That being said, I am “topic-less”. It is suggested that I write about my being a single mom, and the struggles with that. My favorite topics are music and art, as I can never get enough of either. The last two YEARS of my life have been a HUGE transition for me, and that would be a great experiment in gratitude, allowing myself to be more humble, and giving advice in how I survived them. And in my heart of hearts, I would love to see society heal itself from the ills of the world, the lies, the hatred, the bigotry, and learn to be free to allow peace and prosperity for all, so I would be writing self healing methods and measures.  

Truthfully, it could be about ALL of that. I think my biggest desire of all is to be completely honest and open, without fear of exposure. In the end, I am all I have to count on so why shouldn’t I build a base of self-assurance and move forward from there? 

So here we go. Thanks to all that are willing to take this trip with me by spending time reading my brain attack diversions!

Tuesday, December 3

BUTT... you dialed me~

You know bb…. SO good hearing your voice and hearing you just “live”! What I wouldn’t give to see that in person again; a smile and a sweet conversation.

Yea.. more stuff like that!